19 and engaged but...

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Aiddie Posts : 7 Registered: 12/27/09
19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 4:25 AM

Hello there. I'm 19 and my FH is 19. He proposed to me on Christmas. I was so happy! My family knows, except two of my grandparents. Well people seem to be supportive but my dad doesn't seem as supportive. I've told him I'm not getting married next week! We want to have a summer wedding but it won't be Summer '10.

Is being engaged for more than a year considered awkward or anything?
How can I get people to become more supportive like my dad?
Do we need to set a date and start planning right away?

This whole thing is so confusing and unknown to me. Anyone want to help me out? I never thought I'd be engaged at 19 but it happened and I'm ecstatic.

Thanks!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 7:32 AM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

Is being engaged for more than a year considered awkward or anything?
No, especially not at your age. People have long engagements for all kinds of reasons. Finishing school and getting on your feet financially as independent, post-college adults are great reasons to have a long engagement.

How can I get people to become more supportive like my dad?
You can't force anyone to be supportive. As far as your dad goes, my advice is to just give him some time. He is probably concerned that you will be sacrificing all your opportunities as a young adult in order to get married and 'grow up faster.' If you give him some time to A) Get used to the idea, and B) Figure out your plans and show him that you're still going to finish school and won't be distracted by weddings and other stuff.

Your dad is probably dealing with a lot of emotions right now, everything from, 'My baby girl is getting married' to 'Do I still help support her if she's old enough for marriage?' Give him some time to process all that before you start accusing him of not being supportive.

Do we need to set a date and start planning right away?

Certainly not. It would be a good idea to sit down with your families and discuss all of your expectations, however - that way, everyone is on the same page. Do you intend to wait until you're finished with college to get married, or are you hoping to get married while still in school? If your parents are helping you financially (with school or the wedding), will they still be willing to do so if you get married while still in school? If you get married while still in school, could you stay on your parents health insurance? (most policies do not allow married children on their parents policies, though they'll generally allow unmarried children to stay on the policy until 24 or 25, if they're still in school). If not, how will you support yourselves?

My advice is to put off the wedding until you've finished school, at least. That way, neither of you will be forced to quit school and work so that you can eat or afford to pay your rent. Don't put yourself in a position where one of you needs to sacrifice your education for the marriage - not when you have the option of finishing your educations BEFORE getting married!

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 8:11 AM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

My advice is to put off the wedding until you've finished school, at least. That way, neither of you will be forced to quit school and work so that you can eat or afford to pay your rent. Don't put yourself in a position where one of you needs to sacrifice your education for the marriage - not when you have the option of finishing your educations BEFORE getting married!

I agree with Artbride on this 100%. Don't put off school just to go and get married. It's important to have a college education even if it's just a trade degree. The important thing is that you and your fiance both have good decent jobs before getting married. You two wouldn't want to be living with mommy and daddy while you are husband and wife. It's ok to stay engaged for many years since you are young, until you both are finanically stable to get married.
                           
  

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Aiddie Posts : 7 Registered: 12/27/09
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 4:36 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

Thanks guys. I do plan on finishing school first even if its just my 2 yr degree first. I'm going to a community college right now then plan on transferring to a 4 yr and finish there.

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calalily13 Posts : 25 Registered: 10/8/09
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 5:36 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

I also just engaged and I am soon going to be 22. My fiance and i have been dating for over 5 years and are not planning on being married until about 2013. We want to get into graduate school and get about half way done with the graduate school and get more situated financially before we take that leap. I would HIGHLY recommend that you wait for awhile. There is nothing wrong with a long engagement especially at 19 years old.

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 6:11 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

It is sometimes harder for Father's to let go of their little girls. Give him time, he will most likely come around. Give everyone time. It is a huge thing to take in, but most of the time people warm up to the idea. Congrats! And a long engagement is very okay these days. My son just got engaged and their date is June of 2011. Plenty of time!

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dickerson2be Posts : 19 Registered: 12/8/09
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 1:45 AM Go to message in response to: FrancieElaine

If I were you, I would go with a long engagement. Probably more than 2 years. Give yourself a chance to get your education and concentrate on what you need. That will also give your father more time to get used to the idea of you getting married and time for him to get to know your FH.

Lindsey

The future Mrs. Dickerson

 

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 10, 2010 1:42 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

Hello,

Just ran into this and thought I would chip in. It wasn't posted too long ago...

My FH & I are young as well. He is 21 and I am 20. We will both be graduating the same year. We are in our second year of University, we have 2 1/2 years until we graduate.

We are considering planning the wedding while still in school but under no circumstances will we get married while still in school. The wedding may be the fall after graduating or the following spring.

I would follow previous posters advice in saying to not get married as a student. Getting married young there are some sacrifices that you make--not experiencing your early 20s like you would if you were single. Being a student and being married I find fairly extreme.

Your Dad probably just needs time. Waiting until you at least graduate will give him some ease of mind.

Keep us posted!

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FutureMrsSimpki... Posts : 45 Registered: 1/7/10
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 10, 2010 1:49 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

I got engaged when I was 18. We have been dating for 2 years when he proposed. I don't think there is a problem in being engaged at a young age. I know I told Patrick that the most important thing in my life was college and I wanted to finish before we got married. He understands because that's my future. I finish school in 2011 and we are getting married in the same year.

My whole family was excited for us. My dad really didn't care for Patrick just because I was his little girl and he thought Patrick was taking me away from him. I think your dad will come around. You are young but when you love someone, there is no age.

Congrats to your engagement! :)

Future Mrs.Simpkins<3

"This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love."




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xCorset Posts : 3 Registered: 1/10/10
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 10, 2010 7:17 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

I became engaged at 18 and I'm 20 now. We're waiting until we're doing with school, so it will be 2012 we will get married. There isn't anything wrong/awkward about having a long engagement; it's probably for the best, anyway. There isn't a point in rushing into marriage just to be married.

You can't force your father to be supportive. My own father dislikes my fiance and there isn't anything I can do except let it be. All you can do is hope that he will come around.

I just started tentatively planning. Once again, there isn't any need to rush into something you aren't ready for.
6.16.12

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xCorset Posts : 3 Registered: 1/10/10
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 10, 2010 7:17 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

I became engaged at 18 and I'm 20 now. We're waiting until we're doing with school, so it will be 2012 we will get married. There isn't anything wrong/awkward about having a long engagement; it's probably for the best, anyway. There isn't a point in rushing into marriage just to be married.

You can't force your father to be supportive. My own father dislikes my fiance and there isn't anything I can do except let it be. All you can do is hope that he will come around.

I just started tentatively planning. Once again, there isn't any need to rush into something you aren't ready for.
6.16.12

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LastingLove Posts : 2 Registered: 11/29/09
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 19, 2010 10:03 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

A long engagement is not uncommon or a bad sign. My fiance and I have been dating for 3 years, and will have been together for 6 years total when we finally tie the knot. We chose a long engagement because I need to finish college and start a career. Choose the right date for you and your fiance, do what's best for the two of you. I understand that the wait is terrible, but it is totally worth it in my opinion. And Congratulations!

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 19, 2010 11:52 PM Go to message in response to: Aiddie

Hello. I am also 19 and am planning my wedding. One concern my Father voiced to my FH when he asked him for my hand in marriage was that my Father wanted to make sure I was going to finish school. My Mother voiced the same concerns separately (they are divorced so he felt he had to ask each of them--eeek). Most of the time parents are only concerned about you. Your Father may not seem supportive because he is worried you won't finish college and get the education that is so important in this world. Promise him you are going to finish your degree and actually go through with it. My parents were supportive at first yet concerned about me, which is completely understandable. Now that I've promised to finish my Bachelor's (currently have an Associate's), my parents are pleased, and it gives me a motivation to finish, since I do not want to let them and my FH down.

You're going to hear it from tons of people, but just make sure your financials are in a row. Health insurance, tuition, housing, car bills, utilities..these are all things you're going to have to pay. You probably have already considered all of this, but it's worthy of a reminder since it is all so important. I wish you the very best with everything. If you have any questions or just want to chat with another 19 year old bride, feel free to shoot me a message.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 20, 2010 12:52 AM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010

I got married while still in school. However, my husband was finished, and had been for a year. So I would say that make sure at LEAST one of you is done school, just for practical reasons. When you have one person holding down a full-time job, it's a lot easier on the other person to focus more on school.

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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FutureMrsPrice Posts : 12 Registered: 3/30/09
Re: 19 and engaged but...
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 10:23 PM Go to message in response to: xCorset

First of all, congratulations!

I'm actually in the exact same situation as xCorset. I got engaged when I was 18, I'm now 20 and we're planning our wedding for June 2012 when I'll be 23 and my FH will be 25. It can certainly tough having such a long engagement but I wouldn't change anything about it. At 18, we were ready to commit to one another and we wanted to make our commitment official. However, we were certainly not at the stage in life where either of us were ready to be married at 18. A long engagement is allowing us to take our time growing together as a couple, graduate school, get solid jobs and incomes and of course, plan our perfect wedding day.

The hardest thing for me is seeing other friends get engaged and married very young and very quickly and although I am jealous of how fast they seem to be able to get it all together, I know that this is the right timing for us as a couple.

So my advice is to enjoy being engaged and not to worry at all about what society considers normal or awkward. Each and every couple is different and people need to realize that there's no perfect cookie cutter method that will work wonderfly for everyone.

All the best!



Edited by: FutureMrsPrice on Jan 22, 2010 10:23 PM

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