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MLNichols Posts : 5 Registered: 10/5/09
Suspicious
Posted: Dec 13, 2009 11:05 PM

Lately my fiance has been acting very strange. Earlier this week he came home and said that one of his friends had written "mine" on his hand. He also has been extremely secretive lately. He hides his phone or closes out of his facebook chat or his messenger everytime I walk in the room. He lies about who he is spending time with. Also lately he has been calling late at night and seeing if I'm ok with him spending the night at a "buddies" house but refuses to tell me which friend. Am I possibly over reacting or should I be doing more?

utah , december_2010
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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,593 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 13, 2009 11:24 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

You should be doing more. Sounds like hes up to no good ...these are THE classic signs of someone who is straying/having an affair.

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october_2006 , december_2010 , utah
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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 9:00 AM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

This is definitely supsicious activity. Sleeping out? My boyfriend has never slept at a friends house in the last 3 1/2 years that we've dated. If I were you, I would definitely talk to him about your concerns. There are more than enough weird antics that he has provided you with that would lead you to believe he is hiding something from you & not being one hundred percent honest with you. Whether it's another woman or just a friend, you have the right to know whats going on in your FutureHusband's life.

december_2010 , utah
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Hope23 Posts : 13 Registered: 12/10/09
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 9:18 AM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

I agree with JerseyGirl. This guy sounds like he is up to no good. There is no reason why he shouldn't provide you with the information you need when he sleeps out ex. Where is he staying and who he is with?. These are simple answers and being your FH he should be completely honest and forthright with you. Him dodging these questions is making him look very guilty.

canada , december_2010 , utah
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

Dear ML,

There's a lot I could say about couples counseling, etc., but from what you say it's pretty obvious. I'd dump him, if I were you.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 11:35 AM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

Nope, you're not overreacting. He's either cheating on you or doing something else that you wouldn't approve of (drugs, maybe?). My guess is that he's cheating - everything you've described is classic behavior.

Sounds like you need to have a talk with him. You're obviously not stupid, so it's a real shame that he's treating you like you are. As AOTB mentioned, you could go the route of counseling if you feel like you could forgive him and ever trust him again, but my vote's for dumping him. You deserve better.

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december_2010 , utah
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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

A good friend of mine (a guy) once told me that a faithful man would never deny you access to his myspace/facebook account or his cellphone. If he's hiding those from you, he's cheating.

Sound advice, I say.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 12:13 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

It's time to confront him and tell him what's up! Be firm and honest. Tell him that you want to know the truth! If all fails ask his friends if he really slept over their house. But I think he is cheating so I would get out out he relationship asap!
                           
  

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december_2010 , connecticut , october_2010 , utah
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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 1:51 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

I am so very sorry you are going through this! Trust your instincts, always. Deep down, you know there is something wrong. Be strong and confident and do what you need to do to find out what is going on. Try to stay calm and be smart. You will figure out if there is truth to your suspicion. And if there is, we will be here to help you figure out what to do next. I've been through this, so I know how horrible it is. Stay strong.

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december_2010 , north_carolina , utah
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MLNichols Posts : 5 Registered: 10/5/09
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 11:25 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I have tried talking to him about my suspicions but every time he either ignores my questions or gets mad. And I can't talk to his friends because he has never introduced me to them.

december_2010 , connecticut , october_2010 , utah
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 11:34 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

You're engaged to be married to this man, get ignored when you ask him questions and have never met his friends??

I think you need to get the hell out NOW. Kick him to the curb and move on.

He's cheating on you or something worse and you are worth more.

 

 

 

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,300 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 11:34 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

Well, his response in itself is suspicious. Cut your losses now and dump him. It sounds like he's got one foot out the door already, so why would you stick around for somebody who doesn't really want to be with you? Free yourself to go find someone who does and don't waste any more of your time on this guy.

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march_2008 , utah , southern_california , december_2010 , connecticut , october_2010
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 14, 2009 11:42 PM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

Dear ML,

D. U. M. P. H. I. M.

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mrscreamer2be Posts : 153 Registered: 6/14/09
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 15, 2009 12:22 AM Go to message in response to: MLNichols

I agree with everyone else here. it sounds like he is up to no good.You are worth so much more. When I look at marriage and my FH, I know that he is the man I want to spend the rest of our lives with. I trust him entirely and he trusts me the same. There are no secrets. He told me where he hid my Christmas gift, because he didn't want me to find it by accident. He trusts me. You don't trust your guy. He is keeping secrets from you. My fiance and I have lived together for almost 4 years. He has never spent the night at a "buddies" house. Only you can make the decision to leave him, but just think of what your future would be with this man.

december_2010 , march_2010 , connecticut , october_2010 , utah , southern_california
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Suspicious
Posted: Dec 15, 2009 8:57 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

You're engaged to be married to this man, get ignored when you ask him questions and have never met his friends??

PharmTox took the words right out of my mouth. Who the heck doesn't introduce their potential spouse to their friends (assuming they're local, which it sounds like they are)? Who ignores their fiance when confronted about strange behavior? Someone who has something to hide, that's who.

And I'm sorry, but this is probably going to sound meaner than I intend it: Did none of these things strike you as red flags before now? I understand that the hiding his phone, etc might be a new development, but it didn't seem odd to you that you're supposed to be marrying this guy, yet you've never met any of his friends?

Regardless of whether or not you should have seen this coming, though, the answer is the same. He's hiding something from you - and by the sound of it, he's hiding a LARGE part of his life from you. That's not normal. Get out.

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