Birth control problems!!!

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AshleeMSBride Posts : 2 Registered: 11/19/09
Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 28, 2009 8:07 PM

Ok... difficult birth comtrol question coming up

And by the way - I know that my views on this topic might be different from a lot of you guys', but I'm NOT trying to judge people or anything like that. I just really need some advice...

The thing is I'm getting married this summer, and we're bort virgins and will be until we get married. So now i'm just checking different birt control alternatives, and that is turning out to be horribly complicated!!

I've always said that I really do not want to take pills, because
a) I fear that all those hormones will mess up my body in all kinds of ways (I know way to many horror stories!)
b) The more I read about this, the more I realize that birth control pills do not just hinder fertilization, but they also make sure that fertilized embryos won't be able to get implantet in the uterus like it's supposed to, and will therefore be "flushed" out (in lack of a good word to use here..:P) sooo... that gives me a problem, considering the fact that i really would think of this as an abortion. (Now i KNOW a lot of people would disagree with me on this, but that's a whole other discussion, and I'd apprecate if we could just stick to the topic here :))

This problem seems to be the issue when it comes to most contraceptives by the way.

And then there's the condom... and of course we won't have the same issues by using that, but the problem is just that we really do feel like we won't be able to be completely intimate with each other when we have to "put something on" in order to have sex... get my point? It just seems a bit sad to me, never being able to be totally intimate.

so yeah...this freaks me out a lot. I seriously do not feel comfortable with any option at this point!
And I definately do not wish to get pregnant yet, and i just really hope that i/we will be able to find a good solution.

You girls have any wisdom to share with me on this??


WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 28, 2009 8:55 PM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

I think you need to educate yourself a little more about oral contraceptives, as you don't seem to have a very in depth understanding.

There are also other things, such as the diaphram (sp?), shot, mirena (you probably aren't a candidate though), patch, etc.


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 28, 2009 9:44 PM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

Dear Ashley,

I'm going to make a really really good suggestion.

Even if you are not yet sexually active, you should be seeing a gynecologist. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough for regular gyne appts.

Take your questions to your gynecologist. If the office is a busy one, you might consider getting an appt with a nurse practicioner in the gyne office. Many times NPs have more face time with patients.

Discuss your concerns with the MD or the NP. They should be able to give you medically accurate answers to your questions and recommend something based on your own needs, medical history and current examination.

Your questions are entirely valid. Don't feel you need to apologize. In my opinion, you simply need accurate answers to your valid questions.


AshleeMSBride Posts : 2 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 29, 2009 9:24 AM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

Thanks for all of your answers!

I am going to see a gynecologist, but I won't be able to do so until after christmas. so in the mean time, I'm just doing some reading on the subject to educate myself a bit more. and THAT'S when i read that in some cases birth control pills could actually lead to an abortion!

I did not believe this at first, since I've never heard anything like it before (but i do plan on asking my gynecologist just in case the information i've gotten elsewhere isn't correct!) the thing is just that what i read while looking up all kinds of birth control info, really freaked me out, because this was all new information to me. so i just had to post here to see if you guys knew of something i might have overlooked in my desperation. haha... I was really stressed out yesterday when i realized all of this, so that's why i posted...

but... i've been doing some more reading, and it seems to me that scientists just can't agree on the subject. some believe that fertilization can still happen, but the hormones will keep te embryo from being able to grow. Others say that fertilizartion just isn't possible! (except from the 0,3 % pregnacies per year from perfect use) so i don't know...


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 29, 2009 9:40 AM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

First off, I second AOTB's recommendation for you to see a gynecologist. All adult women, regardless of sexual history, should be seeing a gynecologist regularly for general health and cancer screenings. You should discuss birth control options with your doctor - he/she can inform you better (correctly) about how various BC options work. I'm not going to lecture you, but you are incorrect in the assumption that BC 'flushes out' fertilized embryos. Most hormonal BC works in two ways: 1) Prevents you from ovulating, and if there's no egg, there's nothing to fertilize, 2) The lining of your uterus will not build up enough for an embryo (if by some fluke occurence an egg is released and fertilized) to implant. This happens naturally sometimes as well and is NOT an abortion.

But if you are uncomfortable with hormonal birth control, you're uncomfortable with it. I know many women who prefer not to use hormonal birth control for various reasons. Again, you should talk this over with your doctor, but there are various non-hormonal options that you can look into, such as condoms, diaphrams, female condoms, spermacides, etc. Keep in mind that the effectiveness of these methods is generally less than hormonal BC.

Honestly, if your objections to hormonal BC are based on religious convictions, you should talk to your pastor. He/she can probably shed some light on what is recommended as suitable BC forms for someone with your beliefs. Women on a message board who do not share your beliefs can give you some ideas, but are not really the best resource. I'd talk to your pastor, or to other women who share the same belief system that you do.

You might want to look into Natural Family Planning (NFP). This is NOT the old-fashioned rhythm method, but a natural BC method based on knowing your own fertility signs and working around them. A friend of mine uses it because she can't take hormonal BC. Basically, the way it works is that you monitor your fertility signs (body temp, cervical mucus, and other signs) to determine when you are fertile. (In case you do not know, we only have a small window of fertility each cycle) You monitor your fertility signs and either abstain or use condoms during your fertile period. If you chose to use this method, do your research to make sure you're doing it right. A great book is called Taking Charge of your Fertility. Understand, as well, that this method is not fool-proof. You have to stay diligent and accept the possibility that your body may pull a fast one on you and you might ovulate early some month. That's why my friend is pregnant right now! Anyway, I think you should look into it. Based on your feelings on other BC methods, NFP might be a good option for you - maybe used on combination with condoms until you know that you've ovulated in a given cycle.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 29, 2009 11:02 AM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

Dear Ashlee,

Artbride's message was entirely accurate. Bally is also correct. BC pills prevent ovulation in the first place.

But, don't take it from us. Seriously, you need to have this discussion with your doctor or a nurse practicioner. There is a lot of misinformation on the Internet. Your medical care provider can give you accurate info that is best suited to your needs and your own medical situation.


brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 29, 2009 1:21 PM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

Hi Ashlee, I am just now starting on BC, after using condoms for several years. Like you, I had heard that BC pills prevent implantation but I had a long talk with my doctor when DH and I decided to go on the pill and she cleared up all of my misconceptions and laid out all of my options. I encourage you to talk to your doctor, they are probably the best person to give you the information you need.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 30, 2009 3:23 PM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

YEs I think you are misunderstanding some information about the pill. I have heard that if for some reason you DO ovulate while on the pill (missed a pill, fluke thing..etc) then the lining of the uterus is thinner, thus preventing implantation in some cases. It's really the same thing as the Plan B pill which is a stronger version of a BC pill which should amp up the hormones and prevent implanation. Further, as I am doing a lot of reading up on conception, a fetus is not a fetus until it implants. Also, up to 70% of "pregnancies" are chemical pregnancies, where there might be conception but nothing forms and it comes out as a period, and most women don't even know they were "chemically" pregnant. I just thought that was an interesting fact. So basically if it didn't implant, it's coming out as a period and you wouldn't even know the difference.

Also, I agree that the pill isnt for everyone, me included. In 8 years of taking various kinds I never found one that was a good fit for me. So I eventually quit and switched to condoms. For us, it's not a big deal. I've never felt "less" intimate and when you're comfortable enough w/ someone to have sex and marry them, stopping for a second to put something on is not a big deal.

Also I recommend trakcing your ovulation like Artbride suggested. I started to do this out of curiosity and DH and I know the "good" times to have sex unprotected and vice versa. (such as right after your period ends) So a condom isn't used 100% of the time. Your Dr will be able to answer more specific questions about all that. It took me a good 3 months of reading to grasp that whole thing! :)

I also have to add I know someone who has had personal experience with the actual abortion pill. Completely, 100% different animal than BC. Completely.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Nov 30, 2009 4:06 PM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

I agree with the ladies on here. It is best to talk to your doctor about this topic. Your doctor will inform you about the pill and also about many other ways of contraception that do not involve the pill. Don't believe everything you read online, there is no way that you can have an abortion while on the pill. The pill is meant so that the egg doesn't get fertilized. Now, some people CAN get pregnant while on the pill but only if they don't take the pill on time every day or if they are taking antibiodicts. I've been on the pill for 7 years and thankfully so far I have not had any problems. The only thing that happened to me was that I gained some weight with the pill. So talk to your doctor and then you can have your answers.

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mrscreamer2be Posts : 153 Registered: 6/14/09
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Dec 1, 2009 12:52 AM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

Educate yourself. FH and I decided to try NFP, like Artbride said. I have been on the pill for 5 years and I just never felt right. I just went off of it a few months ago and I'm starting to feel better. I'm not saying this might be your case, but research all options. Good luck to you


jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Birth control problems!!!
Posted: Sep 14, 2012 3:46 AM Go to message in response to: AshleeMSBride

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