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Fatherless Bride

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SparklessBride Posts : 1 Registered: 10/13/09
Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 8:58 PM

My dad has waited his whole life to walk me down the aisle. For a sweat pant and tshirt kinda man he was so happy to try on the tux. On Oct 2nd he had a massive heart attack at my house and died. 6 weeks till the wedding.

I dont know what to do. The wedding is going ahead. I am walking up the aisle alone because there is no replacing him. I will bring a burgundy rose with me and place it in a vase after they ask who presents this woman. That I have sorted.

The Father Daughter Dance... I want my fiancee to dance with his mom. she deserves that and if we took out the father daughter dance it will feel like a huge missing piece! PLEASE HELP WITH IDEAS. I dont know what to do about it!

Catherine Senior

Counting down till November 14th, 2009!

canada , november_2009
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deansbride Posts : 221 Registered: 3/24/08
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

O sweetie I am so sorry for you loss! I wish there was something we could say or do make you feel even a little better.

My DH and his sister have also lost their father and at her wedding she danced with her uncles. It was very sweet, fun and emotional. They all took a turn to dance with her during the same song. Does your dad have any brothers that you are close with? Do you have an older brother? Or maybe a really close friend of your's and you dad's?

One last thing: make sure you really want to do it. No one says you have to or that it will be weird if your FH has a dance with his mom and you don't have one. Not trying to say it is a bad idea, but just make sure that emotionally you can do it.

I know it will turn out beautiful! Good luck with the rest of your wedding plans! Your day is coming up fast!

"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."

-Dr Seuss

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WonderfulDay1102 Posts : 18 Registered: 10/13/09
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 10:46 PM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

My heart grieves for your loss. And you do not need to do anything in regards to the father daughter dance, but if you are up for it and want to honor your father in your reception, you could play a father-daughter song (a couple that come to mind are When Angels Fly - Tony Ransom or My Father's Eyes - Amy Grant) and not dance at all or dance with your husband or other family member(s). Please don't feel you need to go though with it even if you plan it. This is going to be really hard in any case. But given the amount of pain that is clear in your post, your father was a good man and I'm sure would want you to have a wonderful happy wedding.

canada , november_2009 , atlanta , november_2010
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 10:56 PM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

Dear Catherine,

I'm sorry sorry to hear of your loss. I still miss my dad every day, and it's been 13 years.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Walk with your mother.

2. Walk alone.

My niece lost both her parents by the time she was 17. When she got married, she wanted to walk alone, with her parents symbolically by her side. I really saw both her parents on either side of her as she walked down the aisle, and I broke down into tears.

About the dance:

Who says dancing has to be male/female only? You can dance with your mother! Or, how about a "family" dance where everyone lines up arm-in-arm Rockettes style and kick-dances? Some great songs for that kind of dance would be Sinatra's New York New York or Cole Porter's You're The Top.

Best to keep it happy and upbeat. It's your wedding celebration, not a memorial service. Your dad can dance there right with you in the family line!

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KatyDee Posts : 48 Registered: 7/2/09
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 11:25 PM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my father 2 years ago, and even though that much time has gone by, it is hard to imagine having your wedding with out him.

I will share with you what I am doing, and I hope it will help.
I am walking down the aisle with my older brother.
For the parents dance, I was torn also because I want my fiance to dance with his mom, but as you put it, without a father daughter dance I would feel like something was missing. Something huge.

In stead, we are having one song. For the first half, Joe will dance with his mother and I will dance with my grandfather. Halfway during the song, his mother and my grandfather will leave the stage and Joe will finish the dance with my mom, while I finish the dance with his father.

I feel that this will be a nice way to incorporate all of the parents, and not draw too much attention to a "father daughter dance" that would make me sad.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and again I am terribly sorry for your loss. Rest assured, however, that your father will be there with you that day.

canada , november_2009
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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 14, 2009 8:09 AM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

My heart is just broken for you. I agree with all the advice these wise women have given to you. I want you to really think about it. The thing is, your loss is very fresh, the wound is still open and bleeding. I think it is easier to memorialize someone at a wedding after some time has passed, but you are probably still dealing with the shock of it all. It may be very hard to keep it together if you play a very sentimental song.... you know? And the other ladies are right, this is a celebration and the best way you can honor your Dad is to be happy during the ceremony. So take some time to think about what you think you can do, and if there is something you think might be too painful... then just skip it all together. A formal dance with parents is not required and I have a feeling your FMIL would be fine if she just danced with her son during a regular dance. Try not to put pressure on yourself, okay? And please feel free to talk to us about this as the wedding gets closer. You need a lot of support right now. Hugs.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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canada , november_2009 , north_carolina
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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 14, 2009 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing someone so close very near to wedding day. All the other ladies gave you good ideas and advice. The important thing is to make your day feel happy and not sad. If i were you I wouldn't do a dance or play the song that you would have had with your father. If you want a dance with your brother, uncle, etc then pick a fast beat song or something not so sentimental.
                           
  

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canada , november_2009 , connecticut , october_2010
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MrsPaul Posts : 186 Registered: 1/15/08
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 14, 2009 9:35 AM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

Hello Sparkless,

First of all, I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through right now. My dad died over 13 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I'll tell you what I did. I really wanted hubby to dance with his Mom, so they did. After that the DJ played We Are Family and I dragged my entire family up there (granted I have a large family!). We danced laughed and celebrated the fact that even though he was gone we had each other. Towards the end of the song hubbys family came up and joined us and by the end pretty much the whole room was dancing. I'm not sure if this helps.

Like PP's said, plan whatever you think you may want but when the time comes if you don't think you can do it DON'T WORRY!! You will be an amazingly beautiful bride and I can assure you that your father is right there by your side. Good luck!
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september_2008 , canada , november_2009 , new_hampshire
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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 14, 2009 12:17 PM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that your dad will be there in spirit!


 Lilypie - (8e8A)

september_2008 , canada , november_2009 , georgia
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Fatherless Bride
Posted: Oct 20, 2009 10:01 PM Go to message in response to: SparklessBride

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I think if you talk to your FMIL, she will tell you not to do the Mother/Son dance as a formal thing. It will only make you feel the loss more keenly. And doing a Parent dance at this point would also make your mother feel lit more keenly. I am certain that everyone coming will understand why the parent dances were eliminated completely.

Do make sure you have time where he does get to dance with his mother. But it does not have to be a formal parent dance. Maybe you can dance with his father and he with your mom at some point.

If you want to plan on one, just in case, please tell the DJ YOU will tell him whether or not to play the song, and if you do not tell him to play it, then he is not to play it. The last thing you want to have happen is for you to burst into tears and run from your reception. Only you will know if you can handle it at that time or not, but truly, I suspect that walking in with the burgundy rose is going to be hard enough, without the added pressure of dealing with a parent dance without your father.

Understand this too: this is not just going to be hard on you. It will be hard on other members of your family. My DH's father died 21 years ago, and I wanted to do something to honor him at our recent wedding. He did not....because he was afraid at how his mother would respond to it. She still, 21 years later, keenly misses him. We did include his father's name in the program under Parents of the Groom. And we did this because, like I said, his mother would have found it difficult to bear.

Weddings are emotional. Please don't put added pressure on yourself . I am certain your FMIL will understand and will not be upset at all with you if you choose to cut the Parent Dance out.

Misty

november_2009 , canada , september_2009
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