As a wedding guest I hate....

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 2:52 AM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Kenny's,

"No one would dare drink around me"??? Yikes. To each his own with the whole alcohol thing, but that's a bit off-putting and brazen, no? I'm curious, do you ever go out to dinner with friends who may like to imbibe a bit? And if so, have you scared them into disregarding their own preference to appease you? I've just never heard of someone feeling that they have the right to assert such a stance to other adults. I completely understand if you do not drink, and choose to avoid situations that may be focused around drinking, but to say that no one would DARE to drink around you seems quite "holier than thou" to me. Would you care to elaborate, because maybe I'm missing something...

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 7:36 AM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Now I don't know Kenny's background/story, BUT I have two good friends who are recovering alcoholics. We were out and sitting at a dinner table and I went to order a glass of wine. I did stop and ask them if it was OK. If they had said we prefer you don't have wine, I wouldn't have. In this case it was OK, but I will say that I would not feel comfortable bringing alcohol into their house when I stay there.

So, you just never know what the situation might be. Personally, if there's a party at my house there's probably going to be alcohol. But that's at my house.

 

 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 8:50 AM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Dear WB,

", but to say that no one would DARE to drink around you seems quite "holier than thou" to me. Would you care to elaborate, because maybe I'm missing something..."

Yes, you are missing something and I'll let KOW explain.

All things considered, I agree with KOW on this one.

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MelMix Posts : 46 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 11:03 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

LOL..I feel ya! That's just about what I went through on the day of my dad's wedding. What I found extra hilarious is that my stepmom's kids (grown adults) conveniently disappeared after helping to clean up a little afterwards. I learned later that "they needed to get the kids home" (it was barely 6 p.m. in the evening when all was done). Fine..but checking in with me to make sure everything was good, or if I needed anything else would have been nice to do. Oh well!

I learned a big lesson from that..and it is..APPOINT A "POINT" PERSON AHEAD OF TIME WHO REALLY WILL DO THE WORK YOU ASK! My FH and I have made sure that the MM of Ceremonies are not overwhelmed with duties and we've given a few things for the bridal party to take care of. Everyone can still have fun!

Hey...how about cereal and Pop Tarts for a reception? Who's game? :)

Wedding Countdown Ticker

"life is not a dress rehearsal, so live like it's showtime!"

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 12:33 PM Go to message in response to: delmarplatinumb...

What is it about a sandwich that makes it inappropriate for a dinnertime reception? The fact that it's not a hot meal? I'm asking about meat-and-cheese deli sandwiches, here, not those little watercress tea triangles.


What about panini? A hot meal, but still a sandwich.


I'm not trying to pick a fight; I am curious. It's been interesting to read the differing opinions here, which obviously are going to be colored by where we live and what we're used to seeing at weddings. If light refreshments are the norm, no matter the time of day, then I'd expect that those people don't go to dinnertime receptions hungry and expecting dinner even if the invitation is silent as to what kind of food will be offered. If a plated dinner or buffet dinner is the norm for evening receptions (as it is where I live), then people will go to the wedding expecting a full meal, and serving peanuts 'n punch without prior warning will have all the guests leaving early and beating a path to the nearest restaurant.


At my evening reception, we're having chef-attended food stations. One station will have carved beef tenderloin and carved pork with accompanying sauces and fingerling potatoes, prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and rolls. Another station will have custom salads prepared for the guests. Another will have pasta tossed with a choice of sauce and a choice of seafood and vegetables. All of this will be served small-plate style to encourage the guests to be up and mingling. Eat a little of this, mingle, eat a little bit of that, etc. We want a higher energy, "up and around" party where our guests aren't confined to their seats. We're serving hearty food, and there will be plenty of it. But it's not the usual plated dinner or buffet line where you file through, pile your plate high, and park your butt in your seat for an hour or two. Most likely, you'll graze throughout the evening.


As I said, where I live, sit-down dinners are the norm for evening receptions. But it honestly never occurred to me to note on the invitations that a "traditional" meal (here that would usually be a plate of chicken-in-sauce, mashed potatoes, and steamed mixed veggies) won't be served. We'll have plenty of food for guests to have a complete dinner; it just won't be served the way people are used to. To what extent can you go outside the box without warning your guests?

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I heard about (but didn't attend) a wedding where the guests were served rubber chicken while the head table feasted on surf 'n turf.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 1:54 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

who is the one who has the story of the ubertacky wedding where the
Bride and Groom pretty much treated their guests like crap (the head
table was decorated to the nines and the guests had no table
decorations...food was negligible and the bride had like a $5000 gown
etc?)


I'm sure there have been many weddings like that, but my BIL's wedding was pretty bad for those reasons!

Bride made a big deal of telling everyone how expensive her COUTURE dress was (I now hate that word, simply due to the way she threw it around) and how her handmade veil cost $800. Guests sat on metal folding chairs. Bride and Groom had $400 toasting flutes - and Bride made sure everybody knew how much they cost. Guests had to pay for their own drinks, including WATER (and the bar wouldn't take credit cards and there was no ATM in the town). Bride had a hissy-fit when the entire WP didn't want to stand in the sun watching the photographer take photos of her. Guests had to wait 2.5 hours for the WP to arrive at the reception, with only a cheese tray to munch on - and no WATER! Bride and groom went on a 2 week, 10K honeymoon, but couldn't splurge on air-conditioning on a 90-degree day (this WAS their decision, not a broken air conditioner. Their reception was at an outdoor pavilion and the venue offered to put tent walls up and run the A/C for a very minimal charge - they chose not to, so that the guests could enjoy 'the beautiful view.' I didn't remember a beautiful view - I remember how hot, miserable, and THIRSTY I was!) Some other fun tidbts: reception was a 1.5 hour drive from the ceremony location, outdoor location had uneven footing and even open wells in some places (my 2-year old nephew discovered them), pavilion was upwind from COWS and smelled, there was a Dollar Dance (no cultural or regional tradition in this case), AND a 'dollar tree' as you entered the reception in case you wanted to donate extra money for their honeymoon (on top of the honeymoon registry?)

None of these things would have been a big deal to me if the couple had been gracious - but they were bratty and greedy. I hate to say that about my BIL, but his wife is a brat and he's easily influenced, so he went along with all the tackiness. If she had worn a $99 dollar gown and they drank out of the same glasses as everyone else, none of this would have been a big deal. The issue was that she went out of her way to emphasize how expensive everything FOR HER was, while seemingly not caring that she scrimped on guest comfort.

Oh yeah, and not only did I never receive a thank-you note, but I got a lovely phone call from her a couple months after their wedding. Now, she and I are not friends - I think that's the only phone call I've ever received from her. Anyway, she called to try to sell me some makeup. I told her that I wasn't interested and asked politely about her honeymoon, as I hadn't heard from BIL since the wedding. Now, they had a honeymoon registry, which we contributed to, since it seemed to be a big deal to them. When I asked about the honeymoon, she said 'The honeymoon was lovely, but now that we're back, we kind of regret focusing all our wedding gifts on the honeymoon - because all our friends who have gotten married have lots of stuff to show for it, and we have nothing.' Ok, good to know. Next time you ask for something, I'll just assume that you won't appreciate it and save myself the expense.

A year later, we received a 'newsletter' from them. You know the type of newsletter people sometimes send in Xmas cards? Except they sent it in the summer. Anyway, in the newsletter, they said that 'We have recently learned that some of our thank you notes never reached their destinations, so we'd like to thank you all...' Really? Since you're mailing something out to everyone you know anyway, would it REALLY have been hard to insert a handwritten thank you note?

Sorry to keep rambling, but this stuff really cracks me up. Nothing they do really surprises me anymore. The first Xmas after their wedding, they sent an email to family containing a wedding registry (!) that they had created for Xmas presents, since they 'had nothing to show' for their wedding. We sent them a box of chocolates instead of anything they might possibly find useful. They sent us nothing. This year, they sent an email to family asking to be excused from the Xmas gift exchange this year, as they've just bought a house (that they can't afford) and have no money. Ok, fine. That's understandable - except that the email continued with a list of things that THEY need/want for Xmas. We sent them a card. Didn't get one from them, though my MIL and SIL (who each sent them a gift card) got photo-cards from them. I guess you only get a Xmas card from them if you shell out some cash!

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Art - I swear EVERY time you post something I think - it can't be worse than last time. Well, guess I was wrong. WTF is it with some people??

 

 

 

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 2:23 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I know, I know...just when I think they've reached a new low, they out-do themselves. At this point, it's really just pretty funny - though I'm sure it would be hellish if we had to deal with them on a regular basis. Cohosting my MIL's retirement party last summer with both BILs was rather interesting. Fortunately, my other SIL had my back when Crazy Chick had tacky ideas.

And just because it's fun, here's my favorite of her ideas for the retirement party: charge the guests to attend. Yep, like a fundraiser. Can you guess how long it took us to veto that idea? Pretty much as soon as one of us managed to pick jaws up off the ground...

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 2:28 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

OMG. Well, we see that crap on here too. I can't afford to pay for the party I want so I'm going to get people to help us pay - and I still expect a gift equal to what I paid per head for the privledge of coming to my wedding.

shakes head

 

 

 

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 2:59 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Not at all brazen or off-putting to my friends and family. Yes I go out to dinner with friends who may like to imbibe they do not do it when I am with them. And no I have not scared anyone into doing anything it is just a matter of respect.

I would be happy to elaborate I should have said no one would dare drink around us. Since the people who I surround myself with know the situation they know alcohol will not be served at our home, for the most part we do not go to places where alcohol is served and when we visit our friends they will not serve alcohol. It is not a "holier than thou" stance to anyone but you. The people who matter don't feel that way.

Not that it is any of your business because it isn't my husband is an addict, alcohol is a drug and dangerous for an addict since our family and friends all understand that they act accordingly. Have I cleared things up for you?

Thanks Aunt I appreciate your understanding.





Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P, People Offended by Offended People

wedding websites

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: briony

Briony,

I don't know if it's a regional thing or otherwise, but the norm for weddings I've been to is that afternoon receptions have lighter food and tended to be more casual (BBQs etc), and evening receptions are heavier food and were more formal (plated dinner, buffet, or stations, but all similar types of food).


So in my experience, the time of day of the reception would dictate my expectation for a meal and I've yet to be surprised in that regard. And when a couple has decided to go out of this norm they've indicated it either on the invite, reception card or on their website because they know the general expectation/experience of their guests. For example, one couple had an elaborate dessert cocktail reception in the afternoon. Knowing that their guests would be expecting a traditional but light meal, this was expressly written on the invite "please join us for delicious dessert feast after the ceremony" (or something like that). Similarly, I received an invitation for a reception that started at 7 (ceremony was at 3). That's a nebulous time for guests to know what to expect since it's still around dinner time but it's getting a bit later (will there be dinner/only hors d'oeuvres??), and this couple wrote something like "please join us for light refreshments" since it was a passed hors d'oeuvres reception and they wanted guests to know that a full meal wasn't being served.


So, there's nothing heinously wrong with serving sandwiches for a dinnertime reception, but if guests would generally expect a plated meal it would be surprising to them. I know I would be surprised because that just hasn't been my experience. It wouldn't necessarily make that wedding any better or worse than others I've been to, but it would be unusual for me.


In your case, if it's just the way the food is being served that's different from the norm I wouldn't worry about writing anything on your invites.


 

 

~~Life's tough, wear a cup~~

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 4:18 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Aunt,
Then, Yikes to you as well. As I said, I understand not allowing alcholo in your home....that is your choice and everyone should respect it. BUT the impudent assurance in saying that no one would DARE to drink around me cannot be salvaged in my mind by any excuse. I'm assuming that there alcholism involved in one way or another, and I respect the difficulty that this brings in situation with alcohol....but it's just the way in which the statement was make that irks me...a lot. The insolence behind the comment is just a bit over the top to assert towards adults...

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 4:27 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Sounds like you are the one with the problem. As I said no one who knows me would dare drink around me. In my world that is just how it works. As adults they choose not to do it. It has never been a question, it just is.


 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

wedding websites

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bosoxgirl Posts : 231 Registered: 2/3/10
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 4:28 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

A year later, we received a 'newsletter' from them. You know the type of newsletter people sometimes send in Xmas cards? Except they sent it in the summer. Anyway, in the newsletter, they said that 'We have recently learned that some of our thank you notes never reached their destinations, so we'd like to thank you all...' Really? Since you're mailing something out to everyone you know anyway, would it REALLY have been hard to insert a handwritten thank you note?

Art,

I am still waiting for a thank you card from a bridal shower and wedding i went to in November 2006. People are just rude!

 

  

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

 

 

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