Wedding vs. Football????

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 22


mrssankeyjr Posts : 60 Registered: 10/16/08
Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 3:55 PM

Ok I had an issue come up this weekend. My FH plays for a semi-pro football team, this is his first year and he is all geeked up about playing and the season. Yesterday at their practice they recieved thier schedule for next year, and can you believe it, His preseason game is on our Wedding day (May 15, 2010). Ok, I wasn't trippin a first, I was thinking that if the game is in the AM it will be cool, because the wedding is not set to start until 4:30pm. But of course the game starts at 5pm. FH asked me about how i felt if we moved the date, and I didn't like that because that day is significant to our relationship. We though all about moving the times around and other dates but nothing plays our right in my head (you know like how I pictured our day to be). So after shedding a tear I told him that I would be willing to change the date. And then I guess he thought about it some more and came back to me and said that we will go ahead and carry out the orginal plans, dates and times.

I guess that he spoke with some of his family members and the coach and concluded that it would be ok, you see he is worried about loosing his position if he misses a game.

So now I feel bad, like i'm being selfish and not making a compromise for him. But really I don't want to change any of the plans that have been put in place already, like the church, reception site, cater, you know the things that are hard to change.

What you y'all think!.... please be easy on me, im sensitive:) LOL.
love brings change

Reply

FmF Posts : 106 Registered: 8/19/09
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 4:06 PM Go to message in response to: mrssankeyjr

as long as he is there on time and looking good I wouldn't worry about it.

I have learned the hard way that things most likely will not turn out the way we picture them in our heads, but we have to keep in mind that the most important thing is the marriage itself not the wedding not the pictures not the dress. so just smile and go with it. and i wish you the best of luck :)

Future Mrs. Fransen

 "From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being."
--Unknown

Reply


SoontobeMrsGlover Posts : 79 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: FmF

I don't think you were being selfish at all. You told him you could change the wedding date (i'm sure reluctantly. :)) but he decided to go forth with the original plans. I think as long as he's happy and is ok with the decision, then don't worry about it. If you sense that he's unhappy with the decision maybe you need to sit down and come to some other compromise. But if not, then let it be a dead issue.

And when he does play his first game, just be sure to be there to cheer him on!

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 6:36 PM Go to message in response to: mrssankeyjr

Dear Mrs S,

May 15 might be significant to your relationship, but the preseason football game could be significant to his career and to his place on the team. Another issue: Do you want to invite other team members to the wedding? The groom can get away, but not the whole team.

Another issue is the honeymoon. Might it be better to have the wedding when FH can leave town for a honeymoon without missing any football?

Here is what I suggest.

You keep an open mind and go with FH to talk to the coach together. Present your situation. Wedding already scheduled, but you are open to change if necessary.

Then LISTEN to the coach with that open mind. Read the body language.

If the coach assures you that FH missing a game would be totally OK, and that he sees no reason why you should not stick with your plans, then great.

If, however, the coach hems and haws, giving you the impression that FH will be thought of as having let the team down (etc), then change.

Ask the coach, while you are there, what other alternative dates are available, where there are no practices, no games and FH can take off without negative repercussions.

Sure, you want your special day. But any day you get married will be your special day.

Reply


mrssankeyjr Posts : 60 Registered: 10/16/08
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 6:57 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks Ladies, this has all be really great advise, yes, the honeymoon is going to be an issue, but I am more willing to compromise/postpone this rather than the wedding it's self. He has two preseason games in May and then a short break the week of the 23rd, and then the season begins June 1st. So we will either have to take a short honey moon, or wait until the end of the season which is September, but if they make playoffs and all that you know how that goes... it won't be until next winter.

(We had some ideas floating around about where we want to go for honeymoon but no solid plans yet)

I talked to FH and he said Coach said to make me happy, so I hope the Coach really means it. FH is a really good ball player and he hopes that if this semi-pro ball goes well it would open doors to Pro ball, ya know, I just don't want "our wedding" to be the reason why his career didn't go as he expects.

But FH told me that I am what is most important, which is what I wanted to hear, I just hope that he doesn't regret in the future.

Also FH best man is on the team, so I know Coach isn't going to like that, but what else can we do?

And of course I will definetally be in the front row cheering him on for all the games.
love brings change

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 7:14 PM Go to message in response to: mrssankeyjr

dear Mrs S,

", so I hope the Coach really means it."

You won't know that unless you go and talk to the coach YOURSELF and read for YOURSELF what he really means.

"Also FH best man is on the team, so I know Coach isn't going to like that, but what else can we do?"

Yikes. Not only are you taking one player out of the game, but two. No, I can't imagine the coach being overjoyed at that. In fact, foul language comes to mind.

What else can you do? Change your date, that's what else you can do. It's one thing to ask FH to jeopardize his football career for your Significant Date. It's another thing to ask the best man to similarly go out on a limb for you.

My vote: move the date. Then invite a bunch of the team members to the wedding.

I've been married 33 years. I've learned that you don't always get what you want. My own wedding anniversary has been blown out of the water a few times by work-related issues, both mine and his. We just deal with it. Being employed sure beats being unemployed, that's my philosophy.

Reply


SoontobeMrsGlover Posts : 79 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 7:36 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Now that we know the best man is on the team, I think you have a huge issue. You might want to rethink moving the date, unless you paid huge non-refundable deposits- in which case talk to your vendors becuase many places are little flexible with a date change (pending availablility) as long as you keep your wedding with them.

I doubt your FH and the best man will be able to miss the game. Good luck, I hope everything works out!

Reply


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 9:02 PM Go to message in response to: SoontobeMrsGlover

I completely agree that you should change the date. Marriage (and life in general) requires flexibility. In the long run, your FH's career is far more important than your sentimental attachment to a particular date. I say all of this assuming that you have not put down any major deposits that you would lose if you were to change the date. I agree totally with AOTB and all of her advice.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Reply


karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 9:35 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I agree with Myra and AOTB. Change the date, if at all possible. Sure, the date is significant to you, but any date you marry will be significant because that's the date you get married.

More importantly, there's a real chance your FH's best man will not be able to attend the wedding. In fact, I'm not even sure it's fair to ask him. IMHO, itis completely different for your FH to miss a game for his wedding than for his friend to also miss the same game for someone's wedding. I imagine FH wouldn't even consider skipping the game if it was anyone's wedding but his own.

I just don't think it's a good idea to have your FH miss a preseason game for your wedding. It could have major, significant implications on his career. Think about how much commentators and fans would criticize a star pro player for skipping a game for his wedding. If the season only runs May-September (maybe plus playoffs), that's more than half the year available.

Also, I doubt your could/should go on your honeymoon the week between the end of preseason and the beginning of the season. I would think there would be many important practices that week. Why not get married in late October or early November (like, the week after the championship game is schedule) and go on your honeymoon then? FH can celebrate surviving the season and he won't have worries about missing games in the back of his mind. He can focus on you.

 

Reply


MissApril Posts : 276 Registered: 1/21/09
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 10:23 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

I totally agree with everyone else who posted. Change your date. There have to be other sentimental dates in the year, and if not, make one. Also about the honeymoon, you might not want to do a whole lot of traveling when you only have a short number of days. You don't want him stuck at an airport due to bad weather. Not when he has a game he needs to be at.
Life happens! I'm no longer WaitingForApril2010

Reply


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 9:05 AM Go to message in response to: mrssankeyjr

I'm with the others - change the date. He can sit here and tell you that you're more important than his football career, but how would you feel if having the wedding on that date actually affects his career prospects? How would he feel? I love DH with all my heart, but I'd definitely resent him if he made a big deal over something like this and it cost me my career.

As far as the best man goes, it doesn't sound like he'll be able to be there if you don't change the date. What is more important to you and your FH: that date, or having his BM available? That date, or the possibility of a future career?

I wouldn't be willing to risk it.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

Reply


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I am sure you absolutely are the most important thing to him.

One way you can show him the feeling is mutual is by changing the date.

If I were you, I'd take AOTB's advice and talk to the coach yourself, and to the best man as well. Be frank. I'd say "insert name swears that not attending this game isn't a big deal, but I really need to be absolutely positive that that's true. Lay it out for me -- what are the consequences of him missing this game?"

It really might not be a big deal, but if I were you, I'd want to have some reassurance from someone other than my FH. After all, your wants to make you happy -- talk to someone who doesn't have that bias.


__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


BriansAzBride Posts : 326 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I hate to say it mrssankeyjr but... I think you need to move the date. I know how much work and thought has gone into the wedding already but you said he has a break the weeks of the 23rd. Why don't you have it then? That way you are still in May and because you are only moving it a week or two the vendors shouldn't penalize you hardly at all if none. Just think that your new wedding date will replace the other sentimental dates you have. Think it over.

 

 

 

 I feel like a kid. Pinch me. This kind of love certainly can't be real. Oh wait, it is :)

Reply


mrssankeyjr Posts : 60 Registered: 10/16/08
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: BriansAzBride

Thanks Laides, I will definitely think all of this over carefully. And most importantly ask my FH again and look into his eyes, and try to read behind his words.

Funny thing.... This all came up on Sunday, and he hasn't been the same ole since. I do think that it is bothering him. And I know that I would be super mad if he did something that might change my career ranking.

You all have given me another perspective to think about! Thanks for the advise. I'll let you know what happens.
love brings change

Reply


mrssankeyjr Posts : 60 Registered: 10/16/08
Re: Wedding vs. Football????
Posted: Dec 31, 2009 1:07 AM Go to message in response to: mrssankeyjr

I spoke with him about it again and swears that it is cool to keep the date the same. But I've told him that I would feel better about chaning the date, so now I'm looking at May 1, 2009 or April 24, 2009. LOL Apirl 24th is my Bday! LOL.

I haven't asked the venue or the cater yet about changing the date do you think this will be a huge problem?


love brings change

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine