Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 6:09 PM

Hi everybody!

Just from reading threads for the past year or so I have noticed that some women have different work schedules then your DH or FH.

I believe I saw that Mush has a different work schedule and Aunt has gone through that period...I know that there are tons more.

How did you deal with the difference? With the bad timing?

Mush I feel like I saw that you worked from 8-4 and that your husband worked from 2-12am. Pretty contradicting times!

I know that this is going to come up for my FH & I soon--I want to be a chef and that means I work from about 3-1am meanwhile my FH will be working your typical 9-5.
We have considered alternatives--like I could do catering rather than be a restaurant chef--still involves weekend evening work--but would get to see each other more during the week. Ultimately I want to be a restaurant owner and so does he--he does investments and I cook so in the end it will work for both of us if we are successful--but it will take a long time to get there and a lot of contradicting work schedules.

How do you make time for each other? How do you keep the relationship going?

I would love to hear what anybody has to say.

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 6:22 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

-COMMUNICATION-

It takes A LOT of work. I work as a paramedic, and my boyfriend(hopefully soon to be Fiance), is also working in the health care field. It's actually about to get worst as he is going to be applying to work for our local law enforcement.
Dealing with it? well unfortunately there isn't much we can do to help prevent or change our work schedules. We in fact gone for up to 2 days without seeing each other because of how contradicting our schedules were. We have some good friends who are also all in EMS or Law and they also have the same issue.

The time that we do have together, we spend with each other. There are no ifs or buts, it's our general rule and when we are together we make our time count. I will admit, that because we have more time apart than your average couple, we actually love each other that much more, and have a bond that is that much closer. Our priority is us. We take the time to go on more "us" time dates or outings. We spend a lot of time on the cell and email as well to keep in touch with what each other's doing. Having said that, because of our field of work, there are shifts where you just cannot keep in touch or call but that is unfortunately a sad truth that comes with the field of work.

I am currently considering going into a different field myself that will allow me to have a career that works on a regular schedule so that only one of us works shifts.

It's very hard and will definitely put stresses on your relationship and because of it, you have to communicate THAT MUCH more to keep things in tune.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 27, 2010 8:55 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Dear BTS,

It's hard to describe, but you just deal with it like you deal with other things. You might make certain changes, like sleeping in different room so each gets a good solid 8 hours in Slumberville.

You figure out how meals will work. Cook for two and leave a plate with saran wrap in the fridge? Exist on single-serving pot pies and Top Ramen?

Consider this good training for having kids. Between getting up in the middle of the night for babies and nightmare-having toddlers, you will feel like two ships passing in the night, many times. Remember, this is a passing phase.

Sit down with schedules and plan time for the two of you. Then, try not to let anything interfere with that time. If and when you have children, map out couple time and family time. Get away for a few days, if you can.

Finally, schedule periodic time to discuss business. That means reviewing the finances, making sure the bills get paid, figuring out who will get the car serviced. In our house, we take a real divide-and-conquer approach to household jobs, like bill paying. The other had to be informed, somehow, of what kind of money is in what account, what bills are coming up, etc. If you leave these kinds of discussions to chance, and if you aren't physically seeing each other that much, it's easy for something to fall through the cracks. Let's hope that's not your rent check.

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coleapril87 Posts : 24 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 27, 2010 11:20 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Me and fh are in a similar boat. He has school til 5 and i work 2 til 1130. So we make sure that we always go to bed together and we try to eat lunch together when he gets out at noon. We constantly seem to be missing each other, but we have found little ways to make things work. I cook dinner on days off and we eat together and rent movies. We always have one night out a week to get out and go have a date night, we're constanly texting or calling on our breaks. The weekends are when it gets hard because fh doesn't have class but all my days off fall during the week. In response to the bills we always have and always will have seperate accounts but all the bill are hung on the fridge, and we both pay half. It can get lonely sometimes when I have a day off and fh has a long day at school, but it gets lonely for him on the weekends when I work. We constantly make time for each other, and I think we appreciate each other more and enjoy each other more because we constantly have to make time. We just constantly remind each other that its a temporary situation, we both go through it together and we say I love you all the time.

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 27, 2010 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Hi Brighter! So how long till the long distance part of your long distance relationship is no more? Ours finally ended after my graduation in December when I moved back to my hometown. We've been living together about a month now and it's so NICE.

We're still figuring out our groove when it comes to schedules and spending time together, but what we've been doing so far is simple: value the time you have together. Some days we "see" each other from midnight to 8am, so those minutes falling asleep and waking up are special. Other days we cook together, watch a favorite TV show, do things with our families or friends, etc. Classes just started for him again so some of our time might be spent in libraries or computer labs, hehe.

I guess the point is we communicate our schedules to each other for the day or week and plan around that, whether it's for time together or apart, to be productive or for fun.





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FmF Posts : 106 Registered: 8/19/09
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 28, 2010 1:52 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I understand your frustration concerning different work schedules. My FH and I have different work schedules AND different time zones. He words 8 to 5 in texas which is two hours ahead of me in California working 3 to 8. So, when I go to work, he's just getting off, and when I get off he's asleep half the time.

It is extrememly frustrating at times, but you learn to work around it and grow accustomed to it. Fortunatley he has a job where he is able to call while he's at work for a little bit. I usually call him when I get up in the morning and we'll talk for a bit, or if he's not in a position where he can answer the phone I know he'll call the first chance he'll get. He'll call me on his lunch brake and I call him on my brake at work which is about 8:30 his time. Then there's the nights when he waits up and we stay on the phone way later than we should and he's tired the next day.

So, what I'm trying to say is you are not alone, and it can be done.

Future Mrs. Fransen

 "From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being."
--Unknown

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 28, 2010 2:01 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Brighter! When is the long distance ending?? DH and I went through (and to a certain degree still are) the same thing. I found it a little easier, since we were used to long distance to begin with. When I moved in with DH I was working a split shift, so I got up and left for work when he was, but I had 3-4 hours for lunch that I would come home, and be by myself, then go back to work. I usually didn't get home until after 9 sometimes 10, and for DH that was late, because he needs his sleep. What we started doing was DH would come home, take a nap, and then start dinner for me when I would let him know I was on my way home. I would come home and there would be dinner ready, we would eat, and cuddle on the couch for at least 30 mins before going to bed. It wasn't much time together, but we made it work. We also vowed to have 1 date night a week, granted now that is getting harder due to money.... But I got off early on Firdays, so we would go out for dinner, and take our time, talk, and just enjoy eachothers company out of the house. Now, we are kind of in the same boat, except we more or less get home at the same time, most days, but are exhasted, so its dinner, snuggle, bed still, and Tuesdays I work usually until 8 pm where he gets home at 4, I am tired and grumpy, but he will have dinner ready for me when I get home, and we make sure to spend some time cuddling on the couch, and catching up on the days events. we also still text a lot, and when I am working away from home (usually about an hour- hour and a half drive away) I call him on my way home and we talk. It can be done, and as others have stated its a passing phase, sometiems a sucky phase, but it will pass.


 

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Dealing w/ Different Work Schedules
Posted: Jan 31, 2010 1:18 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Hi everybody!

So it sounds like quality time is key.
Lunch is a good iea--as a chef I normally wouldn't start working until around 3...so I could join FH during his lunch break and such.

I hear all the time that if you want to be a chef--a family life commonly doesn't happen. But I am determined to make that happen.

Rose & Nessa--We are going to be living together in the summers. So as of May 1 we will be living together for 4 months...and then it's back to long distance for during the school year. We graduate in 2 1/2 years...it's killing me. And then I have to go to culinary school for 2 years after that--but we will be living together and most likely married while I am in culinary school. He wants us to get married probably the summer between graduating from our undergrads and culinary school. We have to play it by ear a little bit.



Thanks for the advice ladies!

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