How long to wait to have children

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 21, 2010 10:48 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Ladies,

There's no one "right" age to have children. There are pros and cons to both. The only absolute limiting age is the age where your body ceases to be able to conceive and bear a child. That could come from illness, menopause, cancer, surgery, etc.

If you have your children "young", then have a hysterectomy, then you won't be worried about not being able to have children. However, if you decide to have your children "later", and the hysterectomy becomes necessary "sooner", it could be a personal tragedy.

As I said, your body's ability to safely conceive and bear a child is the only age limit, and there's no predicting the future.

****

"which is disconcerting to her since her body keeps getting older and she never FEELS any older. AOTB, do you feel the same way?"


Getting older is so incremental, that I haven't noticed anything unless major changes happen. For example, I have had a weak knee since the mid-1980s. About ten years ago, I fell and really damaged that knee. Recovered. Fell again. Later had excruciating pain and needed surgery. My knee has never come back to full function. It hurts if I walk or stand too much. It does not fully extend, thus my stride is "off". That makes me feel old. I cannot run full throttle, cannot jog for long distances. Tennis is out of the question. Swimming is the one sport that I can do without problems.

The other incremental changes are not noticable from day to day, but one day I just looked in the mirror and said "Where did all that grey come from?". I started getting grey hair at 27. For years, it seems, I had mostly brown hair with some grey. Now, it's not even brown any more! It's a mix of light grey and dark grey.

I was laying on the bed, and lifted my arm to get a book. Hey, where did that saggy wrinkly skin come from? That arm looks like my grandmother! Yep, under certain conditions, my skin looks saggy and wrinkly.

Here's another thing. I used to love turning cartwheels. I did that all the time when I was a kid. One day, I stopped, I don't know why, and now I don't think I could turn a cartwheel to save my life. I certainly cannot do "the splits" like I did back in my cheerleading days. I used to be able to just go down into a split -whonk- without any problem. Now, I can't imagine doing that. I'd get stuck on the floor!

Finally, there's menopause. I seem to have the LONGEST menopause on record. I started skipping periods four years ago, and I'm still getting about four or five a year. This is totally driving me nuts. I so much want to be done with it, and yet I've got the Jumbo box of Tampax still in my bathroom cabinet. One plus, though. No cramps. I used to get horrible cramps with my period and would take lots of ibuprofen. Now I can go through a period without any ibuprofen, or at most 400 mg.

Another plus (I forgot) I seem to have none of the other menopause symptoms. No hot flashes. No mood swings. I'm grateful for that. I know a few other women who have had similar experiences, but many who have suffered terribly from hot flashes and other menopausal symptoms. My MIL, at 83, still gets hot flashes.

This is getting way too long. I guess I could write a book about making it to one's mid-50s. One thing I've learned is to enjoy the age you are. Enjoy your twenties. Enjoy the wedding and newlywed process. Enjoy your babies, then enjoy school-aged children. Enjoy your thirties. So many people go through life W-A-I-T-I-N-G for their future that they forget to have a great time in their present.

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coleapril87 Posts : 24 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 21, 2010 3:01 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Wow, my post has a life of its own, I love that. There is nothing wrong with having children after 30, me and fh were both born to younger parents, but really the women in my family tend to have hard times concieving after 35 so I want to do it before 30 but I'm not in a real hurry, I just like talking and getting a general idea of when others have their babies. Right now I have two fuzzy babies who are all the baby I can handle, well fh is a baby too sometimes. lol

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 21, 2010 3:54 PM Go to message in response to: coleapril87

"well fh is a baby too sometimes"

Just sometimes??? You go girl! LOL

Very interesting thread, nice to hear how everyone feels about having babies!

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 21, 2010 6:52 PM Go to message in response to: coleapril87

Ladies,

There's another factor.

How many children do you want to have and how far apart do you want them spaced?

Do you want your children to be close in age, going through the same stages of life (more or less) together?

Or do you think it best if each child has their own space, their own concentrated attention during babyhood?

If you want a large family, you might need to start young.

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Nicnak Posts : 27 Registered: 12/26/09
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 21, 2010 9:14 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I do want a couple more kids. I always wanted a big family. I also would like them to be close in age because me and my brother were close in age and we loved it. We got to go on great trips together and enjoyed the same things at the same time. My FH and his brother(Justin) were 6 years apart and hated it. They loved it when they got older because they were so similar but growing up his brother was soooo much bigger then him and it was hard for them to play. Justin loved being close to his little brother but really did wish they were closer in age. (May he R.I.P.)

 Our beautiful daughter, Jaylynn!

 

wedding planning guide

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 8:30 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Ideally, I want 3-4 kids. FH only wants 2-3 so most likely 3 is what we're going to have, but you never know what can happen. I am the product of a fairly big family--I have two sisters, one blood brother, and one "brother" living in Germany who lived with us for a year when I was 15. I loved always having someone to play with, talk to, hang out with, etc.

I want my children to be close in age, definitely. My sister is 2 years younger than me, and we were always playing together as children, talking about our lives as middle and high schoolers, you get the idea. We were built in best friends, and we still are really close. I also have a sister who is 9 years younger than me. We are also close, but more in a big sister vs little sister context than a best friends context if you know what I mean.

FH is 6 years older than his brother. They are anything but close. When they see each other they are usually friendly, but they don't have the sibling bond that me and my sisters and brothers have.

I feel like the in-between close and far apart in age is the hardest. When siblings are 4-7 years apart it seems like it isn't "cool" to hang out with a nuisance of a younger sister/brother. When the sibling is much younger, 8+ years younger, I feel like it is more accepted because it is fun to teach someone much younger how to be "cool" and act like you.

Just my personal experiences :)

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 25, 2010 11:25 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

In a perfect world, I'd have 4-6 children. I have always wanted a large family. However, due to certain circumstances, I will probably end up with 2 kids. Mostly, there is a long history of problems with the reproductive systems, especially on my mom's side. Time is running out for me to have kids. Plus neither of us make enough money to support more than a couple kids.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 25, 2010 1:56 PM Go to message in response to: agd1017

OK, well both DH and I had kids when we were young. Very young. Mine are grown now, and I have two grandbabies. THere are differences. I can tell you that I have less stamina or am less able to bounce back, like, a baby up 2 times to feed at night will keep me exhausted for a couple of days after. In my 20s? I was tired but not like this and I did it night after night after night. Grandma and Grandpa do it rarely now, and they sleep pretty much all night so it's unlikely we will again.

But, we have more patience. Maybe that is because they are grandkids, but it is partly age as well. Life experience. Things you just haven't lived yet in your 20s.

Also, there is more financial security, but struggling was not necessarily a bad thing either. It got us to where we are now, and showed our kids that you DO have to work, and should. I don't know, there are pluses and minuses to both. But, there is no magic right time. It just depends on what you pick as t he time.

I do know this, at my age 41 now, I am done having babies but adore having grandbabies. We talked about having a baby, but decided no, we'd just enjoy grandbabies. For us (38 and 40 at the time) that was the right decision. And, we will have all the kids out by the time we are 50. Again, for us, that works out perfectly. We do plan to take the grandbabies on some trips if the parents let us, and that will be awesome, but we also will have the freedom to travel when we want alone because since we had our kids young, they are grown and out and we are young enough to do things still, although, my mom at 63 and stepmom at 65 are VERY active and travel all the time!

I don't know if I have a point to this, other than that there is no one perfect time, but if you work through all the questions and considerations specific to you, then the time you pick will be right for you.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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coleapril87 Posts : 24 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: How long to wait to have children
Posted: Jan 26, 2010 1:40 AM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

I admire you ladies that want 4 to 6 kids, but after one I'm done. Well maybe 2 but thats it. I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers, step, half and adopted. I watched as my entire family struggled to work around everyone's schedule and all the fighting over what was who's and I don't want that. I'd rather have one or two that I can give everything to than alot that I can only give a little too. I'm not complaining about how I grew up but I don't want that for my kids. Its funny because I never even wanted kids til me and fh started to talk about getting married, and now I'm kind of ready to start a family, funny how it goes.

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