Am I a horrible person?

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Oct 27, 2009 12:36 AM Go to message in response to: Hereshecomes

"Sure, I may not be able to provide a gift that is equal to or more than the amount of the per plate cost. But I can sure find something that I can afford. "

You're not a terrible person. I totally agree with Howard and AOTB. I would never go to a wedding empty-handed, and frankly, I would be hurt if someone did that to me. It's not the cost of the gift--really, it's the thought behind it that counts. There are very few people out there who truly can't afford anything, not even a beer bottle opener or a package of paper napkins!

So, I'm trying to come up with a reason for your family and friends thinking that they have to make these announcements to you. You've explained that your FH is always the 'giver." Maybe these people have been spoiled by that and expect always to be the 'takers." OR, giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they're wondering whether to accept the invite, because they're broke, and if you indicate that you're expecting a gift, they might beg off. That's pretty shallow, but it's all that I can think of. By the way, paying for someone else's gasoline is NOT another thing on your plate. It's on their plates. Either they'll come, or they won't. Time to stop spoiling them.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Oct 27, 2009 3:06 AM Go to message in response to: Hereshecomes

Honestly how well off you are or aren't shouldn't play into it. A card isn't going to break the bank for anyone, and it truely is the thought that counts. If they can't afford anything more then a card that's fine. If they can't afford to buy a card they can make one. I'm with a couple prior posters. I just don't get why they are announcing this

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MelMix Posts : 46 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Oct 30, 2009 11:26 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

As much is it poor etiquette to say "we're registered at such and such" on the invites, it is equally poor etiquette to tell a bride that she is not getting a gift. No one should place that kind of guilty feeling on a bride & groom. There's SO MANY ideas for a very affordable gift-or even offering to clean the house/house sit while a couple is away on a honeymoon, or offering to cook a meal, etc. Why not a special "gift certificate" to do a special favor?

Many of the best gifts I've received over the years were the ones that were well thought out. It's not likely to be remembered who got you the blender, slow cooker, etc.

Blessings to you and your FH. Try not to let the rudeness of others take away from your special day.

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"life is not a dress rehearsal, so live like it's showtime!"

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Hereshecomes Posts : 7 Registered: 10/26/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Nov 5, 2009 2:00 PM Go to message in response to: MelMix

Hi All!!!!

Much thanks to you and a little embarrassment to myself ---in the end the day was gorgeous!!! We had it outdoors at a park, pictures to follow soon. 81 degrees Nov 1st at the beach in Malibu!!! What a gift from God that was!! Best gift ever!

I have a husband and I am greatful to so many people.....come to find out the same people that are the elves (MASSIVE HELPERS) are asking us where are you registered.....my minister and friend Heather kept asking us this and we kept telling her ...you are marrying us for free.... you are making this possibly that is enough...she sent cash anyways! (are you kidding me?)

Our ceremony was no more then 7 minutes long...so we only had 15 chairs for "people in need" a few of the same relatives in their 20's no less sat down while a few healthy 80 year olds were making room for people in need.....funny we got it for them!!!

I didn't notice this till I saw the pics!

We had one card from 7 adults....yep a card 7 adults signed it ---and you guessed it ...they were also the chair sitters!

Most of the older people actually all no matter how dire gave us a little token very sweet and thoughful. One family in their 30's gave us a cash gift and 35- below NADA across the board....we are registered for our honeymoon at a ourwishingwell.com and most of the older folks are leery about the internet while others understood but didn't want to give the % fee to that company so gave us cash for what we wanted instead. So sweet.

But seriously who wants to tackle this one......I am a DOG lover no doubt about it, in fact they are on my stamps! But someone brought their dog! Also we had a few pockets of friends we choose not to invite because to keep it intimate well, we just had to....but one showed up with her child! ?
My day is over and wonderful but what is the ettiquette for that?!

Pics to follow in a week or so and thanks for all you advice!

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loveisjoy Posts : 85 Registered: 2/6/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Nov 6, 2009 12:34 PM Go to message in response to: Hereshecomes

I would not attend a wedding if I couldn't give a gift. I would send a gift later, but I wouldn't want someone to spend money for me to eat and then I don't have anything for them. This economy is bad, and I'm getting married next year, and I totally understand if people won't show up. I actually asked my bridal party can they afford to be in my wedding, because I know that times are tough, but they all said they can do it. So I pray that everything works out.



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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 11:46 AM Go to message in response to: loveisjoy

I think that unfortunately, there are just plenty of people out there who really don't "get" gift-giving.

Take my friend J for example. Every year for the last like, ten years, she has given me some sort of bath or body product for Christmas. And every year I smile and say "thank you". It's tedious, but I do it, because I know she just doesn't get it when it comes to getting gifts for people. There is a certain amount of creativity required for budget gift-giving, and some people just don't have it. When I give gift advice, some people are amazed.

For instance, Saturday I attended a wedding and my budget is soooo tiny right now it's ridiculous. However, I bought the bride and groom two new christmas ornaments (one of Peter Griffin from Family Guy, their favorite show, and one of a Dachsund, their dog), a pumpkin spice candle, and a smaller leaf candy dish from the clearance aisle at Kohls. In the card, I wrote, "For your first holiday season together as man and wife". Total cost: $10.

Some people just really and truly do not understand the idea of clearance shopping, or they think it's beneath them (don't get me started on that one), or they can't read sale ads (which arrive freaking WEEKLY), or a million other excuses.

I think it IS incredibly tacky and rude to not show up with a gift. I've always argued that, and you'll NEVER catch me going to a wedding without at least taking a card. However, not everyone is considerate or thoughtful and I think the best thing to do in this situation is just be gracious and be the bigger person. Saying something to any of them would only make you look like a diva.

And no, you're not a horrible person. I would not only be offended, but appalled as well.

My Planning Blog

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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: Hereshecomes

I'm very glad you had a beautiful wedding day! I can't wait to see the pics! :) As for the wedding crashers and the 7 people that all signed one card, just laugh and enjoy it as a memory of your day. :) Also think of the coordination and thought it must have taken for all 7 people to sign! Oh and at least the wedding crashers were people you knew rather then a bum off the street like read in someone elses after wedding journal! hehe

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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 1:29 PM Go to message in response to: dodgercpkl

der, i didn't see where you actually got married!! Congratulations!!! :)
My Planning Blog

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Am I a horrible person?
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 8:29 PM Go to message in response to: Hereshecomes

But someone brought their dog! Also we had a few pockets of friends we choose not to invite . . .but one showed up with her child! . . .what is the ettiquette for that?!

Someone brought their dog?! There is no etiquette for that, because I doubt that Emily Post or anyone else could even contemplate that one. It's certainly a first for me!

As for the party crasher, with or without child, that's just rude, and you would have been well within your rights to ask the crasher to leave (but you probably didn't do that). At least you could have charged her for two extra dinners LOL!
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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