PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!

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sunkissdluster Posts : 8 Registered: 2/5/07
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Aug 24, 2009 2:53 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

That's me! Though DF and I have been together going on 3 years now and we KNOW we are going to get married, no ring yet! We are waiting for me to finish my Bachelors because my parents have agreed to give us a down payment on a house then! Plus my man is now in a real, high-paying career, and is finally able to save tons so we can travel when I get out of school! We have our colors picked and all of those details... just no ring and no date!

It is so hard to wait but I know it will be worth it in the end when we can buy our first home and start traveling as soon as the ring comes on!

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silentmarilyn Posts : 1 Registered: 8/25/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Aug 25, 2009 8:00 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

Sooo awful....

We've been dating for 5 years, talking about marriage for 4. I'm 23, he's 25. We're both out of college and have jobs. He HAS A RING that I picked out (estate ring, i adore it) and that he paid for in full. That was last May. Still no proposal.

He tells me almost every day how much he loves me and wants to marry me. He's been saying this for years. Before we had legitimate reasons to wait (finish school, get jobs, etc.). But after about a year out of college (and secretly waiting for a proposal that never came) I finally asked him about it. He tells me all positive things, like he wants to get engaged, he wants to marry me, he doesn't know WHY he hasn't done it yet, etc. I say, you know, we've been dating a long time. I need to know that you are serious about commiting to me by your actions and not just by your words.

So I give him a year to think about it and decide whether he wants to be engaged, and that by next spring (2009) we either need to be engaged or re-think our relationship.

So this may, we talk and he assures me he still wants to get married, be engaged, etc. But he doesn't know anything about rings. Fair enough. I teach him about rings (which btw, i didn't know much about either, but hello... google...) I actually find an estate ring online that I like. We go to see it. He purchases, and I think, "Yay, FINALLY, he's serious about this!"

End of spring comes and goes. It's now almost September, and still no proposal. I feel like an idiot, and it's awkward with our families, who know that we are serious about each other. It's difficult to talk wedding when you don't have a ring on your finger. I feel humiliated that I got my hopes up. I just don't understand what he's waiting for. And also, I feel like a doormat, because I said that we needed to be engaged by spring, and we didn't get engaged, and I'm still with him.

He knows I'm frustrated. He doesn't know why he hasn't proposed yet, he keeps apologizing for screwing things up, but nothings changed. I feel humiliated and rejected. I've made a big effort to tell him how I feel without being nagging or demanding. The thing is, if he didn't keep stringing me along, it'd be fine. LIke, if he's not ready to get engaged/be married, that is totally understandable. Just be upfront about it. Don't tell me you want these things and then never take any action.

Advice??

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juicygirl16 Posts : 49 Registered: 8/30/08
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Aug 27, 2009 9:31 AM Go to message in response to: silentmarilyn

First of all, don't feel humiliated! Your concerns are completely valid, and I think a lot of girls would feel the same as you if placed in your situation, I know I would!

My guess is that he wants the proposal to be a big deal, but perhaps he hasn't come up with any ideas that he thinks are good enough for you (by that I mean, he thinks you deserves something pretty awesome and he's not satisfied with any of his ideas). He probably also doesn't want to just propose because it needs to be done. He wants to make it special.

It sounds like he's not going anywhere and really does love you and want to be with you-he DID buy the ring! On the other hand, I totally understand your frustration!!!

My advice is don't give up on him, but don't make him any more antsy than he already is. If he sees you calm, he might calm down, too. But don't be afraid to make a lighthearted joke when the topic of weddings come up, so that he knows you're still waiting without making things awkward.

Hang in there!!!!

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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Aug 27, 2009 10:10 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

My fiance and I had talked marriage for about a yr. before he actually proposed. It was funny because about 6 months before he proposed we were at a wedding and people kept asking "so, when are you two going to finally get married and he said "probably within a yr, yr and a half". I thought, wtf? He hasn't asked yet he's already saying this!!! It was a total tease.

Funny thing is, our wedding date is just shy of a yr. and a half from that wedding!!! He asked my father for my hand (my family is old fashioned...we came from Greece when I was younger) last October. My silly dad told me!!! I said to him "ok, you better not spoil any more surprises." I was bummed my dad said something to me bc it made me antsy trying to figure out when it would happen! He didn't propose until January.

Until that day I kept thinking "did he change his mind?" lol Well it so happened that he wanted to get me the perfect ring and he had it custom made (pic in my profile) and he also wanted my kids' permission (I have children from my first marriage). Kids were in on the whole thing and they knew he got a ring and was going to propose weeks before it happened and they kept it a secret!!!

Just be patient, which is easier said than done, especially since I went through that! Good luck and you will appreciate the wait....one day ;-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

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Nightingale914 Posts : 1 Registered: 11/1/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 2, 2009 4:25 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

I know how you feel, I guess traditionaly we're going about it backwards, we started planning then bought a ring and yet, since its not official, i can't tell anyone and i'm dying to tell my mom. But he has a plan and a place all of which could happen in the next THREE months :) i might just explode from trying to keep it a secret but i don't want to ruin his surprize and when i tell my mom i want to be able to show her the ring and tell her how he proposed. I keep telling myself patience is a virtue

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misslavender Posts : 4 Registered: 10/12/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 2, 2009 7:24 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

OMG. I thought I was the only one who was doing this. I am glad that I am not crazy (even though all my friends think I am). My boyfriend is very shy and non emotional too, and says he is going to surprise me, but I am super nosey and always expecting a surprise so I cant imagine what he is going to do. We have been talking about getting married for a while and I am sick of feel like im just waiting around. So i decided that im gona start organizing my ideas and find out what my budget is going to be, because face it guys dont know how much weddings cost, how long they take to plan, or how many important details go into planning our dream. which some of the things are going to work out in my favor cuz he is oblivious! So girly dont feel like a loser, he's gona ask ya eventually and then all the single ladies that dont have a guy (as good as ours are im sure!) are gona feel like losers. HAHAH JK im kinda mean.

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ashleynandy Posts : 1 Registered: 5/28/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 2, 2009 9:35 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

I am in the same situation that you are, my FH is the same way that your's is. He wants to be able to go into the jewelry store and lay down the money and walk out with my ring. I do get to pick my ring out so I get to see it.. the fun part is that I don't know when I will get it or how he will ask or anything like that! He just wants to make sure that it is what I want and what I am happy with.

I have started looking on the internet at dresses, colors, invites, wedding party, cakes and all that. We even know about when we are getting married, its looking around October of like 2012. He is in the army and is being deployed for a year next fall. I do know that I get my ring after he gets home though, but like I said I just don't know when!! :) But congrats on being "unofficially engaged".. you've joined a fun group of people..

-Future Mrs. SGT Andrew Petree

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Awaitng Posts : 3 Registered: 6/19/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 4, 2009 8:41 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

I am in the same situation still no ring, but we are talking about marriage. I have color schemes locations dates just waiting for him to pop the question. He is so secretive and loves the element of surprise he has not told me anything.

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InLoveInWilming... Posts : 1 Registered: 11/4/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 4, 2009 10:55 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

Don't worry, you're definitely not alone!!! I've been with him for 8 years...we just started seriously looking at rings...Each special event I think it's gonna happen, and then, nope not yet. Possibly Thanksgiving?? We'll see:)

Kiss

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NoseInTheGrass Posts : 31 Registered: 11/1/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 5, 2009 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

I"ve been planning my wedding for months. HE'll probably ask me this winter though. He's already got the ring picked out, just has to pay for it. Lucky for him I don't want a crazy expensive ring!!
Sometimes I wake up with my nose in the grass.

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Mattel Posts : 3 Registered: 11/5/09
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 5, 2009 9:10 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDRM

I'm in the EXACT position. I even already asked two bridesmaids! LOL. We've talked about everything from date to wedding party to food to catering to honeymoon... you name it. He's even looked at dresses online with me so I have an idea of what he would like to see me in. I've found our florist and our DJ. SOme of my friends pick on me because we aren't engaged yet, but we both know it's coming in the next couple weeks, so why not get a head start!! :)

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VintageBride143 Posts : 7 Registered: 9/27/08
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 8, 2009 2:23 PM Go to message in response to: Mattel

Could I get some input from you ladies please.....

I've been with my bf for a little over 4 years. Two years into our relationship he bought me a promise ring & we've always known that we want to eventually get married. We don't live together and we come from traditional style families. Heres the thing...right now he's working (owns his own buisness) and I'm working full time, but I always wanted to become a nurse so I want to go to a 4 year college and get my BSN. (This is my first semister as an adult student-full time day) One day we're talking about our relationship (I would never push or pressure him into poping the question) and we get on the topic of marriage. He ends up telling me that he would have proposed years ago but has been putting it off b/c I dont have a "Career". I have a full time JOB mind you. Well I said, what do you mean? He knows I've always wanted to be a nurse and I've been working in order to put myself through school....well. He says he cant PROPOSE until I have a career. He says, "You can't be engaged on one income in this society". Now...really, in this society, I believe its a struggle to be married on one income (that I DO believe in) But getting engaged in another story. Now this all seems a little strange to me..we've been together 4 years and according to him its going to be another 4 before he even proposes because by then i'll have a career. What do you ladies think about this!?

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VintageBride143 Posts : 7 Registered: 9/27/08
Re: PLLLLLEASSEE tell me youre in the same situation as me!
Posted: Nov 8, 2009 2:28 PM Go to message in response to: VintageBride143

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Edited by: VintageBride143 on Nov 8, 2009 2:29 PM

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