changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice

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MonaLisaRoyaleB... Posts : 79 Registered: 5/1/09
changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 12:58 PM

I have been trying to decide what to do on this. We just got married 10-17 and my husband's ex wife and I share the same first name.. when they divorced she did not go back to her maiden name due to the children. Technically there would be 2 of us with the same name now. My problem is this; she has very very bad credit, owes the IRS money etc, and I DO NOT want to be confused at all with this woman. I have been seeing problems when people hyphenate their name and don't know if I should keep my maiden name as my legal last name or hyphenate. My husband is perfectly understanding on this and will agree with whatever I choice I make. Any suggestions on this??


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 1:12 PM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

That is a difficult situation and I feel for you. A friend has the same name as her ex SIL and it creates problems.

I can tell you what I did - I kept my middle name and added my last name as a second middle name. So for firmal sigs, I use both middle initials.

Example - Maggie Lisa Simpson married Roger Homer - so her name was then Maggie Lisa Simpson Homer. Official signatures she would use Maggie L. S. Homer.

Again, I don't know if that will help you, but it's an option to consider.

Good luck!

PS While in general I don't like hyphenated last names (Personal Choice - I don't get nasty about it) - your reason for doing so makes absolute sense.

 

 

 

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 1:33 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I think Pharm has a good suggestion and that could take care of any legal mix-ups.

If you still consider hyphenating, I would take into consideration how long your names together will be. Personally, I think anything longer than 3 syllables is just too long & awkward, but that's a personal standard (and it's why I didn't hyphenate even though I would've preferred that). I don't know what other hyphenation problems you're referring to, but that's really the only one I see (other than your future children having to decide what to do with their names if you and hubby give them the hyphenated one--and in the end, that will be their problem anyway, not yours).

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crazey091909 Posts : 11 Registered: 2/6/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

My brother-in-law is getting married in November and his future wife and I will then have the same name. I considered hyphenating my last name (one because of having the same name and second because I love my last name!), but decided against it because of kids we will have and also because I already have two middle names and adding another would just make it too too long to write! We're using middle names to solve any of those problems since mine is Elizabeth and her's is Marie. I don't even have to use my second middle name since they are different. And when I sign things I have gotten in the habit of just signing things with my middle initial. Is that maybe a possibility for you?

In the end I think whatever you do will work out...

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 3:14 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

Hmm, if it were me, I think I'd hyphenate or keep my own last name. I'm still in the (everlasting?) process of changing my name, but I think I'd be worried about getting confused with the ex even if I generally went by my full name (Karebeartg OldLast Newlast). I changed my name to that and have told every company that, but it seems like every new card I get has interpreted that in a different way. I've gotten cards with almost every combination imaginable... Karebeartg Newlast, Karebeartg O Newlast, Karebeartg Oldlast Newlast, Karebeartg FormerMiddleInitial Newlast, Karebeartg Oldlast-Newlast....probably others.

So, my concern would be that you'd have to be super paranoid during an already irritating process and that even then you might end up running into issues.

If you're worried about your credit (particularly if you are thinking of buying a house anytime soon, etc), I would probably make sure my last name was distinctly difference from hers, whether you hyphenate or keep your own. Better to be paranoid than risk your credit.


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MonaLisaRoyaleB... Posts : 79 Registered: 5/1/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 4:01 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Thanks, I think I am just going to keep my name. I could just see myself getting her bill collection calls and all that wonderful crap!
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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 8:36 PM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

I got married in June and I very much regret changing my name and hyphenating it. I have such a long difficult name now.. I hate it. I wish I could change it back! I had such an easy normal sounding name before and now I have to spell it for everyone. It sucks! I would seriously think it over. If your FH doesn't care.... I would take the easy way! Wish I had. :(

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 10:09 PM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

Just to give you a little bit of a different point of view....i work in the court system and I deal with the credit bureaus a lot. They tend to be very careless when it comes to making sure that judgments and collection issues are reported on the correct credit report. I would be very wary about changing my name to the same name as your husband's debt-riddled ex-wife. I talk to people on a daily basis that are in arguments with the credit bureaus for months trying to get things off of their credit report that shouldn't be on there in the first place! Most of the time you can't even get them on the phone..you just have to argue with them through the mail for months!!!

This is a bit off topic but just a suggestion! For those of you that are planning on having children and naming them after your husband....be very careful. I have spoken to so many John Doe Sr.'s that have all sorts of bad stuff on their credit report because their son, John Doe Jr., defaulted on credit cards! Sadly I also deal with the reverse...fathers that are Sr. and use their son's names to get credit and then default. The other day I spoke to a women whose 18 year old son had horrible credit because his father had completely abused his name from the time he was like 10!!

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 10:49 PM Go to message in response to: FrancieElaine

Francie.... thanks for saying that. I just got married, and while I love my new name....I'm also feeling a bit displaced and almost as if I'm having an identity crisis now that I've changed it. The first time I married, I didn't bother with the name change (lot of reasons)...this time I did. I thought about it, planned for it, decided it. But the moment I signed my new name, it wasn't "wow...I've just signed my new name for the first time legally" it was "what have I done?!" I'm partly excited and partly regretful. Mixed actually.

It's also a new racial identity in many ways -- my DH is Hispanic...so now I have a Hispanic last name, and that is very different from my Irish/British last name. I'm sure to get a few reactions to that as well. And I have no issues with the name...I love his name. I even love how it sounds with my name. It just doesn't sound like...ME.

I write my maiden name automatically....and am forcing myself to do my new name. My work stuff is getting changed over today/tomorrow....so that's going to look even more odd. It's weird to walk around with two drivers licenses.

Would I change it today? I don't know. I really don't. I'm having a hard time with it. I'm sure that in time I'll adjust. I didn't hyphenate (it would have been five syllables.... that would have been a super long name. 3 syllables, 2 syllables, 5 syllables)

Misty

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anne11235813 Posts : 58 Registered: 11/15/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 9:19 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Mona, you could also consider to both take your name as family name. We did that. Basically because my husband's old name was very common, like Smith or Taylor. My name is quite unique.

And I am glad that I don't have to get used to a new name :o)

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MonaLisaRoyaleB... Posts : 79 Registered: 5/1/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 9:23 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Zoe1983~ Thanks so much for the information!! I am a very credit conscious person, that is one thing that I am very proud of, I pay my bills on time and have no negative marks on my credit. I even have a credit monitoring service and do regular reviews to make sure nothing crazy shows up!

I know that there are ALWAYS two sides to a marriage that ended in divorce and my new hubby and I have even pulled his credit and have had to fix and pay for bills that she left in his name for utilities and such- he thought he was being the "nice guy" when he left the house- they were married for 17 years and had 2 children living there. The last thing he thought was change the utilities now and make sure she doesnt screw me in the end. I'm sure at that time he was probably thinking this is just temporary and we will work things out. Well needless to say when she moved out of the house she just "happened to forget" to pay all the utilities that were in his name!!! He definitely learned his lesson!!

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 9:58 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Francie and Cat,

I'll echo Cat - thanks for mentioning the twinge+ of "I wish I hadn't changed it." I feel bad even thinking it, but I'm not terribly thrilled in the end that I am changing it, I think. I think I realized before I did it that it wasn't my favorite idea, but went through with it.

I find I'm annoyed every time I'm referred to as Mrs. Newlastname, particularly if I haven't told the person that I'm changing it. I'm hoping I'll get used to it!

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Just to give a different opinion - I had NO problems changing my last name. I have no issues with my 'new' last name. It was a little weird to sign it the first couple of times, but not an 'oh my god what did I do' moment.

 

 

 

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I'm with PharmTox, too, pretty much. I do really wish I could've hyphenated, but since my name and his made that impossible...I really like how my first name and new last name sound together. I didn't really like my old last name.

That said, the name we have picked out for a daughter--if that's what we have--sounds great with my old last name as a middle name. So she and I would match. :)

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 11:08 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Yea at first I felt like I had an identity crisis when I changed my name. I was very into changing it since my maiden name was very italian and hard for people to say/spell. And my married name is pretty straightforward. but when I see my old name,I get a little wistful, I can't lie! Sometimes when I think about my new name, I can't believe I have a different name, even 2 yrs later!! I never expected it to be so weird!

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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