Wedding Cancelled a Week Before

Online Users: 1,280 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 11

LifeChanging Posts : 2 Registered: 12/28/08
Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 22, 2009 9:38 PM

I really need some advice. I don't know what to do. My fiance and I planned our wedding for a year but it was cancelled the weekend before. It is a really complex situation.
We both lived with our parents until we decided to move in together about 6 months ago. We have been dating since high school and I always had a good relationship with his family until we moved in together. Everything was ok the first month or so but then his mom just wouldn't leave us alone or the wedding planning alone. I knew that he was a mommas boy but I never knew how bad it was. His mom was like super mom she did all his laundry, dishes, shopping, packing his lunch for work, and everything else imaginable. When we moved in together he asked me to make him a list of housework to do so we were both pulling our share but then his family started saying things like I was being ridicuolous for making him do housework. His mom called me 3 or 4 times a day, she would show up unannounced, she commented on what I would make for dinner (and not in a good way she makes homemade meals like every night), she works at the bank we banked at and would check our account daily, she thought she could pick all my cleaning supplies, and much more. Everything I wanted about the wedding she would say o yeah that sounds great then she would change it. His sister acted like she was my friend so I told her a lot but then the last month we were together I realized she was faking being my friend. My fiance and I started fighting a lot towards the end because I wanted him to tell his mom and his sister to back off and let us be. His mom and sister both started calling my sister and telling her things when I stopped answering their phone calls. The last straw was one night when his mom called my sister and told her I wasn't a good match for her son. I got really mad and said I was done. I thought he would realize how much I was hurt about all the things they had been saying. He didn't do anything and then the next day his dad called and told me the wedding was off. Then I talked to my fiance and he said he really wanted to just postpone everythin and he gave me my ring back. Then he went to tell his family and he called me and said it wasn't going to work out so I ended up haveing to move out. His family and him now have new phone numbers and he has a brand new car. I come from a town of about 2,000 people so everyone knows everything. I have tried talking to him but he has changed so much. He won't even talk to the best man, his best friend. The families just started fighting and everything towards the end. I stood up to his mom and told her I was sick of all her crap. What should I do??

Reply


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 22, 2009 11:41 PM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

OK - This is going to sound harsh but I'm truly not trying to be mean.

He doesn't want to be married to you if he won't stand up to his family.

You dodged a bullet by not marrying him, yes you are hurt and had to move out, but it's better than a divorce.

There is NOTHING you can do. And I have no clue why you give a $hit about the people in the town you live in (and I come from a small town so I know the gossip).

He's not worth it and while you may not realize it now - you are fortunate to not be bound to his family.

Again, there is nothing you can do but try and go on with your life - without him. I'm not saying this will be easy, but this is what you need to do.

 

 

 

Reply


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 22, 2009 11:56 PM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

It sucks, yes. But consider yourself to be so very lucky. His mommy and daddy tell him what to do, and he takes it up the butt....and you'd be expected to do so too.

Regarding the bank: Call the manager and report her. (Yeah, I can be a bitch.) I have worked for a bank AND had the ability to check people's account activity. However, unless they have given me an authorization to do so, then I am not authorized to do so. That is a breech of privacy laws. She has no business checking your account. Is it vindictive? Sure, a little. But since she was doing what you're reporting her for in YOUR accounts, what's to say she's not nosing about in other's business. Let the bank check the records of the accounts she's looking at.

The bank I worked for I was working in the mortgage division. My parents had a mortgage with that bank. I looked at their account ONCE...at my dad's request, because he wanted to know where it was as far as outstanding principle, original loan balance vs value. He was trying to determine where he stood about getting rid of his PMI. I checked the information with him on the phone. I didn't just randomly pull up his account. I didn't randomly pull up the accounts of people I know.

Consider yourself VERY lucky. His family is awful, and that was your life for the rest of your life with him. Embarassing? Yes. For the best for YOU? Absolutely.

Its also not like you're saying here how much you love him. I didn't hear anything about how lost you'd be without him, how much you miss him. Etc. What I heard was that you're pretty much embarassed about the wedding being cancelled. Don't get married just to save face. This is what an engagement period is for -- to really truly determine if both parties are ready for marriage. He's not. He's still 3 years old and has Mommy running his life.

Misty

Reply

LifeChanging Posts : 2 Registered: 12/28/08
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 23, 2009 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I miss him so much and I had my life planned with him. I know where I stand with my love for him but I don't know what to do with his family. Everyone that knows the situation says I should move on and I was lucky for not going forward with the wedding. We were really happy but everytime his mom did something he would say its just the way she is and I would get upset. The love we shared was amazing just the outside forces on the relationship tore it to pieces.

Reply


08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 23, 2009 2:28 PM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, and I can only imagine how painful it must be.

Be very glad you did not marry this little boy. That's right, I said little boy because a grown ass man ready to get married and have his own household, would have put his mother in her place.

Time will heal your pain and when you find a real man, you will be grateful!

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

Reply


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 23, 2009 6:52 PM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

LifeChanging:

I know that you dont want to hear this, but everyone is right. You are lucky. You should move on.

Your EX fiance was not man enough to break up with you himself. His daddy called and said the wedding was off. Not him. He didn't stand up to his parents then and say "The wedding is NOT off. You guys can get your rocks off somewhere else, but newsflash, I'm an adult and I'm marrying this woman. Bite my ass." He let his FATHER cancel the engagement. And even if daddy did call and say the wedding was off, HE didn't call you back and tell you that his father didn't know what the heck he was talking about. He said "let's postpone."

Next: his parents changed their phone number and his phone number... AND bought the boy a car to get him to stay away from you. They basically bought him off.

This is not a man who had his life planned with you. This is not a man who loves you, or who believes that it was an amazing love.

And the outside forces tore it to pieces because he didn't stand up to his family and tell them that he was a grown ass man who was fully capable of making decisions on his own. He let his parents run his life, and didn't make any effort to tell them to back off. He didn't make any effort to stand up to them for you.

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS BABY BOY MANCHILD. He's worthless.

Let the waste of skin go. Know that this was his problem and he's the idiot who lost the best thing that ever happened to him because he was incapable of standing up to his parents or he was unwilling to stand up to them.. but it works out the same. You were not important enough to him for him to man up.

So while you loved him with everything in you, he did not return the love. You don't deserve to be treated like this. You deserve a partner, and this boy was not it.

Misty

Reply


CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 24, 2009 4:08 PM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

Time to move on with your life. Your ex fiance does not know how to stand for himself. He sounds like a little boy. If he knew what he wanted then he would have stood up to his family. Go get yourself a real man! There are plenty of men out there who wash their own undies and clean their own toilets and who cook their own dinner and who have their own bank accounts without mommy butting in all the time.
                           
  

Daisypath Wedding tickers

 

Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Sign my guestbook!!! :)



 


Reply


BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Nov 26, 2009 12:35 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Unforunately, there is nothing you can do. He gave the ring back. Outside forces didn't prevent you from marrying. HE prevented you from marrying, because he was too big of a douchebag to tell other people off for hurting the person he claimed to love. You must be angry as hell, as well as upset. I find it sometimes helps to try to focus on the anger, not the hurt. The "fuck him" mentality.

I would also report his mother. I'm pretty sure that checking someone's bank account without their permission is against the law, much less the rules.

You did dodge a bullet on this one. But I realize that KNOWING that is different than feeling it :(
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

Reply

weidertt Posts : 6 Registered: 9/30/09
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 12:47 AM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

I totally feel ya on this one. My wedding was called off 2 weeks before, so I know how devastating it can be to plan your life with someone and then have things change so drasticly. And I agree and disagree with some of the advice given. I agree that your man isn't quite a man yet if he can't stand up for himself or stand up for you. But I don't think thats a reason to let go of the relationship. Maybe give it more time, time for him to grow up, and time for you to realize, ok maybe my man isn't the confident type to stand up for himself, and you need to realize if our ok with being with a man like that. Don't give up, just take some time for you and to figure out if you want that relationship and all of the strings attached....

Reply

theFutureMrsCol... Posts : 7 Registered: 2/24/08
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 2:15 AM Go to message in response to: weidertt

Weirdertt- not good advice. If this girl was a friend of mine or my sister I would say move on. She deserves someone that wants to be with her. She doesn't need to raise a little boy and hope one day he can become a man.

The other ladies have given good advice, he needs to grow up and there is nothing you can do.

You dodged a bullet sweetie. Find a man that has a healthy relationship with his mom, filled with boundaries.

Good Luck

Reply


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 10:33 AM Go to message in response to: theFutureMrsCol...

Weirdtt... I know you're coming from a place where you're questioning your decision -- feeling like an outcast because of your decision. You made the right one for you. But you're also hurt, and this is very fresh for you.

But your advice to this poster is dead wrong. She deserves to have someone who loves her....not someone who allows his family to bully both of them.


Misty

Reply


FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Wedding Cancelled a Week Before
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: LifeChanging

The ladies who are advising you to get on with your life are totally right. I am so very sorry you have had to go through this. My heart goes out to you. Thank heavens you found out what your ex-fiance was like before you became his wife. Sweetie, it would never have changed with his family. It would have only gotten worse. The fact that he allowed his family to interfere in his "adult relationship", had his Daddy call to tell you the wedding was over, and has totally avoided you tells me he lacks courage and character. I know your heart is broken. It will take time to heal.

And who cares what small town people think? Most of them probably are thinking, "What a weird family... she is lucky to have gotten out of that situation." You have nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head up high and get on with your life girlfriend. Good luck and God Bless.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine