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How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?

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StephanieRS Posts : 9 Registered: 1/12/10
How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 25, 2010 8:53 PM

I got engaged this past September and now that I graduated college I am beginning to plan for the wedding. We have decided to want to aim for a date around May of 2011 (so it is still a little while off). I'm the type of person who wants to start planning, seeing what is out there, etc. My parents have already let me know what they are contributing to the wedding (I thank them tremendously!) so that I can start getting a budget together.

The last thing I want to do is look at venues, gowns, and everything else and then realizing that it is out of budget. It would be much easier to have a ballpark of how much money is available for the celebration.

This would all be fine and dandy but I've been having trouble with my fiancé's parents. They think it is too soon to start talking money and putting money down. My fiance has explained to them that we are not thinking about putting money down yet we, I, would just like a budget so I know what I can eliminate from my files. But they cannot give an amount nor a ballpark of about how much. They just say that they would like to contribute. Am I getting annoyed over nothing? I understand they might not know now how much they can afford but it would be nice for them to at least let us know what the limit is.

So, my question is how am I suppose to deal with trying to set a budget if I'm being told that they will contribute but cannot give me a number? Am I over analyzing it?

On a side note, when would be a good time to start putting money down on a venue? How far in advance?

Please don't think that I'm a selfish person after reading this. I am just very detailed and not having this detail is driving me crazy.

Thanks in advance to all who respond!

:)

~ Stephanie

may_2011 , budget , georgia , in-laws , planning
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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 25, 2010 10:26 PM Go to message in response to: StephanieRS

This is my recommendation to you: set your budget based on what you and FH have and what your parents have decided to contribute. Anything extra from FH's parents is a bonus. If they decide to contribute X amount and tell you in September, add to what you already have planned.

It is so very generous of his parents to contribute at all. To give them an ultimatium as far as when you have to know how much by comes off as greedy. The wedding is a year and a few months away. It is hard for most people to know how their financial situations will change over that time. I know that you want to start planning and getting the ball rolling, but it's rude to say to his parents with their wallets open that you need to know how much they are contributing by the (day) of (month), (year). Again, I understand that you want to get started, but you don't want to ruffle any feathers in the process. Good luck.


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upstate_hudson_valley , may_2011 , june_2010 , budget , georgia , in-laws , planning
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StephanieRS Posts : 9 Registered: 1/12/10
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 25, 2010 10:45 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010

That's true. The last thing I want to do is come off as greedy. I am extremely thankful that they are contributing and we get along well. I don't want to do anything to mess that up.

I like your idea about going with the budget that I know of now and then adding the bonus for when they contribute. That will make things a lot easier.

Thanks!

:)

upstate_hudson_valley , may_2011 , june_2010 , budget , georgia , in-laws , planning
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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 8:24 AM Go to message in response to: StephanieRS

AmyJustin gave great advice. I am in agreement that your FIL's payment towards the wedding can simply be used as a bonus to help cover anything that you may have splurged on. This is actually a good thing in my opinion. Knowing in the back of my mind that there is even a hundred dollars coming my way would calm my nerves during the planning process. Focus on the budget that you, your FH & your parents have discussed and go from there!
Regarding when you should start booking venues, florists, cakes, dj's, etc. I would suggest booking your venues before anything else. Have the venue booked no later than 8 months in advance, start you're looking whenever you want. Like you said, it's always good to have an idea of what you want. Have your florist, cake, DJ, photographer, etc booked 6-4 months before the wedding. This will keep you ahead of the game.
Goodluck & enjoy the planning process. It's supposed to be fun!

upstate_hudson_valley , may_2011 , june_2010 , budget , georgia , in-laws , planning
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 8:32 AM Go to message in response to: StephanieRS

Amy gave you great advice.

Just know that money comes with strings, so be prepared. Good luck!

 

 

 

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 10:36 AM Go to message in response to: StephanieRS

If you visit a venue that you really like than I say book it. It's never too early especially if you want to hold on to your wedding date. We booked our venue about 19 months before wedding day.

About the money issues with your future in-laws: dont' count on their budget. If your fh has talked to them already and they keep telling him that they are not certain what amount of money they can fork over then it's time to move on and don't count on their money. I have the same issue with my dad. He told me he will give me money for the wedding but he won't tell me exactly how much! It's annoying! So instead what I did was not put his contribution in the budget. However I think that once he does give me the money it will be a nice surprise and a bit of help in paying things off.

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may_2011 , budget , connecticut , georgia , october_2010 , in-laws , planning
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 12:10 PM Go to message in response to: StephanieRS

The PP's have given good advice. Onemore thing--as a general rule,letFH deal with his own parents, especially about topics like money. You likely will not be seen as greedy if you stay out of the discussion. Think about applying their money to something like your honeymoon, and use the money you can count on to plan your wedding. As far as booking a venueway ahead, do it only if your required deposit (f any) is very small. If you have to put down big bucks, then wait until you are more certain about your plans.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

may_2011 , budget , georgia , in-laws , planning
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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: How to deal with groom's parents who aren't ready?
Posted: Dec 14, 2012 11:46 AM Go to message in response to: StephanieRS

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