Is it weird the wedding was cancelled?

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weidertt Posts : 6 Registered: 9/30/09
Is it weird the wedding was cancelled?
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 12:56 AM

It's been a few monthes now since I originally wrote here asking for advice because my fiance had cold feet and tried to postpone the wedding, I could not accept a postponement, so the wedding got cancelled.

Do weddings get cancelled very often? Do people get cold feet often?

I'm trying to move on past all of this, but I'm really starting to realize that I don't think people call off their weddings that often, and to be honest I'm starting to feel like a freak.

Does it happen? I've only seen like two posts here about cancelled weddings...

How common is cold feet? Do people cave in to it often, or do most get over it?

Just looking for some opinions


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Is it weird the wedding was cancelled?
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 9:14 AM Go to message in response to: weidertt

Dear Wei,

What you need to understand is that Unusual is not Abnormal.

There are plenty of things out there in the world that are certainly Unusual, but not wrong. A few things come to mind:

Being left-handed is Unusual but not Abnormal.

Being red-haired is Unusual but not Abnormal.

Being adopted is Unusual but not Abnormal. (I ought to know. I'm adopted.)

You need to find peace with what is right for you, not some kind of common normal situation.

Yes, it's Unusual to cancel a wedding a week or two ahead of time. It happens. However, it's far better for you in the long run to NOT marry someone who doesn't want to marry you. It's far better for you to choke down the disappointment and move on with your life than to be in a miserable marriage and, eventually, miserable divorce.

Weddings get cancelled. Occasionally. It happens. Ask anyone getting divorced and they might tell you they envy you for getting out from a bad relationship while you could, without involving courts, lawyers, judges and massive legal fees. Years ago I broke off a bad engagement and now I am so glad I did. The guy was a big jerk.


NatashaAB Posts : 353 Registered: 10/6/08
Re: Is it weird the wedding was cancelled?
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 9:59 AM Go to message in response to: weidertt

While it may not be very common, it definitely is not abnormal. Like AOTB said, unusual is not abnormal.

I called off my wedding to my ex-fiance. We had grown in different ways and different directions. I knew we wouldnt function much longer as a couple and I had begun to doubt whether he was the right one for me. And I was right. I found someone who IS right for me and someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. My ex is still one of my best friends because we do love each other just in a different way now.

I have a friend who called off her wedding right around the time I did because of family problems. There have been brides on this board who have called off their wedding. I know of a couple. It happens.

I would MUCH rather call off a wedding before it happened than to realize after your married, that you are not right for each other.

Nat (22) Nate (31)


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Is it weird the wedding was cancelled?
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: weidertt

No, it isn't weird. It's brave.

It takes courage to stand up for yourself, to decide that you're worth the lost deposits, the questions you're going to get, the commentary. You made a true statement of your self worth that a lot of women do NOT have the courage to make -- I am one of them.

I knew at least a month before my first marriage that it was wrong, that I should cancel it. But I couldn't. I could not face what people would say about me cancelling my wedding. My parents had paid all the vendors in full (they gave deep discounts for paid in full up front).... and I couldn't cost that money...not without having a wedding on that day. I couldn't see past all those issues to realize that my HAPPINESS was more important. They would rather have lost the money and had me happy than paid that much money for me to be miserable for a year and a half before I divorced. I know that NOW. But then, all I could see was the money I would be throwing away--and I could not recognize that my happiness and my sanity and my self worth was worth so much more than that.

A lot of people didn't like the movie Bride Wars -- but I loved it for one scene. Anne Hathaway's leaving her groom at the altar....with no one to run to but a friend. No other man waiting in the wings for her. Just her realizing that she deserved someone who loved who she was.

And you also had that courage, that strength, that sense of self worth. It takes a strong woman to walk away from a wedding -- because so many of us are brought up in families where you're no one until you're married, and so many girls grow up feeling as if they are no one without a boyfriend. But you had enough wisdom to say "No, I will not marry someone like this. The wedding is off."

Take pride in the fact that you cancelled your wedding. It was the right thing to do. And you're a stronger woman for it!



FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Is it weird the wedding was cancelled?
Posted: Dec 26, 2009 9:04 PM Go to message in response to: weidertt

I totally agree with Cat. She is right, it isn't weird... it is brave. So many women go through with weddings knowing deep down it is a mistake. Why do they do it? Because they are afraid. They are afraid to appear to have "failed" or are afraid to disappoint others. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid what people will think. So, they get married and eventually... divorced. And take it from someone who has gone through divorce, it destroys. So as much as you may question yourself.... know that you followed your instinct and be proud of the strong woman you are.

Best wishes for the New Year. Make it a GREAT ONE!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer  



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