"real weddings"

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2dBride Posts : 158 Registered: 3/16/09
Re: "real weddings"
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 1:11 AM Go to message in response to: nicolefab

Just remember that these sites are advertiser-supported, and it is in their interest to feature expensive weddings that make money for their advertisers. Thinking that the featured weddings provide a realistic picture of what your wedding should be like is like thinking that models provide a realistic picture of what your body should be like.

And this is not to denigrate those that have large amounts of money to spend on their weddings--or for that matter, those who have bodies like models. It's only to say that we're not likely to see weddings on advertiser-supported sites that show what the average bride can afford, and we shouldn't get resentful if we can't have the types of weddings depicted on those sites.



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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: "real weddings"
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 1:15 AM Go to message in response to: LibranBride

I hesitate to even comment in this thread because I know I have a tendency of saying things which can be interpreted as rudely even though...I'm not trying to be.

But.

This issue really strikes home with me. Look, I get what all of you are saying, that the budget doesn't matter, and that the girls who have larger budget-weddings don't deserve to be picked on. Of course not.

All I'm going to say is that all of you should be extremely grateful, and try to have some compassion for the underdog here. I mean, not all of us are fortunate to have supportive families, or good-paying jobs, or even decent paying jobs. I have a college degree and own a business, but had to recently pick up a second, minimum wage job to survive in this economy. My family hasn't given me money since I was 16. I put myself through college and am under so much debt that the idea of saving is almost laughable and a $5,000 wedding sounds extravagant to me.

I don't begrudge any of you who had average or above-average weddings, but I do ask that you at least try to see how frustrating it can be for someone of very limited means to try to plan a nice event, when all around you it seems its so much easier for someone of more means.

I just witnessed this firsthand when last night I attended a wedding of a friend. It was about a 20k wedding, and for someone of Nowheresville, that IS an extremely expensive wedding. Of course I was truly happy for her and her new husband, and I did enjoy myself, but there was a tiny part of my brain that kept feeling sad knowing my wedding will never be what hers was. Maybe it IS jealousy, but it wasn't in mean-spiritedness.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that it's hard to plan a wedding on a seriously seriously tiny budget, and although I don't agree with insulting big-budget-brides, I do think a little compassion and understanding is in order here.

That is all. :)
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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: "real weddings"
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 9:02 AM Go to message in response to: ChelsRae85

Chels - I understand what you are saying. I can be frustrating to try to plan on a smaller budget. I get why it is frustrating to never see those weddings advertised. However, just as many of us would never comment on someone's small budget, I feel people should have the same respect and not comment on someone else's large budget.

 

 

P.O.O.P.E.R. - People Offended by Offended People Executive Recruiter

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: "real weddings"
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 11:23 AM Go to message in response to: ChelsRae85

Chels, you hit the nail on the head when you said "20K for a wedding in Nowheresville is extravagant". I think thats exactly the point some of us were trying to make. In NJ/NY area where I am from 20K is "average" to low depending on where exactly it's taking place. And again, it has nothing to do with any of us having money. It's just what things cost....and we probably make more on average. Not like i make a lot of money but statistically, it's true. So whereas someone in the mid west or a less populated area is paying $10K, and I'm paying $25K, it's probably the same type of wedding...its just that things cost more here. I would tell you what my property taxes and car insurance is per year but you'd probably faint!! gotta love NJ!!

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: "real weddings"
Posted: Nov 9, 2009 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: ChelsRae85

chels, i think that my point throughout this entire thread has been, I would never, ever make anyone feel badly because they don't have the money to spend on an expensive wedding, or choose not to spend their money on a big wedding. it is your perogative as a couple to do what you can and what you want.

on the flip side, i shouldn't be made to feel badly because i do have the money to spend and i choose to spend it on an elaborate wedding.

"Ok, Holy Moly! I haven't read my own thread in a looong time but now
I'm just amazed! At no point was I chastizing those with an unlimited
amount of money to spend or anyone with even a little more than me to
spend. I was only trying to get across that those of us spending under
10k would like to see options and pictures. Maybe I should have titled
this "Can I have ideas and pics that were under 10k?" Maybe that
wouldn't have offended anybody?

I would certainly love to have any budget other than mine for my
wedding and I love the things that many of you with more money than I
have done! I was in no way trying to demean you or tell you a better
way to spend your money (talk about people being offended by offended
people). Like I said, I just want to see a cheaper wedding (for lack of
a better/non-offensive word) depicted. Guess that's not going to happen
though since that doesn't sell magazines.

P/S- Those "Platinum Weddings" we see on T.V and in magazines are
overdone and overpriced. Very few aren't feeling economic crunch and I
think that spending $50,000 for a wedding is considered average is
strange!

P/S/S- I guess I'm just dissapointed that those fortunate enough have taken offense when they have so much!"

if you had simply said that you want to see options in all price points, that would have been one thing. but you insinuated that a wedding over $10,000 is not real. maybe it isn't real for you, but for some people, it is.

you then go on to say, after attempting to defend yourself and say that you weren't trying to offend, that you think spending $50,000 on a wedding is strange. do you not see how you are contradicting yourself?

as for your P/S/S, money is not armor against insults.

i think everyone involved in this thread has been very civil and understanding of everyone's points. it seems as though you are really the only one offended by other people's point of views...

Proud Member of P.O.O.P - People Offended by Offended People


Edited by: EWF on Nov 9, 2009 11:38 AM

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delmarplatinumb... Posts : 33 Registered: 5/29/09
Re: "real weddings"
Posted: Nov 27, 2009 6:50 PM Go to message in response to: nicolefab

i will be honest and say something that isnt popular. These "real weddings" that magazines feature, the reason they feature them is because it is what people want to see. People want to see the fantasy. That is what sells magazines. Think about it, look at all the fashion magazines. They are featuring clothes that most people will not be able to afford, on models that most people will never look like. People do not want to see normal or average things in magazines.

I mean, they say real weddings because they are real people gettting married, not just a staged photoshoot. Also, you bet that those people still had to stick to a budget no matter how much money they had because you always want more. Besides, most of the pictures and feature is to serve as inspiration for your own, whatever budget that may be. Lets be honest here, its not as fun looking at bridal magazines and see a $3k wedding. You want to see the beautiful garden location with lush flowers and a beautiful gown.

Also, every wedding is real to the people getting married, wether your budget is $3k or $300k. And what is a real to budget to some is out of reach for others. It depends on the area, your place in life, career point, ect. Also, there is plenty of sites and forums to help the budget consious bride. It gives you ideas for DIY projects. However, the ads are the ones that pay for such sites and magazines, so of course the magazines will push that product.

For some regions and families, a $25k wedding is the norm, for some $5k, for some $100k, it doesnt make any of them ridiculous. It is what the people that are throwing the wedding is comfortable with spending. None are wrong and none is better than the other. Having a $100k wedding does not make one better or proving their love more than the $5k wedding. On the otherhand, having a $5k wedding does not mean you are better than the $100k wedding. It does not mean that your love will last longer or your relationship is better. It just means the 2 throwing the wedding is at different social economic statues. None better or worse than the other.

However, if you really need to be technical, one does not need a wedding at all to get married. you can just spend $50 at the court house and be married. No one needs to have a wedding at all to be married. A wedding is a luxury no matter at what price point. Even if your budget is at $2k you are still spending $2k for one day. Spending money on a dress you wear once, spending money on flowers that will die in a few days. You are hiring a photographer when a person and a camera can do it. Any amount you spend can essentially be spent somewhere else. Donating the amount to charity, to those less fortunate. Now Im not saying one should forgo a wedding. I am just saying that a wedding is a luxury no matter what price you are working at.

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