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What's up with not RSVP'ing?

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MelMix Posts : 46 Registered: 7/16/09
What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 11:28 AM

This may turn into a rant...so I apologize in advance!

My FH and I are having a small wedding (around 40-45) with close friends and family. We had to exclude some family, unfortunately, because we cannot afford to accomodate the large numbers. So, we sent out invites with a RSVP date of Jan 15 for a Feb 20th wedding. I chose Jan 15 to give a little buffer time before we meet with the caterer. The invites were sent out before Thanksgiving. To date, only a handful of RSVPs have come back. A couple of people have verbally RSVP'd, but I'm surprised how many have not mentioned it, considering that these are not just acquaintances.

Now I feel that we should have invited more of my FH's family because they would have probably RSVP'd early on. Maybe I should have chosen an earlier RSVP date..but too late now.

Maybe I'm over-reacting, but isn't it rude to wait until the last second to RSVP for a wedding? Especially if someone is local? I understand that people get busy with the holidays, but I find it strange that so few have responded. This just makes me nervous. The last thing I want to do is call a bunch of people to see if they are coming. *Watch..soon as I post this -a bunch of cards will show up...(here's hoping)

Every time I've received an invite, I respond within a week. Who else has run into lazy guest responses?

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"life is not a dress rehearsal, so live like it's showtime!"

michigan , february_2010
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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 11:35 AM Go to message in response to: MelMix

This is a common problem. However it's the holidays!!!! The week up to Christmas Eve, I was inundated with Christmas cards everyday. Not to mention everything else going on. I dont think remembering to drop off an RSVP would be on my top list of things to do during the holidays. Plus you have over 2 weeks left until the RSVP date.

I dont mean to be mean but unforuntely no one else is going to be as excited about your wedding as you...which means people get lazy when returning RSVPs. Even after I went through my own RSVP debacles for my wedding, I still drop RSVPs in the mail for others on the day of the RSVP date and so on...

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

michigan , october_2008 , february_2010 , central_new_jersey
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 12:08 PM Go to message in response to: MelMix

Dear Mel,

"Maybe I'm over-reacting, but isn't it rude to wait until the last second to RSVP for a wedding"

Don't freak out until you reach your deadline date. Many people have to get work schedules, vacation schedules, etc, before they can commit to a wedding RSVP. People's bosses might not be around to sign off on a vacation request.

Sure, it would be nice if more could be prompt. Just sit tight for a few more weeks, then, once past the deadline, get on the phone and nail them down.

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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 3:56 PM Go to message in response to: MelMix

As the PPs have mentioned, don't lose your cool just yet.
Yes, I do think that it is rude not to RSVP on or before the RSVP date, however it is the holidays People are extremely overwhelmed with shopping, holiday parties, wrapping, etc. You have over two weeks until your deadline & meeting with the caterer. If you don't hear back from a select few guests, give them a call a few days after January 15th. Ask them directly whether they are planning on attending your wedding, this will get you the final responses you need.
Regarding your feelings of regret for not inviting other family members, there's no going back now. I'm sure everyone already knows who has received an invite & who has not. You can't worry about that though. It's your wedding; you & your FH put together a guest list that you felt was appropriate =)

michigan , february_2010
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 5:36 PM Go to message in response to: MelMix

Maybe I'm over-reacting, but isn't it rude to wait until the last second to RSVP for a wedding?

No. Your guests still have over two weeks to respond. Personally, I usually always wait until the final week to send in my RSVPs. That gives me time to figure out my schedule. If you can commit to stuff months in advance, that's great for you - but I never know that far in advance whether I'm going to be traveling for work. I also don't regularly know about other events that far in advance, and I'd hate to commit to attend a friend's wedding and later find out about a family function I'd like to attend being planned on the same weekend in a different state. I also like to know about ALL the events I might be invited to in a given month before making a decision on any of them, as they affect my budget and I can't always attend all of them. It typically costs us hundreds of dollars to attend a wedding, so if we get invited to several in a short period of time, we need to prioritize, plan, and/or budget accordingly rather than simply checking the 'yes' box as soon as we recieve every invitation. So I generally like to give myself as much time as possible before committing to attend something, so that I don't have to back out later due to last-minute travel requirements for work, a conflict I didn't know about when I responded, or poor financial planning. Go ahead and think that I'm rude if you want - but I think it would be far more rude to respond 4 weeks before the RSVP date and later have to call the bride and cancel.

Personally, I think it's a little rude of you to expect your guests to be able to read your mind and know that 'Please respond by Jan 15' really means 'Really respond by Dec 29.' You sent your invitations around the holidays, and people have been busy with shopping, travel, and family. Give them a break. I'm sure you'll see more responses after New Years when people get back into the swing of things - but don't be surprised if you don't receive most of your responses until the Jan 14-17 (give people a few days before you start bothering them about it, as some people will mail it on the 15th. One of my biggest wedding pet peeves is getting a call from a bride on the RSVP date asking whether I can attend. I mailed it three days ago. Hold your horses - if it's not there today, you'll see it soon!)

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

february_2010 , michigan
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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 6:04 PM Go to message in response to: MelMix

Oh, don't get me started on this one! I will rant... and I never rant! Yes, it is very rude! But that is our society today, isn't it? No one bothers to write thank you notes anymore either. I just don't get it!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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michigan , north_carolina , february_2010
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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 6:06 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Well.. let me back up and say, it is rude if they wait until after the deadline to rsvp. You really can't expect them to rsvp sooner. I do usually, but I am sort of OCD about things like that. Not everyone is like me.

So the others are right.... hopefully you will get your answers soon!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

michigan , north_carolina , february_2010
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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,300 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 6:19 PM Go to message in response to: FrancieElaine

Agree with everyone else. It's rude and annoying if people don't respond on or before the RSVP date....but you gave them until Jan. 15. So if they haven't responded, that's not rude. You gave them till Jan. 15 and they still have till Jan. 15.

If I were one of the guests, I would have been one of the ones waiting until after the holidays were over, too. Don't take it personally.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 616 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 6:54 PM Go to message in response to: MelMix

I honestly don't think any of your guests are being rude or lazy. You sent out the invites a good 4 months prior to your wedding. I think that's probably a bit too early, especially with the Holidays and all, people are occupied and it could've totally slipped their mind. It's nothing you can get upset with them for though.

People also might not know if they will be able to attend or not yet. I know if I recieved an invite for a wedding 4 months prior to it, I more than likely wouldn't be able to give a definite answer right away. Choosing an earlier RSVP date wouldn't really do much either, it would just calm your nerves at the most. Lets say you did set it for today, 12/29, some people might not be sure if they'll be available to go, therefore they might automatically RSVP no because they don't want to call and cancel later on.

Also, 2 weeks prior to the deadline is NOT the last second. Even if you do recieve RSVP's on Jan. 15th, it's not rude at all. That is the deadline you told people. You cannot get mad at them for not RSVPing sooner. If they wait until after the deadline that can be inconvienient, but as of now you really have no reason to get so upset.


michigan , june_2010 , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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MelMix Posts : 46 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 1:55 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

I took a big breath after my first post and it felt better. Yes, the reality is there is two more weeks and I know people need to make their plans. Where the anxiety is mostly coming from is that there is a strong tendency around where I live for people to REALLY put things off..I cannot say how many times I've had to follow up on an email I've sent or a phone call to someone to confirm or ask a question not-wedding related (this includes a lot of businesses too!). I used to live in NYC and larger cities and I've never quite adjusted to the verrrryyy laid back attitudes when I came back here..which can be nice, but also maddening at times.

The thing is, I have this vision where I have to spend an afternoon making phone calls to find out people attending the wedding, THEN I have to wait days to get a response back..even if I say, "We'd love to have you and I'll need to know by Saturday for a head count."

So..I'm just crossing my fingers that I don't have to go through that, because yes... I am busy too!


Wedding Countdown Ticker

"life is not a dress rehearsal, so live like it's showtime!"

michigan , june_2010 , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 7:35 AM Go to message in response to: MelMix

Glad you're feeling a little better about it all. About your nightmare of having to call people after the RSVP deadline, you said that most of your guests are family and close friends that you see regularly, right? Couldn't you ask them about it when you see them? Or remind them before the RSVP deadline? I don't think it's rude to bring it up casually in conversation and say, 'Oh, I almost forgot - we're looking for a final count soon for our wedding. Do you think you can make it?' Then get their answer right then and there.

I'll tell you what I did. A week or two before our RSVP deadline, I sent out a 'wedding reminder' to all the guests whose email addresses I have (which was mostly everyone, except some elderly relatives who don't use computers). It said something like, 'Happy April, everyone! We just wanted to remind you that the deadline to book a hotel room for our wedding at the reduced rate is X, so please call XXX-XXX-XXXX to make your reservation soon if you're planning to attend. Speaking of the wedding, we are hoping to get everyone's RSVP by X as well. We've already heard from many of you, but if you've lost your little card or don't have time to dig it out, please feel free to RSVP by responding to this email or by using the nifty RSVP form on our website at XXX. Hope to see you all soon!'

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

michigan , june_2010 , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

A week or two before our RSVP deadline, I sent out a 'wedding reminder' to all the guests whose email addresses I have (which was mostly everyone, except some elderly relatives who don't use computers). It said something like, 'Happy April, everyone! We just wanted to remind you that the deadline to book a hotel room for our wedding at the reduced rate is X, so please call XXX-XXX-XXXX to make your reservation soon if you're planning to attend. Speaking of the wedding, we are hoping to get everyone's RSVP by X as well.

Such a good idea ArtBride! The OP should definitely follow in your footsteps on this one! It seems like she just wnats something to do because she is going stir crazy with just 2 weeks left of her deadline. This will help her get the responses she needs while reminding her guests of the deadline to attend as well as a possible reduced cost for a room. Perfect!

michigan , june_2010 , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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MelMix Posts : 46 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: What's up with not RSVP'ing?
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 5:16 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

ArtBride,

That is the perfect response! Much appreciated.

Sometimes it just feels good to vent the anxiety going on inside..so thank you all in helping me screw my head back on straight:)

Wedding Countdown Ticker

"life is not a dress rehearsal, so live like it's showtime!"

michigan , june_2010 , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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