For Friendly Young Brides (( or Brides to be))

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AmandaBailey Posts : 9 Registered: 1/22/10
For Friendly Young Brides (( or Brides to be))
Posted: Jan 29, 2010 5:00 AM

Hello Ladies!
Im a freshly engaged, and soon to be bride to be. I got engaged to my fiance here in Germany. We are both member of the US Army and stationed in Bamberg Germany. Its very cold here by the way! We are both young, 21, and he has a son who will be 3 in March, so im bringing in not just a husband but a family, and i am very excited, a little scared yes, but very very excited!!
Now, here is where young brides, no, young couple hit their first difficulty in their young engagement and marriage.... The parents. Thank goodness that at least one side is very excited and very welcoming to this. But... of course theres always that one parent, or one set of parents that make is a little difficult. Thats where my mother comes in.... both my parents are very iffy on the situation... but my mother... oh my mother. She is being very unfare, very demeaning, and very rude. Im not quite sure how to deal with the situation. The only way to make my mother happy is to NOT get married.... But its going to be like this no matter whom im with, how old I am, or how its done. So what now?
This is the story, we are both in the Army, and the Army makes it a little difficult to have a normal realtionship, with normal times to do things. So we are doing the paperwork out here in Germany so that we dont get seperated for a year or worst 2. Then we are doing a big, family ceremony when we are back to the states. My father said that once its gets closer and my mom sees its serious and we love eachohter she will come around.... well isnt it serious already? We are already getting legal documents done before the fact.... so do i wait it out? My mom is on non-talking terms with me at the moment... Do i keep e-mailing her detauls like i do to everyone else invloved in the planning. DO i keep her up to date, send her love, whether she answers or not?
How would you ladies deal with it?

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things.
Love never fails.

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SanaChan Posts : 47 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: For Friendly Young Brides (( or Brides to be))
Posted: Jan 29, 2010 10:19 AM Go to message in response to: AmandaBailey

A similar situation happened with my and my fiance a couple years back. We ended up calling off the engagement, because we didn't want to deal with all that family bullshit and stress. We just got engaged again recently, and his family is super pumped about it now!

It could be your age, or what you're doing, who knows? But with your current situation, I know that sooner is better then later. If you both are happy, and most of the rest of the family is happy, then your mom should catch the 'happy bug' sooner rather then later.

I do know what you mean though. It's hard to be happy for yourself when your mother is angry, upset and in tears.
"Those who want to relive their youth, are probably too old to remember it."

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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: For Friendly Young Brides (( or Brides to be))
Posted: Jan 29, 2010 10:33 AM Go to message in response to: AmandaBailey

Congratulations AB! Being engaged is sucha happy time =) I just got engaged 6 days ago, so I'm on cloud nine too!

I read your post and I'm sorry that your mom isn't being very supportive during this exciting time. It sounds like you know how to deal with her though, which is good. I say that as long as you & your FH have no doubts about getting married so quickly, go ahead and get married! If you truly love this man & his son, then there is nothing wrong with you two signing the paperwork to prevent you from being separated for another year or two.

I understand your mother's concerns but she probably doesn't see or hear everything that goes on between you & your FH. She may be concerned about your future because of your FH's son or the fact that your both in the military right now. Either way, as long as you are positive that you are making the right decision to get married, go through with it. Goodluck & congratulations!

"Have I Told You Lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no one else above you? Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do." -Rod Stewart

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: For Friendly Young Brides (( or Brides to be))
Posted: Jan 29, 2010 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: AmandaBailey

First off, congrats on your engagement.

Have you tried talking to your Mother about exactly why she's upset? You never mentioned it in your post which leads me to believe you've never had this conversation with her. If, for example, she is upset because she has never met him, you could set up a Skype session so they "meet" or whatever. It could be a deeper issue that cannot be resolved, like the fact that he has a child, but it's still better to get it out in the open as to exactly why she's upset. Then if it's something small you can deal with it the best you can, and if it's something big then at least you'll know where she stands.

I would have a conversation with my Mother in hopes that she comes around, but I would continue on with the engagement/paperwork process. While it is always nice to have your parents blessing, you're 21 years old, a legal adult. At some point in your life you have to start living for yourself and what you want.

Bless your hearts for making a double-military relationship work! My FH leaves for USMC boot next month. If we were both in the military, I'd scream. You have a lot of respect from me because of this.

AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

 

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :) 

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AmandaBailey Posts : 9 Registered: 1/22/10
Re: For Friendly Young Brides (( or Brides to be))
Posted: Jan 29, 2010 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010

first, congrats to JG!! Its an amazing feeling isnt it?! So very much exciting!

AJ I tried asking my mom, and at first her concerns where that i was young, that he had a child. But when i explained to her our feelings and how we were, and expolained that i "understood" her concerns, but that it was the right time, it turned into her yelling at me saying that it was a immature decision and that i shouldnt start the "drama". Im not sure why she is doing this... she married my father at 22-23 with 3 children... I personally think if im old enough to make the decision to put me in front of flying bullets..... well i can put myself in front of flying food from a 3 year old and a husband whom adores me and I him...
But thankyou!! It can be difficult in the military! But stay strong! I actually posted a response to someone about military fiances and spouses if you would like to go read it. Just go to my profile and posts. Im sure it can help and good luck!!!
Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold
it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s
true strength

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