Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...

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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 8:40 AM

Hello all!

After recently getting engaged (1/23/10) my godmother, grandmother & mom have been anxiously waiting for my FH & I to make decisions such as the guest list, wedding date & location of the wedding because they want to host an engagement party ASAP.

Last week my FH & I put together a preliminary guest list of 136 family & close friends. We decided on a September 2011 wedding & have agreed that we both want to be married in Virginia (where we met & currently live). We love the beach life & the laidback way of life that we have here. We want a low-key yet romantic sunset wedding.

The problem is that 85% of our guests are from the tri-state area. It would be considerate of us to host the wedding in NJ so that a majority of our guests would not have to travel 6 1/2 hours for the wedding. However, those 15- 20 guests from VA would have to travel 6 1/2 hours up to NJ & pay for a hotel room for one or two nights. Our guests from VA are our age & the hotels in NJ are much pricier than we're all used to paying down here in VA, it would be a bigger burden on those few guests.

So what I'm asking is, how do I convey to my mom, dad, godmother & other family members that a NJ wedding isn't what we want? My parents have stated time & time again that they just want us to have the wedding that we want. But I feel guilty for wanting what will inconvenience so many people.

"Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do." -Rod Stewart

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 8:55 AM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

Jersey - Just tell them. It's all good. Don't bother (IMHO) to explain to them about the hotels etc - Just say that we love the area in VA and want to get married here!

They can host the engagement party in NJ - there you go! :-)

Trust me, some were surprised we got married in NJ, but that's what I wanted. I also knew my g-mom couldn't travel. (Then she didn't make it anyway, but I digress. It was much easier for my god mom to make it.)

It's your (and FH's) decision and wedding. You're all good.

 

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 9:01 AM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

I like Pharm's suggestion of the engagement part in NJ. That sounds like a good compromise. (I bet Snooks could make an appearance for you)

But I am sure since your family has expressed they want you to have it where YOU want, they aren't lying to you. I think it's very nice that you are taking in to consideration everyone's finances and plans. But the truth is, you can't make everyone happy. The important people to make happy are you, FH and your immediate family. And it sounds like they are willing to do whatever you decide.

You will be surprised at the amount of people who will travel for your wedding when you think they won't. We had so many of DH;s relatives come out from 7 hrs away for our wedding and it was really an honor.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

Dear Jersey,

When you are in the midst of planning, you will find it much easier to plan the wedding where you are not, now miles away.

Just tell your family exactly that. You want to be fully involved in the planning, and you can do that best from the place you live now.

People can travel. There are cars, trains, airplanes and hotels everywhere.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

One of the first things I learned while planning my wedding (and this was also while I was looking for a venue) was that you're not going to be able to please everyone, so don't start trying to because it's only going to stress you out, and you won't be getting the wedding that you truly want. My mom was concerned with some of the spots I was checking out because she said the elderly won't want to drive that far after dark. I told her, it's my wedding, I'm having it where I want to and can afford to, and if someone can't make it then they can't make it. The only people I took into consideration was my grandparents. I also told her, if I start rearranging my plans for one group of people, then I gotta take into consideration another group for another aspect of the wedding, and so on and it would be never ending!

I think it would be easier if you had the wedding where you live as well. You won't have to be making trips to NJ (not sure if you already do that on a regular basis), and you won't have to plan so far in advance to go visit places. There might be free times where you want to go check out a venue the last minute (we did that sometimes, if we were in the area we'd call a place up and ask if we could stop by), but when you have to make travel arrangements it can get difficult. Then once you book, you might want to take your parents, or your FH's parents, and what if there isn't a day when it's good for everyone?

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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 9:00 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

That's a great compromise! That sounds fair, host the engagement party in New Jersey then the wedding in Virginia. I've already got my eye on two or three venues in Virginia that have the decor and feel that my FH & I are going for too. I guess when you have a vision, it's difficult to try & adjust it to something else.

I know that this shouldn't be a big deal, I'm sure you are all right, my parents will be completely understanding. I just want to make this easy on everyone. It sounds like it's time to be a strong confident bride, not just some pushover people-pleaser =)

Thank you!


"Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do." -Rod Stewart

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springorchid Posts : 176 Registered: 4/8/07
Re: Expressing to my parents where we want to host the wedding...
Posted: Feb 10, 2010 6:17 PM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

Hi Jersey Girl,

Having spent most of last summer looking for a lovely beach location in NJ, I can tell you that it is not a great situation. I'm sure you're aware of the Boardwalks at the Shore. If you want a private beach wedding, well, I couldn't find it. I hated that I would have had to cross the boardwalk, and, in many cases, Main Street. I grew up in CA, and to me, on the beach means ON the beach...no roads, no walkway, nothing. As a note, I'm going to be putting a deposit down on a place in PA this weekend. So if you want a private beach wedding, I suggest you stay in VA (which is where you want to be anyways).

As for your family, if they have said that they want you to be happy then you can't feel guilty!

Perhaps, since I would bet that VA is cheaper and has some great beaches, maybe your family would like it to be over a holiday weekend. Then families could rent beach houses and make a vacation of your wedding. Maybe Memorial Day weekend. Something to ask about.

Good luck!

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