Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?

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Geekluv Posts : 11 Registered: 12/9/09
Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 11, 2009 7:52 PM

I got engaged in November, and am currently planning on a wedding late in 2011. I am not officially choosing bridesmaids until about 5-6 months before the wedding (because who knows what can happen in over a year).

My friend Ashely is already hinting at wanting to be the MOH. Ashley thinks that she is my best friend even though this is not the case. At her best she is nice to hang out with for an evening at the bars or watching a movie, we do get along pretty well most of the time; but at her worst she is rude, forceful, demeaning, and demanding. When she discovered I was engaged the day after I was proposed to, she called me up and screamed bloody murder that she wasn't the first to know and that I owed it to her, which really killed her chance at being a bridesmaid at all. I do consider her to be a good friend, but I do not feel that I can trust her to behave appropriately as a MOH.

I have expressed to her that I'm not picking people yet, the wedding will be small so I won't be having more than 3 bridesmaids, when really pushed one evening on the subject that my roommate who has lived with me for the past 2 years (scheduled for 3) would make a great MOH because of a background in wedding coordination.

I am really not sure how to handle the situation, even if I keep telling her that I"m not picking anyone yet there will come a day when I'm going to have to flat out tell her.

Love isn't hopeless. Look, maybe I'm no expert on the subject, but there was one time I got it right. - Homer Simpson @}----

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 11, 2009 9:48 PM Go to message in response to: Geekluv

dear Geekluv,

One of the best ways to handle bad news is to use the Passive Voice. (Thanks Myra)

Avoid the use of the first person, "I" or "we".

"It's quite impossible"
"The bridesmaids have been chosen"
"The bridesmaids will not be chosen until next year"
"The decision has not yet been made"

I agree with you in that her demanding behavoir precludes her from being chosen as a bridesmaid. Believe me, you are doing yourself a huge favor by NOT asking her. Such a person would be nothing more than a headache during your planning process.

At such point you actually have your bridesmaids, and all have accepted, you will need to tell your friend. That's best done face to face, in private. Tell her that Susie, Jane and Marge will be your bridesmaids, and that the decision is final. Let her rant for a while, then just repeat. "The decision is final."

If she wants to continue to be a jerk, that just validates your decision even more.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 11, 2009 9:59 PM Go to message in response to: Geekluv

I think that you are absolutely right to not pick your WP until closer to your wedding.

You say you have subtly told your friend that you are waiting - how about telling her point blank.

If she continues to push, then tell her that you don't plan on having her in the WP.

The fact is, it's very rude of her to push the issue with you. Good luck.

 

 

 

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 11, 2009 10:13 PM Go to message in response to: Geekluv

I agree with Aunt 100%! Listen to your instinct. I personally think it would be a mistake to ask this lady to be a bridesmaid, much less MOH. But the great thing is, you have plenty of time to decide!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

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ICEStandard Posts : 34 Registered: 12/10/09
Re: Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 12, 2009 12:22 PM Go to message in response to: Geekluv

It's hard when you are picking your wedding party, because you know someone will get hurt. I think it's a great idea that you are waiting. If you decide on not picking your friend that is hinting around to be your MOH and she gets mad at you, then that is not a good friend. This is your day and your wedding. Go with your gutt feeling who should be your MOH.

www.icestandard.org

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 12, 2009 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: Geekluv

at her worst she is rude, forceful, demeaning, and demanding. When she discovered I was engaged the day after I was proposed to, she called me up and screamed bloody murder. . . . I do consider her to be a good friend, but I do not feel that I can trust her to behave appropriately

Ermm, YOU CHOOSE your friends--this one sounds kind of questionable to begin with. You might not even be friends at all by the time of the wedding if she continues this kind of behavior.

And even more important, YOU CHOOSE your wedding party. People do not have the right to choose themselves. Your reasons for your choices are your own (no explanation necessary, even if one is demanded). When you get to the time, don't even offer an explanation or bring up the topic. If she demands one,a handy passive voice,"The wedding party has been selected," will do.
"But, I thought I would be your MOH."
"I'm sorry, that is not possible."
"But, but. . ."
"I hope that you will be there as a guest and that you will be able to be happy for me.If not, I will miss you."

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: Very pushy friend wants to be MOH?
Posted: Dec 15, 2009 9:26 AM Go to message in response to: Geekluv

GeekLuv- this is totally your decision and you shouldn't feel pressured or guilty when selecting people to be involved in your wedding.
It sounds like Ashley isn't even a good friend. Like you mentioned earlier, who knows what can happen in a year? This Ashley character may not even be in your life in another year. Keep your cool, enjoy your engagement and don't worry about rushing into any decision making right now =) Congratulations!

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