Too Young? Observations welcome

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minobot Posts : 11 Registered: 8/27/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Sep 6, 2009 1:14 AM Go to message in response to: JessicaLong

I'm 21, my FH is 26. we're getting married in 108 days.
before we were engaged, actually almost a year before, we had a long talk about marriage and commitment and the lives of people we know who have been married a long time, and also people we know who have been divorced. we both agreed that if either of us got married, we wouldn't want to get divorced for any reason apart from infidelity.
we've known each other since i was 17, and we've both grown a lot since then. and we both know that we're not finished learning and changing. but now, we're going to be growing and changing together.
you are the only one who can know if you are ready to make the marriage commitment - you're an adult, and it's your life.
December 23, 2009 = No More Goodbyes

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MissApril Posts : 276 Registered: 1/21/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 5:32 PM Go to message in response to: minobot

Who says you gotta sit at home all night just because you're married? FH and I party quite a bit and will continue to after marriage. We're both the same age as OP and like alot of younger couples, are opting for a long engagement. We realize that we are going to continue to change but we feel that we are mature enough to handle it. (also mature enough to accept some pre-marital counceling) As far as a promise ring goes... eh, it was never really my thing. So is 21 too young to be engaged? Absolutely not. Just realize that you need to expect the unexpected (to paraphrase my wise elders).
CoolStick your head out the window and smile for a satellite picture!Tongue out

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tellyy Posts : 27 Registered: 10/31/06
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 8:17 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

i also agreed long engagemets is pointless.matter of fact it should be no such thing. but it is. you either get engaged and get married,or don't get engaged and not get married. and that's right to the point.

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calalily13 Posts : 25 Registered: 10/8/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Oct 18, 2009 1:38 AM Go to message in response to: FutureLadyinWhite

I am 21 soon 22 and my boyfriend is the same age. We have dated for nearly 5 years (Dec), since we were juniors in high school and have dated frequently before we met. We realized then that we were meant to be together. We have been through several things during our relationships--I went across country to college (so we have lived apart and survived a long distance relationship), he nearly died and was paralyzed for almost a year (I took care of him and did all I could to sleep by his side in the hospital while completing my work for college and keeping up with classes), and my problems with depression from memories of an abusive ex. All of our family and friends know how in love we are and they even admit that we are meant for eachother. We are going to get engaged soon (when he saves for the ring) and there have been some people that believe we are too young to get engaged, but we arent going to get married until about 25. I think that if you have gone through a lot of traumatic situations as a couple and came out the other side stronger than ever, then you are not too young, but otherwise I kind of agree that 21 is a bit too young to be married, but not necessarily engaged.

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chicochik Posts : 236 Registered: 10/16/08
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Oct 22, 2009 3:40 AM Go to message in response to: calalily13

I was too lazy to read the whole post, so this is just a reply to the op. lol :).

I actually don't have an opinion, but I do have an experience.

I was engaged young and so happy about it. We were going to wait until I finished collage, and FH did not intend to go to school. I was excited to look at wedding stuff and talk about our future. I loved every minute of it, I spent hours a day here. We were just so in love, and really couldn't even think how to love each other any more, we were going to get married!

But, being engaged and going to school was diffucult, I found wedding stuff more interesting than school work. But that was not the downfall of my enagement. Being engaged puts certain pressures on your relationship. We had been together for 2 years when we got enagaged and we thought we were ready- to at least be engaged. The pressures of being mature and responsible and coming up with money for a wedding were alot to handle. I'm not saying your relationship can't handle them, but mine couldn't. We broke up for a few weeks just to gather our thoughts and our personal dreams, goals, aspirations. After a few weeks, we realized that we still want to be together. We decided to sell my engagment ring and go on a trip, live. We just want to live. Being engaged is very exciting, but stressful. Don't do it unless you are prepared. Enjoy eachother, then when you really are ready, get engaged.

Our three year anniversary is coming up, and I'm being bad and looking at wedding dresses instead of studying again;) But I think next time I will get that ring, I'll be older and really ready.

Point of story. Don't put your relationship in a situation that may cause it more stress than needed. Wait a couple of years. Be so sure. I'm so lucky I still have my relationship- being engaged young and going to be for a long time almost ruined it.

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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Oct 22, 2009 6:09 AM Go to message in response to: SourPeaches

I very much agree with you Peaches. Great point! :)

I do agree that people do alot of changing during their 20's... I know I did, but I also know that my mom was only about 20 or 21 when she got married to my dad and they'd only dated for 7 months most of which was long distance. They are still happily married today and they are very much a big part of my outlook on married life. Growing up in a different era doesn't necessarily mean that their story isn't a valid example or that that kind of thing can never happen. Yes times and circumstances can mold (to a point) who we are, but that doesn't mean there aren't exceptions to the rule. I'm 34 now and as I was growing up, I was the only virgin among my friends and I stayed that way. My parents were one of the VERY few couples that weren't divorced among my friendset. I didn't smoke, drink or do drugs even in the face of a society where ALL of this was against the norm. Some might call me a throwback of a different generation for the choices I've made. But I made those choices, I stuck by them, I defended them. That has to do with character and very much with personal choice.

I'm glad I made those choices and I will say that I'm glad it took me this long to find my FH. But then part of that gladness has to do with the fact that I'm 6 years older then him!!! :P If I'd been engaged at 21 it would have been (for me) to the wrong person!!

21 to me isn't too young for an engagement, but I'll qualify that by saying that it depends on the persons involved. If you feel you are ready and your boyfriend does too then that's what really matters. It might be that in your long engagement, you find that you aren't suited and it might hurt, but keep in mind that the same thing has happened to people in their 30's and up as well. People change and grow their entire life. The biggest question (and one that no one has the answer to) is whether the future will see you changing together or growing apart. On that only time can tell.

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hipfin Posts : 16 Registered: 10/26/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Oct 28, 2009 9:44 PM Go to message in response to: dodgercpkl

Well, this is my first post and I think this is a great one for me seeing as I am 22 with a FH that is 23 and we are recently engaged. Going to pick up my ring tomorrow!! :)
I think that living together first is a big step. And something you should do before you start planning. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half years. We both are done with school and have careers. We both make good money and are finincially stable and have recently bought a house together.
Everyone in my family was always asking "When is the wedding, what is he waiting for?!" So when I tell them tomorrow that we are oficially engaged, I know they will be nothing but happy for me.
I understand that we al grow between our age and 26, but sometimes I don't know how much it has to do with age. My mom cuts out wedding dresses from magazines for me already, and my dad calls Ian his son-in-law already, so the shock factor is not a worry.
Although we "waited" 5.5 years to get engaged, we wanted to wait until we truley lived together. Paid bills together had both of our names on things. And when we were able to do this with little disagreements, that is when we knew, we can spend the rest of our lives together. And he went out and bought a ring.
I guess all i'm saying is def. do you first and figure yourself out without another half, and then live together, and figure yourself out WITH another half. And that'll tell you if this is right. I'm sure you already know if it's right, but that is just my opinion!
Congrats on the engagement by the way! lol
<3 Ian

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misslavender Posts : 4 Registered: 10/12/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Nov 3, 2009 7:41 PM Go to message in response to: FutureLadyinWhite

I am kinda young and I am hoping to be married soon as well, but I still kinda think 21 is young. I am not the same person I was 21 and I am only 24. I would just wait a little bit longer so you guys can learn a little bit more about yourselves and eachother....


Edited by: misslavender on Nov 3, 2009 7:43 PM

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MissApril Posts : 276 Registered: 1/21/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Nov 3, 2009 11:13 PM Go to message in response to: misslavender

Interestingly enough... My BF and I are no longer engaged. Or at least I don't feel like we are. Too much is going on, too many places for money to go before the wedding. Then there's the general not ready-ness. (please excuse my English. I was hit in the head with a semi truck. I'm trying, though). So lately I've been thinking 21 is too young. But that's just me right now. I might change my mind next week.
Life happens! I'm no longer WaitingForApril2010

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lesasue86 Posts : 75 Registered: 9/8/09
Re: Too Young? Observations welcome
Posted: Nov 11, 2009 5:29 AM Go to message in response to: FutureLadyinWhite

Knowing eachother for such a long time means you guys know each other pretty well. So if there is a age gap between you guys then its okay.


Edited by: lesasue86 on Nov 11, 2009 5:32 AM

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