Pharm -

I know it's a lot different, in the north. My cousin moved to Scranton, PA, after she got married, and she was shocked to discover that the bride & groom, almost always, provide all the alcohol. It's just not traditional, down here. In the same sense, however, the formal receptions where 4-course meals are served aren't big here, either. Sure you'll run into the occasional wedding that is "out of the norm", but the reception usually consists of finger foods and stations.

1. Your timing stinks-Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA

Agree. I expect to wait an hour or so while the couple takes pictures, but any longer than that and it's a PITA. If I'm dressed up for a wedding, I don't want to go out and "explore the town" (or whatever) while the newlyweds visit 12 different sites for photos. I'll be right there with the posters who said they'd be getting tipsy at the hotel bar. I'm less likely to grumble (to myself) about a long break if it's because the couple's church won't allow evening ceremonies and they still want an evening reception... but still. It's annoying.

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good

Holiday weekends don't bother me; in fact, I prefer them, especially if I have to travel. But then, I don't have the longstanding annual holiday plans like some people do. A random weeknight would be fine for a local wedding, but I wouldn't take the time off work to travel unless I was really, really close to the bride or groom.

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances"

Agree. My attention span will allow 2-3 brief toasts and three dances (bride/groom, father/bride, and mother/groom) before I start counting tiles on the ceiling.

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food

Mediocre food, if it's what they can afford, doesn't bother me. It would only bother me if the couple was intentionally cutting hospitality corners. Ordinarily I think that how a couple chooses to allocate their wedding budget is their own business, but I'm not going to lie. If you're wearing the $8,000 Kenneth Pool ball gown and serving your guests chips and dip, I'm going to roll my eyes a little.

Insufficient food is bad. If you're not going to serve a meal, that's fine, but please schedule your reception for an off-meal time.

5. You're makings us pay?-the hated "cash bar"

Agree. Though I enjoy a glass of wine or three at a wedding, I'd rather see NO alcohol than a cash bar. Seriously, host the party you can afford and just skip whatever's not in your budget. Guests should not be expected to open their wallets at a hosted event.

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with no place to sit.

All annoying, but I can deal.

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible

Disagree that it's necessary. It's nice if the couple has room in their budgets (and in their venue) to give every single guest a +1, but if they can't, no biggie. As for dating couples, I can understand why hosts would opt for "no ring, no bring" instead of getting into the business of evaluating the "seriousness" of the relationships between their not-formally-committed friends. Even though the rule can operate harshly.

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl

I'd decline if asked to take on one of these roles, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking.

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and speak with and thank their guests for coming.

Agree. You don't need a formal receiving line, but every effort should me made to circulate the room and greet everyone. And yes, send a Thank You note!

1. You don't have a vegetarian entree. No, feeding me green beans, rolls, and salad isn't enough. I'm bringing you a present so feed me. It's not that hard to throw some pasta in a pot and put Ragu on top, I ain't looking for anything fancy here. It will save you money too.

Agree that a vegetarian entree should be provided. Beyond that, I think it's unreasonable to expect the hosts to cater to everyone's food issues. Picky eaters should grab something to eat beforehand if they're worried that what's on offer won't be to their liking.

2. Winter weddings. I know you think the snow is romantic and pretty but I think driving a far ways in a blizzard sucks. Totally sucks.

Never had to do this, but yeah, that would suck.

I'm totally going to get flamed for this one:
3. If we're coming from out-of-town, let me bring my kids or at least have a babysitter. I don't know anyone in your area and day care centers aren't open on Saturday nights till midnight. (I don't have kids yet, but we decided together that this would completely piss us off if it happened.)

Ordinarily I have no problem with child-free weddings, but I agree that having a destination wedding (or a local wedding that nonetheless requires lots of your invited guests to travel) changes things a bit. Kids should be accommodated, or the couple should expect lots of declines from parents coming from OOT.

1. Your timing stinks-Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA

Totally agree. I understand the 1 hour gap. It's called a cocktail hour. But the second I see the clock move past an hour I get cranky like an old man!

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good

Yeah I guess I agree. As long as I didn't have anything too important going on I'd go for a close friend or family but anyone else... No thanks.

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances"

I'm torn. I understand lots of dances and everyone and their mother want to toast but if it's longer than a minute I get VERY bored.

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food

Mediocre food doesn't really bother me. At least it's food. But not having enough food, now thats an issue.

5. You're makings us pay?-the hated "cash bar"

Can't disagree or agree. I haven't been to a wedding in a while so I can't remember if they had one or not. I'm a fan of the all or nothing rule though. At our wedding we are having no alcohol except for a champagne/cider toast.

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with no place to sit.

I can deal with the heat, bugs, and not enough room to squeeze between the seats but if there aren't enough seats I may walk around with my chair so someone doesn't steal it.

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible

100% disagree.

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl

Yeah I'd be slightly annoyed.

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and speak with and thank their guests for coming.

You have to see all the guests. No question about it.

1. You don't have a vegetarian entree. No, feeding me green beans, rolls, and salad isn't enough. I'm bringing you a present so feed me. It's not that hard to throw some pasta in a pot and put Ragu on top, I ain't looking for anything fancy here. It will save you money too.

I completely agree. We are having chicken parmesan. With that though we are having a pasta dish with garlic and oil. It's really not hard to at least have some dish they can eat!

2. Winter weddings. I know you think the snow is romantic and pretty but I think driving a far ways in a blizzard sucks. Totally sucks.

I live in AZ so I have NO experience with this :)

3. If we're coming from out-of-town, let me bring my kids or at least have a babysitter. I don't know anyone in your area and day care centers aren't open on Saturday nights till midnight. (I don't have kids yet, but we decided together that this would completely piss us off if it happened.)

I'm not really sure. I have no experience with this and we don't have any OOT guests or anyone with children.


With the garter retrieval, I don't mind as long as it's a quick grab but if he's up there longer than 20 seconds it gets awkward for me to watch.

 I feel like a kid. Pinch me. This kind of love certainly can't be real. Oh wait, it is :)

1. Your timing stinks-Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances"

I think balance is the key here. We're having music during the cocktail hour, then dinner, toasts towards the end of dinner, then we cut the cake. As guests eat cake, a friend of mine is providing live entertainment. As everyone is digesting cake/dinner, then we're doing the special dances. I think breaking things up a bit helps the monotony.

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food

Insufficient food is a pet peeve for me. It's important to make it clear if the reception includes a dinner, or appetizers. There's nothing worse than deciding not to eat much for the day and then realize that all you are getting is cake, mints, and punch.

5. You're making us pay?-the hated "cash bar"

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with no place to sit.

People should neither feel cramped or so spaced out it's hard to hold a conversation with someone. Cozy, but not cramped, creates an intimate feeling. Guests should feel comfortable (warm/cool), depending on the venue.

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible

I was careful enough to invite single people the option of bringing a guest within the amount of guests we could have. This way, there are no last minute surprises.

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl

YES. I agree. Talk to people ahead of time, no one likes a surprise duty. Be considerate of your bridal party too..don't just assume they are able or willing to do all your bidding. When my dad got remarried, they did not communicate their expectations to their M&M of Ceremonies...and they sat on their butts the entire time. I ended up being the "point person" by default, from communicating with the photographer, making sure cake was served, to serving champagne to guests, to being the last one there to clean up. I hardly got to eat any dinner and had no cake. I did it because I love my dad, but I was quite annoyed with the situation.

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and speak with and thank their guests for coming.

You have to see all the guests. No question about it.

1. You don't have a vegetarian entree. No, feeding me green beans, rolls, and salad isn't enough. I'm bringing you a present so feed me. It's not that hard to throw some pasta in a pot and put Ragu on top, I ain't looking for anything fancy here. It will save you money too.

2. Winter weddings. I know you think the snow is romantic and pretty but I think driving a far ways in a blizzard sucks. Totally sucks.

As someone who is in Michigan and is getting married in 11 days, yes, there is a chance of bad weather. But our date is strictly to hold down huge rental costs. We could not have the wedding we have planned if it was in May. If people can make it, we're thrilled to see them. If the weather is too bad, then we are still getting married.

3. If we're coming from out-of-town, let me bring my kids or at least have a babysitter. I don't know anyone in your area and day care centers aren't open on Saturday nights till midnight. (I don't have kids yet, but we decided together that this would completely piss us off if it happened.)

Again, this is a guest choice. I am assuming that if given proper notice (at least 8 weeks ahead of time), there is sufficient time to have Grandma/Aunt Joyce/a neighbor come by and watch the kids. This is especially important with toddlers...I don't think the parents can have a great time if the child is shrieking/throwing tantrums/trying to rip apart presents. It's not up to the B&G to provide a babysitter.

Dollar Dances: Now, I know there is talk that it is tacky, but it is almost expected to have one in Michigan! I think the area of where one lives dictates some of the traditions. We're doing the dance because the guests around here seem to expect and like it! Candy and shots of liquor are offered as a thank you for participating. But I do not expect someone to do it.

As much is is important to be good to the guests, guests need to be gracious too. :)

"life is not a dress rehearsal, so live like it's showtime!"

Dear Kelly,

Would it be possible to move up the time of the reception? Lunchtime? Mid-afternoon?

LOL at Brianz walking around and tugging her chair with her so no body steals it :)

Ditto on the raunchy garter toss.

Im with you Woosta for not letting yourself stress over the two +1s. Not saying you shouldnt accomodate them but I dont think theres much stress in just letting the caterer know that you need two vegetarian dishes and then just forget all about it and check it off your list :) Now if I would get a "do not like" list of foods on my rsvp's Id just laugh and put that to the side. Thats just silly. They can bring their own food in that case lol.

Kelly - I can honestly tell you if I was coming to your wedding Id not only "not mind" the gap but Id welcome it!! - only because its in downtown chicago though :) I absolutely love that place and defenitely think theres enough to keep you occupied and happy about it - or at least not make you grumpy..but I guess it does matter just how much of a gap were talking about here.

How do you ladies feel about couples doing registries and sending the registry info in with the invites/not making a registry and passing it on through the grapevine that they want only monetary gifts?

I am going to defend the damnable deli platters for dinner time reception, because I am sick and tired of snooty people thinking that they are unacceptable suppertime fare.

Guess what...I invited you to a wedding. I provided you with plenty of food. Its a sandwich, and there is plenty of it. So what if it is not a hot dinner. Big deal. I didn't put out bologna and american cheese and wonderbread. I put out fancy rolls, roast beef, turkey and ham. The cheeses were higher end too.

And why might someone do that?

Because there are people in the wedding party who are vegetarians, who are diabetic. there are close friends attending who have other dietary restrictions, and I cannot afford a hot dish to accomodate all of this.

As a bride, I had always wanted an evening wedding. I wanted to have the dance. And so what if I could not afford to have it catered? My wedding was within budget. I provided ample food for you to eat ... and even planned on guests eating up to four sandwiches in my purchasing....so there was plenty and you were not going to starve.

I am tired of hearing "sandwhiches are for 2 pm receptions".

Where I am from, no matter what time the wedding ... unless the budget is $30,000, you get cheese straws, nuts and cake. If it is $30,000 or higher, the reception is at a club. I've never been to one of those higher budget weddings here...and every wedding I have been to (again, no matter what time it is) is cheese straws, nuts and cake (maybe chicken fingers).

The deli platters are not the demon spawn of wedding food. Maybe they are not filet mignon...but you got plenty to eat, so shut up about the sandwiches at supper time.

And yeah, I am sick and tired of hearing people say "if you are only providing sandwich fare, then have an afternoon wedding." We're providing food that fits the budget...sometimes the budget gets altered after things get started.

Did I start out with deli platters? No. I didn't want them...but after we found out all the dietary RESTRICTIONS (not pickiness) of our guests, we figured this was the best option. We could not afford the caterer (or we could have, but our guests would have had insufficient food)

And don't say "cut the number of guests" We pared down our list to painful levels, we cut a lot of people we didn't want to cut. Cutting more was not an option.

As long as the bride and groom provide you a meal type dish (regardless of whether it is filet mignon or a roast beef sandwhich), they HAVE provided you with a meal.

Cucumber sandwhiches and little tea cakes, those I can see being annoying. But when you can construct a hearty sandwhich, regardless of the time of day, that is a meal. Get over it!

Misty