As a wedding guest I hate....

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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 5, 2010 7:42 PM

So I got this from the knot and Im sure some of you have seen it but I thought it was interesting and decided to post it here for discussion! What do you ladies think - do you agree with what they have on here? Do you have something to add that they missed? Its good to keep this stuff in the back on our minds as brides!



1. Your timing stinks-Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances"

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food

5. You're makings us pay?-the hated "cash bar"

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with no place to sit.

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and speak with and thank their guests for coming.

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 5, 2010 8:07 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I agree with all of them except for the plus ones and the wait time. Budget constraints are tough. If I was single and I knew at least one other person there I would be good without a date. Probably if I was single and knew absolutely nobody besides B&G and didn't get a date I'd decline. If I was single and knew someone else there then it wouldn't be a big deal. Finding a date is oh-so-much pressure when you're single. Then everyone at the wedding assumes you're romantically involved and that's awkward if you're not. THIS is exactly why our siblings in the wedding party are allowed to bring dates but ALL are bringing same-sex friends..to avoid the awkward questions from family.

I don't mind wait time. A wedding I was at a few months back had 3 hours wait time. We brought our Snuggies to Barnes and Noble and read some magazines and put them back. Then we went to the hotel lobby and watched football in our Snuggies.

LOL to the porta-potties one. I would just not drink any beverages and sneak out and head to the nearest McDonald's, Wal-Mart, or woods. Peeing ANYWHERE is better than a porta john.



I've only ever been to three weddings at the ages of 7, 10 and 19, so I really only remember one. So these are all hypothetical:

1. You don't have a vegetarian entree. No, feeding me green beans, rolls, and salad isn't enough. I'm bringing you a present so feed me. It's not that hard to throw some pasta in a pot and put Ragu on top, I ain't looking for anything fancy here. It will save you money too.

2. Winter weddings. I know you think the snow is romantic and pretty but I think driving a far ways in a blizzard sucks. Totally sucks.

I'm totally going to get flamed for this one:

3. If we're coming from out-of-town, let me bring my kids or at least have a babysitter. I don't know anyone in your area and day care centers aren't open on Saturday nights till midnight. (I don't have kids yet, but we decided together that this would completely piss us off if it happened.)

AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

 

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :) 

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 5, 2010 8:18 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010

1. I agree - have enough time for pictures, and that's it. It's good if you offer a cocktail hour in this time so the guests have something to do.

2. I disagree on the holiday weekend thing. Depending on which one it is, long weekends provide an extra travel day which may make it possible for some people to come who otherwise wouldn't be able to.

3. No real opinion

4. Insufficient food, unless noted on the invitation ("dessert reception", for example) is not good.

5. Agree

6. Agree

7. disagree depending on the circumstances

8/9. Agree


I also agree with the vegetarian thing, or if you know that other guests have dietary restrictions. Withint reason, you should try to have your caterer accomodate as many people as possible.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 5, 2010 8:56 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

1. I actually disagree on this, because I understand the reason. Usually it is a photography thing.

2. Random weeknight...agree. Holiday....depends (Columbus Day, sure, you can have that. Christmas...bite me)

3. Agree

4. Mediocre food - disagree or insufficient food - Agree

5. I have no opinion on this

6. Agree

7. Disagree

8. Disagree -- because you were asked WELL before the wedding and could turn it down.

9. Agree

Misty

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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 5, 2010 9:00 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Regarding the "too much time in between" thing - Im russian and majority of the people that I know very well and attend weddings of are russian as well (coincidence - nothing against americans, Im a citizen too!lol) and just about every single wedding we do (one or two per weekend during wedding season!!) the B&G + WP all get up super early in the morning, get ready, and go take all their pics before the ceremony even starts. Ceremony is typically at 12 or 1 in the afternoon and reception always follows immediately after. Everybody goes straight there. No pics in between!

I actually considered doing it "the american way" but decided it wasnt worth the amount of complaints Id probably have to deal with for that one!! We plan to take even more pics (with just me and hubby) afterwards since reception isnt going to go till midnight.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

We PLANNED to have all of our photos taken before the ceremony (ceremony at 6, photography at 4:45 for first look and then 5 for the wedding party). that did not work, and I'm still a little annoyed about it, because the MOG didn't apparently Get It...nor did the Best Man (who was fetching the MOG). So they showed up at 5:45. We did what we could without them ahead of time, but at 5:30 guests started arriving, so I had to scoot downstairs. And we had to do to the pictures after the ceremony. We had planned for just hubs and I to have about 15 minutes of photography between the ceremony / reception (at the same location)....but we had to do the bulk of the posed shots then.

So, if you have anyone in your wedding party who has time management issues. LIE TO THEM. I'm serious. LIE TO THEM LIE LIE LIE. Tell them the photos are at 3:30 and maybe they will show up on time!

As a bride, I hate it when people do not adhere to my schedule ON MY DAY! <G>

Misty

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 12:07 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

1. Your timing stinks-Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA

Agree - This is my #1 wedding pet peeve. I understand that the couple needs to take photos - but either do so beforehand or do so during the cocktail hour. That's why we have cocktail hours - so that the guests are occupied before the bride and groom arrive. I absolutely hate it when the ceremony is at, say 1:00 and the reception doesn't start until 6. What am I supposed to do in the meantime in my nice clothes? I usually end up at the hotel bar - and either drunk or sleepy before the reception starts.

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good

In general, I don't care whether a wedding is on a holiday weekend, as it normally gives me an extra travel day, which is good. I'm less likely to be able to attend a holiday weekend wedding than I am a wedding on a normal weekend, however, as I have annual plans on many holiday weekends.

Random weeknights = bad.

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances"

Yes, I agree with this. I understand why they mean something to the couple, but as a guest, I get super-bored. I'll sit attentively through two speeches and two special dances, but after that, DH and I start playing hangman on a cocktail napkin.

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food

Insufficient food = bad.

Mediocre food doesn't bother me too much. Every single wedding can't possibly have the best food I've ever tasted. As long as it's edible and there's enough of it, I'm happy.

I will, however, remember bad food at a wedding and probably complain about it among my close friends and family.

5. You're makings us pay?-the hated "cash bar"

Totally tacky. I've only been to one wedding with a cash bar, though my parents see it more often, as they seem to be somewhat acceptable in New England, and my folks go to more weddings there than I do. Anyway, not only is it tacky, but it's super-annoying, as I never carry cash and there's generally not an ATM at the venue.

I don't care about a full bar and I don't care how long the bar is open. As long as some sort of beverage is offered to the guests (paid for by the host), I'm happy. I've never been to a wedding that didn't serve alcohol, so I don't know how I'd feel about that. It would be strange to me, as I go to a wedding expecting to at least have a glass of wine or champagne.

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings
using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings
in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with
no place to sit.

This stuff is annoying, but it's not at the top of my list of wedding pet peeves. I can deal with it all, though outdoor weddings on an incredibly hot and humid day tend to bother me, as I get really uncomfortable in the heat and my hair goes crazy in humidity.

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible

This is a non-issue, as I've never been invited to a wedding without DH, whether we were married, engaged, or dating. If I were single (as in not dating anyone), I'd be a little uncomfortable attending a wedding alone, but I'd be Ok with it if I knew other people there. If I didn't know other people, I'd decline (and I am an outgoing person, so I'm sure many people would think, 'Art will find plenty of people to talk to'. That's true - I would, but I don't want to. I spend a lot of my time mingling with strangers, so if I was attending a wedding, I'd rather not). If I was in a relationship (dating) and the host used the No Ring, No Bring and invited me alone, I'd decline and probably let the friendship die.

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl

I agree with the sentiment - I'd rather not have a 'special job' like these at a wedding. However, the couple generally asks people to do these 'special jobs' in advance - and you can say no. If I was asked to do one of these jobs, I'd thank the bride for thinking of me, but tell her that I'd prefer to just attend as a normal guest.

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with
hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and
speak with and thank their guests for coming.

Ok, we didn't do the traditional 'bride and groom travel to every table' thing, but one or both of us spoke to every guest at our reception at least once. We mingled in our own style.

Honestly, I don't particularly care if I don't get to speak to the couple. I know how busy they are, and I generally assume that they have more important people to speak with than me. I just like to see them have a good time. If they do so without chatting with me, that's Ok with me.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 12:21 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Regarding the gap in between the ceremony and reception - I definitely think it depends on how long the gap is. Let's face it, not every couple wants the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding, so taking all of the pictures in advance might not work for everyone. What IS a great idea, though, is to take SOME ahead of time - in my case, for example, we did the bridesmaids, me with my family, the groomsmen, etc. Any ones that my new husband and I didn't need to be in together.

My timeline was like this: wedding at 4:00, ending around 4:35. 15 minute drive to the reception, cocktail hour starting at 5:00 (although people who arrived early would be let inside right away, it's just that the food might not be out yet). Dinner was at 6:30. This was PLENTY of time to get photos done, and we wasted 30 minutes doing nothing due to a misunderstanding.

One of my friends is planning a wedding for around 2:00. Her reception hall actually recommended that she not serve dinner until 7:00! And her photographer told her that she would need at LEAST 2 hours for photos, even though she's doing a bunch of them before the ceremony.

The cocktail hour would not start until 6. So people would have from 2:30-6:00 (if she went by their recomendations) to find their own thing to do. And most people are out of towners.

To me, THAT is ridiculous
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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briony Posts : 75 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 1:09 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

10. Raunchy garter spectacles. I hate, hate, hate when the groom dives head first under the bride's dress and rummages around for an eternity while she squeals maniacally in front of Grandma and Aunt Matilda. It's not cute; it's just awkward and uncomfortable.


11. Bouquet tosses, especially when there are very few single women or when a single woman doesn't want to participate and gets badgered to go out there.


12. No seating chart at a sit-down reception. I've been to weddings where families couldn't find enough seats together or couples who didn't know anybody sat by themselves while the newlyweds' college friends pulled chairs away from empty tables so they could all cram together.


13. Bad cake. I don't care what it looks like, but if it's not yummy, it's a huge disappointment.


14. Music so loud you have to shout to have a conversation with the person seated next to you.


15. Dollar dance. Tacky squared.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 2:10 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

Ladies,

"7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible"

This is the only one with which I have an issue. I do not think the wedding hosts need to entertain the guests' guests. If a person is married or engaged, then yes, their other half should be invited. (I also include committed same-sex partners where legal marriage is not an option.)

A grown up adult should be able to attend a social function and make pleasant small talk with other attendees. If your SigOther is someone I know, then I might invite that person to my wedding. If you just want to bring some random unknown-to-me date, then sorry, no, I'd rather my limited budget go to people I actually know.

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 5:44 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

1. Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA.
I wouldn't mind if there's a cocktail hour going on during the gap.

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good.
Meh--it depends. If it's a good friend or close family member, I don't mind at all. In fact, I'd rather have a 3-day than a 2-day weekend to hang out with them. It's fun. Weeknight: That's only happened to me once, and it was a really good friend, so my happiness at being invited outweighed the annoyance.

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances".
Long speeches, or too many of them, are boring ANYtime. Put a limit on the number of people you want to give toasts.

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food
Mediocre food--hey, if it's what you can afford, I'll deal with it. Insufficient food--never experienced it, but that would suck. And to jump on Amy's veggie bandwagon--just b/c I'm a veggie doesn't mean I want salad and side veggies for dinner. Yeah, gimme a pasta bar or something! And BTW a lot of us eat cheese!

5. You're makings us pay?-the hated "cash bar"
Never been to a wedding w/ a cash bar. Not sure I care even though we didn't host a wedding with a cash bar (and wouldn't have thought to).

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with no place to sit.
Always annoying being uncomfortable. Ditto for weddings with not enough places to sit.

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible
As a single guest, I hated going to weddings as a singleton, but I understand budget constraints. Can't fault hosts for not allowing me a +1.

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl
Never had this happen. Yeah, would be annoying.

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and speak with and thank their guests for coming.
Yes, would also be annoying. But again, never experienced it. I guess I know a lot of nice people :). Agree with Myra, though--not receiving a thank-you note would be even more annoying. Some weddings are big enough that it's hard to get around to everybody (I know we didn't hit everyone at our wedding, even though we tried). But no excuse for not sending a thank you note.

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 9:12 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

i recently went to a wedding of one of DH's relatives and it was the weekend before Christmas.

He wasn't able to attend because with his job, that happens to be the busiest Saturday of the year for them (in which the groom knew full well as he used to work that job for quite some time too), and I can imagine others couldn't come as well because if you work retail, right before Christmas is the busiest time of the year.

Another thing was, on top of normal Christmas shopping, you're asking people to buy you a wedding gift. Fortunately we were able to get them something on the less expensive end of their registry, but still... after having to buy gifts for all our relatives (and the groom was a 2nd cousin, so it's not like we normally buy them a Christmas gift each year), financially things were a bit tight since not everyone's job is great right now.

#9 kind of irks me too, especially if there's people you've never met. At this particular wedding, while I met the bride on facebook, I have never actually met her in person. And of course at their wedding they were busy and swamped, but they did start making the rounds to each table at the reception so I figured I'd finally get to meet her in person then (they didn't do a receiving line!), but then after they got halfway through the tables in the back of the room, they stopped and announced it was time for them to make their getaway. Um... what? You just skipped half the room!

While we didn't go around to each table at the reception (the way we crammed everyone into the one room, there just wasn't space for that without blocking the aisle people were using to get up and get food), we did have a receiving line so we were able to say hi and thank everyone then, and then we did make an effort to interact with the guests throughout the night, via dancing, or visiting with people during the dancing who weren't on the dancefloor...

I tend to write long posts - short and simple doesn't exist with me!
That's how I am, take it or leave it.

Find Your Own Bridal Look with my Virtual Makeover Tool!

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 9:16 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I have to chime in on the vegetarian thing...
I am having my wedding in August in Rhode Island. We are having about 10 passed appetizers during cocktail hour (some which will be vegetarian) and a cheese selection. For dinner we are having a traditional New England lobster bake/surf and turf (we're adding a filet mignon station) that will be served as tendered stations. I have 1, POSSIBLY 2 vegetarians that are attending. I am attempting to substitute some of the seafood that is traditionally offered for something vegetarian friendly (e.g. pasta instead of steamers and mussels?). Unfortunately because this is mostly a non-plated dinner (soup and salad will be) I don't have the luxury of having 2 vegetarian dished prepared for them. I've honesly been plagued by this whole thing and after speaking with a few people about it I think I need to relax. I haven't met for a final food run-through, and I'm hoping that there will be some sort of compromise, but if not I can't change my entire meal plan for 2 people! I'm not really sure what else I can do about this....our food is one of our biggest splurges and we're offering PLENTY, so they are just going to have to make do with what we have. As a side-note, these 2 individuals are +1's (not engaged, early stages of relationships).

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 9:39 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Any caterer worth paying for would prepare two vegetarian plates. I've worked TONS of weddings and even if the regular meal isn't plated, the cater will prepare a vegetarian plate if they know ahead of time.

And it doesn't matter if they are a plus one - they are invited.

I pretty much agree with the OP with some exceptions:1) the necessity of adding a +1 for everyone. It's nice if you can but by no means a necessity. 2) I get that there may be a break between the ceremony and reception but 3 HOURS is too much. And yes you can do pics - we did - and we got them done and were inthe hotel before the end of the cocktail hour - we only had 45 minutes in between the wedding and cocktail hour starting - most of that was taken up in travel. This is why you have a cocktail hour (if you are/can.) 3) If someone is asked to help out they can always say no - getting a snotty attitude about it the day of is unacceptable.


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headoverheels8 Posts : 80 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 6, 2010 10:25 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

1. Your timing stinks-Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception are a PITA
Can be annoying if its a long time. Personally I don't want my FH to see before the ceremony most of the pictures will have to be taken after but we will do as many as possible before. Our reception is in the same location so the guests will have drinks and food while they wait.

2. You picked a bad day-weddings held on holiday weekends or on a random weeknight are not good

holiday weekends=just depends on the holiday, random weeknight= if in my town is fine but otherwise no.

3. You're boring us-long speeches or toasts, too many "special dances"

eh.

4. Mediocre food or insufficient food

I don't go to weddings to eat. I go to support the couple. So as long as there is something for me to munch on its great.

5. You're makings us pay?-the hated "cash bar"

I honestly have no problem with a cash bar. Alcohol cost SO much and some people really like to drink so if they want it, they can pay for it. Also cuts back on the stupid drunken people ruining the night. My reception will have Sangria and thats all. Thats what I can afford, if you want more go to bar later.

6. You sat us here!-insufficient rooms between tables-outdoor weddings using port a potties and spending time swatting bugs, indoor weddings in summer in locations with no air conditioning and cocktail hours with no place to sit.

of course this annoys everyone

7. You don't invite a "Plus 1" -Allow us to bring a guest if at all possible

disagree. big time. My guest list would be around 400 if I did this. With a budget of $5000 thats not possible.

8. You put us to work-We don't want to man the guest book or babysit the flower girl

Doesn't bother me. As long as I don't have to do it the entire time I'm honored to help out. Means the couple really trusts me.

9. You don't say thank you-Couples who spend all their time with hanging out with their wedding party and do not bother to go around and speak with and thank their guests for coming.

This would bother me somewhat but not so much.

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