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Young and engaged

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 854 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 5, 2009 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

I am going to basically just give my 2 cents and it's going to be based on personal experience.

I met my boyfriend when I was 18. We fell for eachother hard and fast. A few months into our first year of University we were already talking about marraige. We were talking about the future all the time, it's all we could talk about it!

In fact, we completely stopped living in the present and we were always just dreaming about the future. It was a complete fairytale in our minds.

One day, it was almost at the same moment...both of us stopped and realized that we had nothing left to plan. We had planned our entire future. We had nothing in our present. We decided to step back and logically evaluate the situation.

Did we want to be married in University? No.
Were we finanically stable enough to get married? No.
Did we know where we were headed in life? No.
DId we know who we wanted to spend our lives with? Yes.

This was about 6 months ago.

The amount that the two have us have changed in the past 6 months is amazing.
The second we stopped living in the future and started living in the moment we grew so much. We have grown seperately and together.

I have new goals and new ambitions and so does he. Sometimes they aren't very complimentary towards one another, but we roll with it as we go. We know we have a lot harder times ahead of us as far as where our lives are going but we are determined to make sure it works together. Do I know that we will be happy together forever? No. But we are sure going try to make it happen. What I do know is that I am an extremely happy 20 year old right now.

You need to do the same. You need to stop day dreaming about possibly getting married in 3 years. You are going to change so much. He is going to change so much. Hopefully you guys will grow up compatibly, but that doesn't always happen.

You can't make this committment at such a young age. Life at this point is too unpredictable.

If you are so committed to eachother, you can wait until after he gets back to get married.

I understand the rush and excitement of falling in love...but over the years you will have a different kind of love for eachother.

Go out. Live your young life. Learn what kind of life you want to lead. It can't just be his wife. Find what role you want in the world apart from that. Then in a few years, if you guys are still compatibly and committed...then you can make the decision.

That's my advice.

Edited by: BrighterThanSunshine on Oct 5, 2009 12:32 PM

april_2012 , illinois_chicago
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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 5, 2009 2:25 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

Rush right in, girl. Being married is so super fun. It's like the easiest thing ever. I mean, you get to wake up in each other's arms, have sex whenever you want, however many times you want, wherever you want. Even on the kitchen counter. Once you're married, you NEVER have to worry about money b/c you have 2 incomes. Also when you are married, you just agree on everything. There is never any fighting or arguing b/c you are MARRIED now. So magically everything just works out like a fairytale. And since he is "the one" you never, ever will ever think about another man in a sexual way b/c once you are married, that part of your brain shuts off.

And college---pashaw--who needs college? There are plenty of high paying jobs for people with no degree.

Believe me, All You Need Is Love.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

april_2012 , october_2008 , illinois_chicago , central_new_jersey
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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 5, 2009 5:31 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

Hi. I'll be blunt. You are 16. You are too young. Wait. When you are 16, you think you know everything and are ready to take on the world. I'm not trying to put you down, I know I was the same way. The thing is, you aren't ready. You are still a kid, you need the chance to learn and grow and develop as a person. You are not ready at 16 (no one is) to run a household or take care of the kids that will come along. He won't be ready at 19 and you may not be ready at 25. Take it slow and easy. If you two are meant to be, there is no need to get to the talk of marriage yet. My DH and I started dating at 17. We started talking marriage at 20-21 and we weren't ready then either. You guys will be fine if you wait.

That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. Innocent

Proud Member of P.O.O.P - People Offended by Offended People

april_2012 , october_2008 , caribbean , illinois_chicago , central_new_jersey
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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 5, 2009 7:03 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

You have your wedding date as April 2012 so you will 18 by the time you get married, right? I personally think 18 is very young to get married. I really think 16 is too young to even think about getting married. You have your whole life ahead of you... so much to do and see. Listen to the wise advice these other brides have given you. They would not tell you wrong.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

april_2012 , north_carolina , illinois_chicago
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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 8:57 AM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

I understand what you're saying & this whole military thing does throw a kink into things but please don't get married because of a situation. The situation makes sense, I agree, however it's the rest fo your life that you have to think about. The year that he is gone is just one year in your life. In my personal opinion, you're too young to get married & the two of you may need to experience a year separated. Wait & see how the long-distance relationship works. If things are great when he gets back, then that is another experience that you two have shared. I wouldn't rush into anything too quickly. Goodluck with whatever you decide to do, I wish you nothing but the best! Cheers!

april_2012 , illinois_chicago
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Tofu Posts : 66 Registered: 4/2/09
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 11:53 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

When I was in high school one of my closest friends thought every guy she dated (and there were lots!) was "the one." Had she rushed into marriage with any one of those guys, it would have been a mistake. She is 23 now, not yet engaged, still looking for the one, but fortunately, not married to the wrong person. It's easy to think that an amazing relationship will lead to marriage. Maybe it will. But at 16 in a 3 month relationship it is just too soon to tell. When I was 16 I had been dating my boyfriend (now fiance) for over a year and I still didn't know! I don't think I knew until I was 18 or so, dating for 3 years by that time. If what you have is amazing (and I assume it is if you are thinking about marriage), then enjoy your life together, and even discuss your future, but definitely hold off on the marriage for a couple of years. If you weigh the pros and cons, I have a hard time believing that the pros of marriage would outweigh the cons at this stage in your life.



Cool

april_2012 , canada , illinois_chicago
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Kimberly212 Posts : 2,211 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Sep 27, 2012 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

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ares Posts : 1,229 Registered: 7/23/12
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 16, 2012 10:47 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

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Catherine88 Posts : 740 Registered: 7/26/12
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 17, 2012 11:45 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

If you want to get married,you have to consider many factors, based on feelings, family factors, environmental factors, material conditions, if everything is ripe, you can get married!Good luck!

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ares Posts : 1,229 Registered: 7/23/12
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 18, 2012 9:34 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

Want to buy the most beautiful wedding dresses ? Want to buy the best quality wedding dresses? Want to buy the cheapest wedding dresses? What are you waiting for, go try here - www.yafex.com .Let the important day in your heart forever!

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ares Posts : 1,229 Registered: 7/23/12
Re: Young and engaged
Posted: Oct 21, 2012 9:53 PM Go to message in response to: Jeromysgirl

On the whole brides spend a long time looking for their Cheap Wedding Dresses because they want it to be perfect.They will search through as many dresses as they can possibly get their hands on in their quest to find the "one".For many brides they don't consider making the task a lot more easier by just looking at the Cheap Bridesmaid Dresses designers instead of hundreds of wedding dresses.Let the important day in your heart forever!

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