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Anyone else feel...

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desiofwonderland Posts : 10 Registered: 2/6/10
Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 10:13 AM

Does anyone else feel like a lot of the women on here are smug and catty?

I forgot why I don't have a lot of female friends until I got on here.



Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 10:18 AM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

I have been a member for about 4 years and I don't think they are smug and catty at all. Some of them are very blunt and don't mince words. Others just need thicker skin. Not everyone sugar coats things and some people, especially newbies find that hard to take.

Just FYI - calling a lot of the women smug and catty isn't exactly the best way to make friends.



Edited by: Bride2008 on Feb 8, 2010 10:19 AM



desiofwonderland Posts : 10 Registered: 2/6/10
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 10:24 AM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

I really don't feel I need to make friends on online communities, so I am not too worried about those consequenses.

I figured I would throw my true feelings out there, and see if anyone else felt the same. If not, oh well.



karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

I have to imagine this relates to some other thread I haven't read because this post otherwise was out of left field, but...

I'm not sure how posting this would fix anything or make anything better. I've found all the women on here to be direct, but extraordinarily helpful. Personally, I don't like sugar coating - if I'm seeking opinions on the internet, I'd rather hear the worst case opinion.

Can things occasionally be said nicer? I suppose, but it's the same as the real world - people are who they are. It's not like someone speaks bluntly to you and sugar coats it to someone else.

BTW, I'd expect a lot of "rude" responses to this post because your original post is rude.

 



NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

Do you really think you are going to get responses like:

Yes, actually I am a MEMBER of this board b/c everyone is so mean to me.

you're just upset b/c no one agreed with what you wanted to do which was beg for money for your wedding. And now you're just out to start trouble which is a really good way to go about anything.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em



desiofwonderland Posts : 10 Registered: 2/6/10
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 10:32 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

I'm not expecting to get nice answers to this, obviously.

It was more of a second shot to see if anyone else just started on here, or maybe some one saying, 'yea, they can be sometimes, but thats just a few that stand out. We're not all like that.'

Then I might have said, hmm, I might actually try coming back here when I have nothing to do, but that's probably not going to happen.



kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 2:10 PM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

Oh Wow you guys had fun and I missed it? I am going to have to come around more often.

OP I agree they are very smug and very catty. I don't know why they are so mean. I understand if you want to ask your guest to give you money for whatever reason. It is your right to do that afterall it is your wedding.

I can't understand why they don't poop rainbows and butterflies it would make for a much nicer community. I don't blame you if you never come back that is what they deserve.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 2:49 PM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

Desiof,

I've been a member since fall of 2009. So, I guess I'm still kinda a newbie... Sometimes posts may seem smug or catty because they disagree with an OP or PP. But, for the most part many of the ladies on here give good advice and suggestions. There are moments when I think someone is being rude or unnecessary, but that's just life. We're all different and we all respond differently. I read through posts and keep the info I want or am looking for and disregard what I don't see as pertaining to me. I've had my share of 'catty' disputes on here, but they are less frequent than the pleasant or fun conversations. At first, I thought about leaving too, but I stayed and got a feel for the community and I 'get it' now. In fact, i'm sure I can assume who some of the 'catty and smug' ladies are and I actually enjoy their posts now :) If a person has created a dislike for me, then I'm sure they ignore my posts. Which is fine with me. We go about our business as usual.

So, to answer your question: yes, some ladies do appear smug or catty at times. But, these are ladies with straight forward personalities who are not afraid to speak their mind. Life take/needs all kinds. And some of the brides who come on here, need that kind of blunt response to snap them into reality! I'm sure they are fine ladies and so I don't pass judgement based on a bridal site.

I think we are all appreciated in some way for what we bring to the boards. Even you ;)



check out our wedding website: www.shawnandkathaeleen.brides.com



Edited by: happydefiant1 on Feb 8, 2010 2:35 PM



HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 3:36 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

Ditto happydefiant1. And the fact is that a lot of the women on here really know what they're talking about.

On another discussion board that I pretty much only lurk on, there are a lot more posters that are all about making the OP feel good, they're just downright wrong, IMO. A poster will come on there and say something like, "None of my friends or family has offered to throw me a baby shower. Is it tacky to throw one myself?" About half the posters will come back saying "Yes, tacky." Which I agree with. And the other half will come back saying, "OMG it's totally OK. Every baby deserves to be celebrated!" Um, yes, that's TRUE, but that doesn't mean it's OK to throw your own shower! So you might feel good after you post, but a lot of un-savvy people are posting the answers.

In summary, the women on this particular board are pretty life-savvy and etiquette-savvy, esp. compared to some other boards. Try theknot.com and all you'll get is cattiness, from what I understand. At least on here, even if people are too blunt for your taste they DO know what they're talking about and they're trying to be helpful in their blunt way.

And as some posters point out sometimes when people come on here looking for rainbows and butterflies and get blunt responses: the responses you get on here are reflective of what the people in your life are thinking, so it's actually good to get the variety of responses. Some people in your life will always poop rainbows and butterflies for you, but others will be thinking "What the heck was she thinking when she set up a donation account for her wedding?" Wouldn't you rather know strangers' views on that ahead of time instead of doing something like that and finding out later that your grandma wasn't too impressed with what you did? I would.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 3:59 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

I'm blunt and straight forward in real life - why would I change on a publuc forum? I'm not changing myself to suit others in any walk of life (not that you were suggesting we should Happy, I'm just saying).

Bally - I <3 you!

 

 

 



AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 5:46 PM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

Hey if you don't like our opinions, don't ask for them.

I'm a newbie here and nobody has been anything but honest. Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear, but I don't come looking for sugarcoated advice.

AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

 

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :) 



Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 6:13 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010

FYI Amy, I am also a ginormous Sabres fan!! :)

 

Proud member and S.C.A.T. of POOP - People Offended by Offended People



JessyNChris Posts : 120 Registered: 4/3/08
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 7:19 PM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

I think the women on here give great advice, and are nice. They are much better than the women on theknot.com.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting  Waiting to be Mrs. Styskal 



WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: desiofwonderland

Considering this is a website for women (well mostly), smug and catty seems fitting. We've all got a little bit of those character traits in us, and they rear their ugly heads when circumstances call for it. The trick is to stand your ground and make your points, but you have to have the balls to back it up. I've had problems with some individuals on here, but eh, who cares. You don't like something someone says, let it be known.....just realize that most of the women on here have adopted this philosophy as well.



auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Anyone else feel...
Posted: Feb 8, 2010 9:23 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Ladies,

I think we need to step back, a moment, and think about what it the purpose of an anonymous message board.

The purpose is to get honest opinions about a proposed line of action.

It's tough, in real life, to get those honest opinions, especially when the proposed line of action is something dumb.

I see that kind of stuff all the time. Because I value the friendship or the family relationship, I keep my opinion to myself. I get wedding invitations with computer-generated address stickers. I give nice presents and never get any kind of thank you note. I see horrid choices in wedding attire. I don't breathe a word of criticism.

That doesn't mean I am not thinking that criticism. In my Private Thoughts, I might have a low opinion of the derelict thank you note writer or the bride with the low cut, high thigh slit stripper-esque dress. My Public Expression will be nothing more than "Lovely wedding, my dear.".

Where can you go to get an honest answer? An anonymous message board. People here are not emotionally invested in you. They don't know you. They don't know if you will follow their suggestions or not. Here you can ask a question and get a variety of honest answers.

Then, take those answers and make an informed decision. If you ask a question and 9 out of 10 responses say "Ewww, how rude", then you might imagine that people you know in real life might be thinking the same thing behind the "Lovely wedding, my dear" smiles.

If that doesn't bother you, then great. Go for it. Skip the thank you notes. Wear a too-sexy dress. Not my problem.

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