Do you think I offended her??

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 12:00 AM

This has kind of been in the back of my head for a while but I just read Madre's post about her BIL and him planning the wedding for two weeks after hers and it got me thinking again.

My best friend...who I have been friends with for about 20 years...got engaged last February on valentines day. She called me that day super excited and asked me to be her maid of honor. Of course I said yes! They had been together about 2 years and he proposed with a huge diamond.

A month later my fiance proposed. Although we had been talking about marriage for a while (at the time we had been together for about 4 years)....it was a complete surprise to me. Of course one of my first phone calls was to my best friend. She seemed super excited and I asked her to be a bridesmaid ( I had already asked my sister to be my maid of honor). I planned my wedding for May and she chose August because she wanted a long engagement and she wasnt finishing her masters till May.

Now she is a really really sweet girl and would never say anything negative about anyone. But I guess I am a tad bit worried that maybe she feels like i stole her thunder or something. I mean she has never said anything, but then I think she is too nice to even mention it. I am just not sure if I did something wrong? I mean I do think maybe my best friend getting engaged gave my fiance a bit of a kick in the butt, but we had seriously been discussing marriage for at least 2 years. We were just waiting for him to finish school and get a job.

Did I do something wrong? Just for the record we will have very different guest lists so not too many people will be invited to both events. Should I try and talk to my best friend about it? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 12:30 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

If she came on here and said she was upset because her friend got engaged after her and planned her wedding for 3-4 months before hers - we'd tell her she was over-reacting.

So in my opinion, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. ;-) You are fine and did nothing wrong. I think the only thing I would suggest is to not 'borrow' any of her ideas...if that makes sense.

Good luck!

 

 

 

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 1:07 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

well we are going for two totally different types of weddings so that shouldn't be an issue. Mine is on the ocean and is a small beachy laid back wedding. Hers is a traditional church wedding with a ballroom reception. The only thing that freaked me out a bit was that at first glance our dresses looked a lot alike. Although I chose my dress first and even emailed her a pic so she knew what it looked like when she picked hers. After talking to my mom though she assured me that they had different fabrics and cuts so they weren't too much alike!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 1:25 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Zoe - Sounds like you are fine! Trust me. The other post you were referring to was 2 family weddings within a week of one another, which is rude IMHO. With very similar guest lists, that would be hard.

But you have different weddings, different guests and several months separating your weddings - sounds like it will be fine to me!

 

 

 

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 1:44 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thank you for the reassurance pharmtoxgirl. I am just a bit paranoid because I know that even if my best friend was annoyed about it, she would never say a word about it to me! Also, although we are both only 26, the majority of our mutual friends have already gotten married and we are considered the old maids of the group. I know that sounds ridiculous and that we are not old but thats just how we are viewed. We both made sure that we waited till we were ready for marriage and had found the right guy so I just don't want her to think that I stole her thunder or something!

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 9:13 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

I think you are just fine! There should not be a problem. My only advice to you is to make sure you are doing your job as her MOH and give her wedding attention too. It may be easy to accidentally talk about your wedding too much and that could make her feel weird.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 10:09 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

dear Zoe,

You own the day, not the week, not the month, not the year. I think you are fine.

Your friend has a legitimate reason for a long engagement. People with long engagements have to be prepared for the eventuality of others getting engaged, planning a wedding, then getting married within their engagement time.

You can't be expected to hold off your own engagement and marriage for MONTHS to suit your friend.

I'm sure she's OK with it, if she's a nice person. If she's not OK, she needs to get her priorities right.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 12:30 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

I think it's really sweet of you to be concerned, but I don't think it's a big deal at all. People get engaged, then married when the time is right for them. I know plenty of people who got engaged after I did, and will be married our are married before I am. It doesn't bother me because like your BFF's FH, I wanted to finish school first. If someone does have a problem with it, then that is something that they need to work out themselves.

Plus, May through August is definitly enough time in between the weddings. I think if they were within a month of eachother it might get hectic with all the different parties and last minute tasks, but still could be workable.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 1, 2009 1:49 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

I wouldn't worry about it, since she hasn't said anything. While some brides care deeply that they be the only person they know to get married in a certain year and would be offended by a scenario like the one you've described, there are many brides who wouldn't think twice about it. My BIL got married 6 weeks after we did, and it never occured to me to feel like my 'thunder was being stolen.'

If you're worried about it, just talk to your friend. Personally, however, I think you're borrowing trouble, since she hasn't indicated that it bothers her at all. She's probably just as happy as you are that you're both getting married and are able to participate in one another's weddings. If your wedding was the day before hers or something, you might offend her - but 3 months difference is very reasonable, even if you DID have common guests.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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Srramlal Posts : 15 Registered: 1/17/09
Re: Do you think I offended her??
Posted: Nov 29, 2009 12:27 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

The MOH issue wasn't addressed yet and I thought I'd just give you my thoughts on it. When my sister got married she was really torn between asking me or her best friend. I, of course, was honored that she chose to ask me, but I felt her delimma. She let her best friend know that if she didn't have a sister that her best friend would have been her choice. I plan to do the same when I eventually marry. If you are worried she felt slighted by the whole choice of MOH thing, you might do something to that effect. But, generally, I think best friends understand. I know I did when my best friend got married and her sister was her MOH.

I hope that wasn't worded too confusing!

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