Choosing BM's

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italia2007 Posts : 38 Registered: 4/18/07
Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 18, 2007 1:34 PM

Ok- my question.  Is it rude to not invite a cousin of mine to be  a brides maid.  I want to keep my bridal party small, but I feel obligated since she had me in her wedding.  To make matters worse- I plan on asking her sister, who is my age and we have been much closer over the years....Can I ask her sister to be in the wedding (she is single) and ask my cousin to do a reading instead. 
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Guest
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 18, 2007 7:34 PM Go to message in response to: italia2007

Has she shown any interest in being a BM? I don't think you have to invite her to be a bridesmaid. A friend of mine told me she wants me to be part of her wedding party but I didn't ask her to be in mine (because we were keeping it very small, brothers and my cousin-who-is-like-a-sister). She wasn't offended. If your other cousin is closer to you, I think it should be fine. As long as you give her another part in the ceremony (and ask her to do it the same time you ask your other cousin to me a maid), I don't think it should be a problem. Are you worried about etiquette or about there possibly being a big fallout over it?

                                       

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IndigoIris Posts : 47 Registered: 12/13/06
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 18, 2007 11:35 PM Go to message in response to: italia2007

One should never give out parts of a wedding because they received the honor of being such. My BMs didn't even invite me to their weddings, but I understand why in both cases. Furthermore, my favorite cousin is going to be invited to my wedding, his sister, not so much.

I think you should follow your instincts on this one. Will she really be hurt? But perhaps you can give her another duty that isn't as great.

First, set a number that is the MAX you want to have in BMs, find out who you want to be them, and then if she isn't one of them, so be it. If she really expresses interest in being in your wedding, she'll either try to help or she'll be looking for attention. 

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Guest
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 19, 2007 9:45 AM Go to message in response to: IndigoIris

The whole bridesmaids thing isn't based on reciprocal obligation, and most adults understand that. Some women don't particularly like to be bridesmaids anyway. Ask the people you really want to ask.

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italia2007 Posts : 38 Registered: 4/18/07
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 19, 2007 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thanks- I am feeling better now.  I didn't know if it was customary to "return the honor"   I don't think she'll mind- but her mom, my aunt, now thats another story.  I think I will ask her to do a reading in church.  Anyway- I have always HATED being a brides maid- probably because I was always older than the bride-


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Guest
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 25, 2007 6:32 AM Go to message in response to: italia2007

If it makes you feel better, I'm inviting all of my dad's family, including his great nephews (one will be the ring barrer, the other is a newborn and will only be a few months old at the wedding :-P)...my dad's whole family who lives in MN and CO...all but my dad's sister, who lives about an hour away.  You want people you love and care about to participate in your wedding, not those you feel you're obligated to please.  Readers are very important at weddings and I think it's even more trusting to ask her to get up and address you're entire wedding and not just stand and look pretty.  Besides, nothing says only bridesmaids can do the traditional wedding activities...be sure to invite her to the bridesmaid luncheon.

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PetaSept Posts : 12 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 25, 2007 11:49 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Edited by Peter

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Guest
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 28, 2007 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: PetaSept

Peter,

you are going to be a wonderful bridesmate:) you love and support your friend, and that's what matters. welcome to the boards, and feel free to post anytime:0

Emily and Jon Smalley

just married 2-24-2007

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PetaSept Posts : 12 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Apr 28, 2007 7:33 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Edited by Peter

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Jan 16, 2010 1:40 PM Go to message in response to: PetaSept

Ok this is from 2007!!! and this douche Peter had to come back and delete all his replies? Why? what is the point of that? Youre calling MORE attention to it by doing that since it brings it back to top of page. If you just leave it alone, noone will see it. EVER. Its buried in archives. Ugggh....

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loveisjoy Posts : 85 Registered: 2/6/09
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Jan 16, 2010 9:49 PM Go to message in response to: italia2007

You don't have to put someone in your wedding party, because you were a part of their wedding party. That was your cousins choice. I've been in weddings in the past, and none of them are in my wedding. I chose the people that are significant to me to be in my wedding. And some who are I wasn't able to put them in because I too want a small bridal party. So i designated other things for them to do to make them a part of my special day. And you don't owe anyone a explanation, it's you special day.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Choosing BM's
Posted: Jan 17, 2010 9:21 AM Go to message in response to: loveisjoy

Dear LIJ,

This thread is from 2007.

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