No idea what to do...

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ToniZilla Posts : 4 Registered: 12/16/09
No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 16, 2009 8:12 PM

I'm so, soo confused.
So my fiance and I were planning a wedding for 2012. Being that it is no longer going to be covered by my parents they had offered to pay for everything but they no longer are willing to, we're kind of lost on what to do with this.
I'm trying to be smart about this financially.... but I have been dreaming of buying a dress and having a special day for the two of us.
We can't afford to pay for the kind of wedding my parents were going to give us.
My fiance's side plan to contribute quite a few thousand and they're giving us the same amount of money that was given to his brother for his wedding just to keep things fair....and everyone says its our choice whether we want to go big or not.
At first I was thinking maybe something in Vegas- small ceremony and private dinner, most likely spend the honeymoon there.
But now I'm thinking... should we go for town hall and take the money to start our lives?
We're going back & forth with the ideas and its always "whatever makes you happy"... but we really don't know what to do.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 16, 2009 10:01 PM Go to message in response to: ToniZilla

Dear Toni,

You have quite a bit of time before you have to make a decision. Why not just decide to not decide quite yet? Wait until you have to go one way or the other, then decide then.

In the meantime, keep your options open.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 17, 2009 12:54 AM Go to message in response to: ToniZilla

I know you don't want to hear "whatever makes you happy", but that is exactly what you need to do. Some people prefer to have a big huge wedding with all there friends and family, others want a destination wedding, and some people are fine with going to the court house then using the money for a down payment on a house or something. While your trying to decide between what to do for your wedding, just think of the future, and what have you always envisioned, and would you look back and regret any of the options? If there's something you think you'll regret, I would cross that option off of the list.

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FantasticFall Posts : 8 Registered: 12/6/09
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 17, 2009 9:04 AM Go to message in response to: ToniZilla

2012 is a long way away and you may have different ideas as it leads up to it. You have several options
1)save up until closer to then and then make a decision
2) do the destination wedding with someone hosting a small, casual reception back home afterwards
3) learn to do a lot yourself and keep it simple(I found that make my bouquets, invitations, programs, favors and many other things saved me nearly $1,000 and it wasn't hard at all)
4) have a "big" wedding with less people, make it just those who you really really want there and it will be just as special as you want it.
5) have a smaller ceremony that you can afford now and save up for a larger vow renewal later
Remember, it's your day and your dream, make it that way.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 17, 2009 11:16 AM Go to message in response to: ToniZilla

First off, as the PPs have mentioned, you have plenty of time to decide, so I wouldn't stress about any of this now.

When it comes time to make the decision, look at it this way. 10, 20, or 30 years down the road, which would you regret the most: spending the money on a wedding and not having it for a nest egg, or NOT having the wedding, but having the money for something else? Look at the pros and cons for each decision and evaluate it realistically. What type of people are you both? Are you more likely to regret missing out on a once-in-a-lifetime moment, or are you more likely to regret spending the money on something non-essential?

If it helps to hear other people's experiences, here's mine. I'm a very practical person and I don't generally like to splurge on anything, HOWEVER, I also prefer to do things once and to do them right. When faced with the decision of whether to spend (to me) a lot of money on a wedding or to save it for the future, I chose to do the wedding. That didn't mean that I was willing to go all-out and jeopardize our futures, however - we had 75 guests at our wedding and spent under 20K (I realize that's a high budget for some areas, but it's super-low for where I live). My rationale was that we can always make more money, but we only get to get married once. I felt that it was worth celebrating, but I wasn't willing to end up in the poor house in order to do it.

I would also consider your situation in life. Are you young and broke, or are you professionals with good salaries? If you struggle to save a couple hundred dollars every year and never seem to get ahead, this gift might be a good opportunity for you to get some money into the bank. If, on the other hand, you're good at saving on your own and make enough to put some away regularly, you might feel comfortable putting the gift money towards your wedding and just saving yourself for the future. Also consider your priorities for the next few years: do you want to buy a house right away, pay off some debt, start a family soon? Take all that into consideration when you make your choice.

And don't forget about Option C: putting half the money towards the wedding and the other half into savings.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 17, 2009 11:30 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I want to echo what Artbride said. We also chose to put our money towards our wedding knowing that we'd always make money to save..and we knew we'd also get a nice chunk as gifts to put towards a house. So we made back about what we put in, and used it for a down payment. Granted it wasn't the hugest down payment on Earth but it helped and now we have a house. (well a semi-small town house LOL)

Anyway I think it's just important to decide what is going to make you happy. You should feel lucky to have $ from people that don't care what you do with it. Sometimes people are told they can ONLY plan a wedding with it or ONLY buy a house with it.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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ToniZilla Posts : 4 Registered: 12/16/09
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 18, 2009 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Thank you all for your replies....
My point was really that we WERE planning a 2012 wedding....with everything, all the fixings! ha ha, the kleinfeld dress, the big expensive hall, the flowers of my choosing, etc.
But there's been so much crazyness my family finds a way to ruin every special occasion of mine....so now we're facing a possible move out of state and we've had to move the wedding up.... and that part is a definite. I have a date posted here, but its nowhere near 100% just yet.
So I was confused on what to do....would it be the "smart" or "right" thing to do if we just took the money and skipped the wedding .
sigh Just thinking thinking thinking. :)

Edited by: ToniZilla on Dec 18, 2009 5:07 PM

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: No idea what to do...
Posted: Dec 19, 2009 12:22 PM Go to message in response to: ToniZilla

The fact that you were initially planning something else is irrelevant to your decision now. The fact that you're pushing your wedding up is irrelevant to this decision (though frankly, if the date on your profile is remotely accurate, you still have nearly two years, so there's still no need to make a decision now). The family drama, while regretable, also doesn't change the decision you need to make. Regardless of all this stuff, your question is the same: should I skip the wedding and use the money for something else, or should I spend it all on the wedding?

My answer is still the same, so refer to my earlier post on this thread. You need to consider your overall situation in life, and also your personality. Will you struggle financially without this money? If so, it would be stupid to blow it all now. If not, then do whatever you want with it. Which will you regret more in 10, 20, or 30 years: spending a large gift on a non-essential, or not celebrating a once-in-a-lifetime event?

As I mentioned above, I chose to spend a good deal (to me) of money on our wedding rather than saving it for the future. I reasoned that we can always make more money, but we'll only get married once. Nearly two years later, I have no regrets - BUT we are financially comfortable professionals. If we were young and broke or had trouble paying our bills I probably would have made a different decision.

Without knowing anything about your overall situation or the amount of money offered, my best advice is to compromise by saving half and spending the other half on the wedding. You may have to compromise on your dream wedding, but that's life. Many people have beautiful weddings on low budgets. You do not have to chose between City Hall with no fuss and a 50K wedding.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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