Honorary Bridesmaids

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April2010Bride Posts : 134 Registered: 4/26/09
Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 9:32 PM

Last week, a friend asked me to be an "Honorary Bridesmaid" in her wedding. Initially, I assumed it would be the traditional role, where no special attire, or duty, was necessary; however, I was wrong. I have to purchase a $150 dress and $60 shoes, and walk down the aisle, and stand at the altar. It seems odd to me, because this is exactly what my regular bridesmaids are doing. What's the point of making someone "honorary" if they hold the same responsibilities as the others?

Are any of y'all having honorary attendants? Are they being required to purchase a special dress and stand up for the couple at the altar?



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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 10:44 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

Dear April,

"What's the point of making someone "honorary" if they hold the same responsibilities as the others? "

I have no clue. I've never heard of such a thing.

I suggest you ask your friend. "So, Friend, what is the difference between an honorary bridesmaid and a regular bridesmaid?"

If she gives you an answer that makes sense, then go for it. If she gives you a weasely answer, then politely decline.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 2, 2010 8:41 AM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

I've never heard of that, either. It sounds like a regular bridesmaid to me. I'd ask her for clarification.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 2, 2010 8:53 AM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

I'm with the PP's. I've never heard of that.

 

 

 

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 2, 2010 7:22 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

I would consider it an "honor" and therefore insist everyone address me as "your honor"... :)

Just kidding sweetie. I haven't heard of it before either.

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nikkijones Posts : 2 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 2:22 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

I was originally thinking of making one of our family friends an "honorary bridesmaid." I did a lot of research on it, and it is usually reserved for adolescents or younger girls who wouldn't necessarily be in the adult bridal party, but are close enough to the bride or groom to be "in" the full bridal party. I decided since she will be 15 (almost 16), I will just include her with my other bridesmaids. I would have had her get a dress in the same color family as my maids, but not necessarily THE exact bridesmaid dresses that my maids are wearing. (Thankfully, all the maids dresses ended up being on sale at Dillard's for $35 (originally $130)!!! So we bought them all as gifts!)

I would definitely ask for clarification about your title and role. They usually walk down the isle, just as the bridesmaids, flower girls, and ring bearers do, from what I've gathered. Now-a-days, anything goes. What you have described above, what you remember as the "traditional sense", sounds like what today is called a personal attendant. They are not in the bridal party, but assist the bride throughout the day with her belongings and retouches of hair, make-up, dress fluffing, etc.

But if you are doing all bridesmaid tasks, you deserve the title of bridesmaid! Definitely talk to her about this.

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: nikkijones

What the PP defined as "honorary bridesmaid" is what I've always known as "junior bridesmaid"--someone who's close to you but is a little too young to be an actual bridesmaid. When I first read the beginning of your post, I, too, thought what the bride might be asking you was to be a personal attendant....but since she wants you to walk down the aisle and wear the dress, that sounds just like a regular BM to me, too.

So I agree with all the PPs. Get some clarification about what she's asking of you.

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CheshireKitten Posts : 1 Registered: 1/13/10
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 2:48 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

Maybe they meant "Maid of Honor" but forgot what it was called. In any case I would ask for clarification as to what your friend meant by "Honorary Bridesmaid." It's the only way to know for sure.

PS-This is what part of the alphabet would look like if 'Q' and 'R' were eliminated. 

 

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saraterra Posts : 1 Registered: 11/9/09
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 4:09 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

I am having an "honorary" member in my wedding party, but it's a different situation from yours. My sister will be my Honorary Matron of Honor. She is also a photographer, and I gave her the option of standing in my wedding or being my photographer. She chose photographer because she hates standing in front of people, especially in a dress, and I couldn't think of anyone better to be my photographer. However, she is going to be my honorary matron of honor in that she will help with preparations and everything, be listed in the program, and I will not have another maid of honor to take her place, but only bridesmaid. I want to honor her as my matron of honor and my photographer, so that's how I see the term "honorary."

I don't get your situation though! I guess I only understand it how I've chosen to do it, so I would definitly ask the bride because it does not seem like there is anything different from a regular bridesmaid.

HTH!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 4:25 PM Go to message in response to: nikkijones

Dear Nikki,

"." I did a lot of research on it, and it is usually reserved for adolescents or younger girls who wouldn't necessarily be in the adult bridal party, but are close enough to the bride or groom to be "in" the full bridal party."

That would be a junior bridesmaid. Junior bridesmaids have none of the duties of a regular bridesmaid (no shower, bachelorette party, etc). Their only job is to wear the dress and look cute. Their dress is, typically, more modest than a bridesmaid dress. Nothing strapless nor spaghetti straps. Junior bridesmaids have 1-2" straps or just a round neckline.

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ChardaeJ Posts : 8 Registered: 8/11/09
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 6:23 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

One of my friends have like 5 honorary bridesmaids in her wedding. However, they can wear what they want and not standing at the alter. They are walking down the aisle pretty much as "special friends" and being seated behind the parents.

I have one honorary bridesmaid in my wedding. She was an a "bridesmaid" until she was killed by a drunk driver. She will have a in memory of me on the program and a table at the reception with a in memory book for guest to sign for her mother.

Honorary bridesmaid are considered your special friends that didnt make it into the wedding party. You can give them roles or not at all, but I dont think they should have the same roles as bridesmaids.

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April2010Bride Posts : 134 Registered: 4/26/09
Re: Honorary Bridesmaids
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 6:46 PM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

I think the issue that brought upon this whole "honorary" thing is that she has too many people in the wedding party and didn't want to refer to them all as "bridesmaids". There are about 16 girls in the party, excluding her flower girls. Like other posters, I've heard of "honorary 'maids", but I've never known them to be required to purchase a special dress and stand with the entirety of the party.

I still haven't given her an answer, but I did ask her what the responsiblities were. She said I wouldn't have to do anything special, like be involved in the shower planning, or bachelorette party - just come to the rehearsal, wedding and reception. Basically, I'd be another body to create a HUGE wedding party for her, which I cannot, for the life of me, imagine why anyone would want so many people to buy gifts for!


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