This is going to sound bitchy....

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CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 10:16 AM Go to message in response to: calalily13

Hi, to be honest what does it have to do with you if they get engaged before you, time is no factor when it comes to love?! I honestly don't understand what it has to do with you, and you seem very immature and selfish to be feeling this way, instead you should be happy for them WHENEVER they actually get engaged! Stop worrying about silly things like this, the world is a much bigger picture than what you've painted for yourself!

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 10:51 AM Go to message in response to: calalily13

Yeah, it sounds bitchy, but I think it's a natural way to feel. I was annoyed when my BIL got married after dating his now-wife for 3 years when DH and I had been dating for 5. It's natural to be jealous and to measure yourself against others - but keep it to yourself. Think logically. Is it really fair of you to demand that nobody else in your life get engaged simply because you're not ready yet?

My advice is to get over it. For your whole life, someone will ALWAYS reach a partcular milestone before you do. You simply can't control it. Yes, people might get engaged before you. Once you're engaged, people who got engaged after you might get married before you. Once you're married, people who got married after you might get pregnant before you. Friends might buy houses or get new cars before you do. A coworker who started his/her job after you did might get promoted before you do. It's not fair to demand that everybody else live their lives on your schedule - nor will it get you anywhere. People aren't going to stop getting engaged because you were thinking about it first - nor will they put their lives on hold in the other ways I've mentioned because you think you deserve it first.

My advice is to stop worrying about what other people are doing and live your life on your own schedule. You'll get engaged when you're ready, as will other people. It's not their fault that they're ready before you are, and it's not your business to judge them and say that they are not. If they're your friends, put a smile on your face and congratulate them. It's fine to be jealous in the privacy of your own mind, but I wouldn't say anything to them unless you want to lose friends. Nobody likes jealous people - I've cut a few people out of my own life because they're bitter about my success in various things. Why should they begrudge me things that I've worked for simply because they haven't gotten there yet? Real friends will be happy for their friends regardless.

Some jealousy is natural, but if you don't get over it you're going to live a very bitter life. As I mentioned, people don't put their lives on hold for you for any reason. Focus on your own life and live it at your own pace. And be happy for your friends even if they reach a milestone before you. You'll have your turn.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 10:53 AM Go to message in response to: JadeDeCaro

well, i was thinking she can get engaged.... cuz her biological clock is tickling...if she waits for 5 years then she probably wont have a healthy child. or she's gonna be in high risk.

Just saw this. HUH? Isn't the friend's girlfriend only 25? Are you saying you don't think people have healthy pregnancies at 30? rolls eyes

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: calalily13

You have to remember that every relationship and everyone is different. 25 and 21 are very different ages too! When I was 21, there was no way I was ready to be engaged, and now I'm 25 and if I wasn't with FH I probably wouldn't be thinking of getting married anytime soon. They have been dating for a year and are talking about getting engaged, and you and your boyfriend have been together for 5 years, but if you guys got engaged after a year, you would've been 17, and that is very young to get engaged. I know people who have been together longer than FH and I, and still aren't engaged, I know others who have been together a shorter period of time and got engaged, and some who have gotten married. You said that you guys are waiting for him to be able to afford a ring, from that it sounds like you have your own reasons as to why your not getting engaged. My FH and I pushed our wedding back until a year after I graduated. In the meantime, I know of at least 3 other couples who have gotten engaged, and married (or will be before us), all during FH and mine engagement. It doesn't bother me because that is there life, this is my life. It's not a competition. People do things when they are ready. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the time is right for you, even if other people do things faster.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

This is also going to sound bitchy. . .

If I were a 26 year old woman, and a 21 year old implied to me that I was not ready to get married, for whatever reason, and she was, because she had dated her boyfriend since she was 16 years old, I'd say (on the inside) Get over yourself, you juvenille idiot.

The truth is, at 26 years old, she's been around the block more than you, has dated more than you, and may have a pretty good sense of what she wants out of life, perhaps even more than you, from the benefit of having had more time on earth. She also has a fiance that, unlike yours, is ready to take the plunge. That sucks, but that's just true, and no well-thought remarks by yourself will change that.

I read your first post, I rolled my eyes, and assumed you hadn't been through much. Reading your next couple of posts, I realized that you had probably been through at least one pretty tough experience, and I really shouldn't judge your readiness for anything.

So how about we both learn a lesson here -- put aside our own biases about other people's readiness and assume that they have good reasons for the choices that they make. You can't control what other people do, and you'll just sound like a ninny if you try.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 2:57 PM Go to message in response to: calalily13

One thing I have learned as I have gotten older is, do not wish your life away. I remember feeling like you feel now before I got engaged. And I would get MORE mad at myself for feeling that way. B/c the truth is, I loved the couples getting engaged but I hated myself for feeling mad about something that was supposed to be happy. And DH would say "our time will come" and I'd stand there looking at him like "WELL I AM WAITING!!"

But then I remember the second DH got down on his knee to propose to me, the 2nd thought that went through my mind is "I've been waiting for this forever, and now it's over and will never happen again" and I got a little sad!! So my point is, the anticipation of your life is the BEST part because you just don't know whats going to happen. And when it DOES happen and it's OVER, it's not going to happen again.

Now I am at the stage of my life where all my friends/family are having babies. And while DH and I are ready, we're still waiting a few more months. So now every other week someone else is pregnant and I think "When is MY time?". However I have to remind myself that I do not want to wish it away and I want to enjoy every part of my marriage now before it gets turned upside down by a baby!!

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 4:05 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

I'm going to have to agree with the other girls. Yes, you have been been with your boyfriend for 5 years, but you started dating him when you were 16. If you were 25 and dating him for 5 yrs waiting for a ring, that would be a different story. Be glad your man is even thinking about a ring -there are some men who are not at that point and their partners want them to be.

Daisypath Wedding tickers

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 11:45 AM Go to message in response to: JadeDeCaro

"cuz her biological clock is tickling."

Really? TickLing?? huh. Anyway, how do you know this womann even wants kids? Maybe she wants to get engaged because she wants to spend the rest of her life with her BF.

And, where did you get your medical information from? You are totally and completely incorrect, by the way. Becoming pregnant at the hugely old age of say, 30 or 31, in no way places you into a high risk pregnancy category nor will the baby likely be born with health problems. And I still want to know how a biological clock "tickles".

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 11:51 AM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Cyndi, my biological clock tickles. I think about having kids right now and something makes me laugh my ass off, so it MUST be my biological clock tickling. It certainly isn't ticking, but at the ancient age of 28, it had better start soon if I want to have kids before I become 'high risk' at 30...

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 12:17 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

This is seriously one of the dumbest threads I have ever read.
Im lost as to WHY this other guys engagement to his gf is , in ANY way, an issue in your life.


Gotta go. My biological clock tickles. Better have a baby so it doesnt come out all unhealthy and high-risk!


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MarissaRowland Posts : 33 Registered: 10/2/09
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 4:18 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Just wish them well and try to be genuinely happy for them while going on about your life. What they are doing should have no bearing with how you live your life, unless it is causing some sort of harm to you directly which doesn't seem to be the case. Focus more of the energy on yourself and your relationship so that regardless of what they decide to do you will still be able to better yourself.

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calalily13 Posts : 25 Registered: 10/8/09
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 22, 2009 1:37 AM Go to message in response to: MarissaRowland

Okay I apparently did not explain who I had wanted to talk to about their engagement soon. I had wanted to ask my boyfriend what he had thought about it, but didnt want to offend him since he is such good friends with this guy and i also wanted to see how he felt about her pushing him into getting engaged. I realize that THEIR engagement has nothing to do with me but i wanted to find a way to properly talk to my boyfriend about it and this whole thing kinda curtailed into craziness.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 22, 2009 1:49 AM Go to message in response to: calalily13

Regardless, WHY is it any of your business? If he's good friends with your BF, then it's a none issue for you. Or at least should be.

What you are saying is that you are not happy that YOU are not engaged. And that is on you - you can mention it if you want but then that would be nagging him - IMHO.

 

 

 

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kensimzadi Posts : 216 Registered: 7/28/08
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 22, 2009 2:51 AM Go to message in response to: calalily13

From what I remember of your posts, you've said that you want your relationship to go to the next level....honey, it IS there, just not in the tangible way you want it to be...with a ring. If you have stood by each other in one of the most difficult obstacles that a couple can go thru, an illness, then you have shown each other that you are already committed to this relationship. That means in the long run, you stand a better chance of having a long, life-lasting relationship than most couples, and that includes the couple that you think is rushing into it. Chill out. Let it play out the way it needs to. That means it doesn't matter who gets engaged, married, pregnant or whatever first. You had your man first. He had you first. You are working towards that day, you know it's coming, so again, chill out. In the end, how long it takes so won't matter....trust me, I waited for my man to ask for 13 years. We got married a little over a month ago, and it was worth every day of those years.


 

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: This is going to sound bitchy....
Posted: Oct 23, 2009 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: calalily13

I had wanted to ask my boyfriend what he had thought about it, but didnt want to offend him since he is such good friends with this guy and i also wanted to see how he felt about her pushing him into getting engaged.

I mean this in a nice way...but if you can't figure out how to communicate your feelings to your boyfriend, you aren't ready to get married. I'm sure that you've heard this before, but communication is THE most important thing in a marriage.

If I was in this situation, I would just say, 'Hey honey - what do you think about X and Y getting engaged? Does it seem really soon to you? Do you think she's pushing him?' I know my husband well enough to know that he's not going to get offended if I give my honest opinion about something, particularly something this stupid. And if I was in your situation of wanting to be engaged, I would say, 'Hey honey - how do you feel about getting engaged soon?' DH and I don't beat around the bush or play mind games. If you're secure in your relationship, I don't see why you need advice on how to talk to YOUR boyfriend.

Sorry if that comes off as harsh - it's not intended that way. I guess I just don't understand what you need advice about. If you're just ranting, that's fine. If you really need advice on how to talk to your boyfriend, I would cool it on getting engaged until you able to communicate better with him.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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