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Anyone else unofficially engaged?

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mooRS Posts : 26 Registered: 6/15/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 11:08 PM Go to message in response to: MJ2010

Same here. My BF wanted to ask my father, but they live several hours away, so the timing was difficult. He did talk to my dad a few weeks ago, so now I'm just waiting anxiously. My best friend laughs at me, because she says the only thing that's going to change is that I'm going to have a shiny finger. FH joked a few nights ago that, when he does ask, my response will be, "Finally!" haha. I told him he'll just have to say something really spectacular so that my only response will be to cry and vigorously nod my head.

october_2011 , september_2010 , june_2010 , connecticut , engaged , iowa
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jessnmark Posts : 2 Registered: 7/13/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Jul 16, 2009 1:06 PM Go to message in response to: mooRS

I guess I am slightly confused too about the "unofficial" engagement on some levels. My fiance and I spent the past few months discussing how we wanted to get engaged, and even talking about when we would want to be married probably, but he wanted to ask my father and inform his dad first too. (which, mind you, drove me NUTS knowing it was coming but not when! lol) So at that point, I feel I was "unofficially engaged". However, when he did propose (this past Saturday actually!) he did it without a ring. I had told him awhile back when discussing getting engaged that I didn't want him to stress about making a big production of a moment or worry about finding the perfect ring, and that I wanted him to just say what he felt and for us to get a ring together, as a "first decision" towards our future. He had to leave for two weeks for a trip, so we will not get a ring until he is back in a week and a half. I do not feel at all that the fact that I do not have a ring means I am not engaged. We've told our families, friends etc and have set a date. The ring doesn't really have anything to do with whether or not its official to me.

october_2011 , december_2010 , september_2010 , june_2010 , connecticut , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago
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Revenwyn Posts : 48 Registered: 4/26/07
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 6:36 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I have a slightly different thing going on.

My fiance proposed to me September 20th 2004. He gave me a ring, not a diamond, at my own request. We plan our wedding for May 2005. Then in December 2004 he becomes violently sick and nearly dies. It took him three years to recover, and now he's back in school, with one more year to go. We're giving it a year after that until we can finally get married.


Ever since then we have been waiting, and my family refuses to call us engaged because we don't have a current date. They made us go into a long distance relationship. We spent four and a half years in a long distance relationship. Then when I had no choice but to go home to Mom because of the economic downturn, we were told we could not tell people that we meet that we're engaged. We could say we were "promised" but not engaged. After all my ring wasn't a "proper engagement ring."

He and I know the truth though, and most of our friends understand what happened to throw a curveball into this thing.

Hoping and praying our day will come soon.

 

illness
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MidniteRae Posts : 6 Registered: 8/9/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 12:39 AM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and details of our wedding. We also know what date we are going to get married. However, I do not have an engagement ring because we don't have the money right now.
Whether or not that makes us unofficially engaged or not, I don't know.

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Revenwyn Posts : 48 Registered: 4/26/07
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 6:52 PM Go to message in response to: MidniteRae

A subgroup of people affiliated with my church evidently don't get engagement rings or wedding bands.

I guess they believe it's too worldly or something. Just because there is lack of a ring doesn't make someone not engaged.

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Hoping and praying our day will come soon.

 

northern_california
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FoundTrueLove Posts : 54 Registered: 8/18/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Aug 18, 2009 4:46 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

I'm also "unofficially engaged" OP so i totally understand. For those posters that aren't understanding the concept, my take on it is this. me and the boy know we want to get married (so that means we are engaged), BUT he hasn't officially asked me yet nor have we told anyone. it will become official once i have the ring on my finger and we tell everyone. OP, is that the situation with you as well?

michigan , july_2011 , october_2011 , engaged , iowa
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summerbrides Posts : 2 Registered: 7/6/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 8:33 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

i got a bf in morroco

Edited by: summerbrides on Mar 18, 2010 9:57 AM

november_2013 , canada , october_2011 , engaged , iowa
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MissApril Posts : 276 Registered: 1/21/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 1:57 PM Go to message in response to: summerbrides

Well, FH and I are engaged, but because of recent events there are plenty of people who would no longer consider us official (engaged in the title or not). Because I need a car and can't get a car loan on my own (stolen identity, terrible credit) and our fish are growing out of their tanks at a rate we never expected so we have to get them bigger homes NOW. But if you've ever checked out prices on 120 gallon tanks, you'd understand why that is hurting wedding plans so much. I oughta change my name here, as April is now pretty much out of the question. So we have the proposal, the ring, the beginning stages of planning, and then life. Hahaha And right now we have to pay for all that we need before we can start planning again. So are we unofficial? I don't think we are but I'm sure there are people on these forums who would consider us to be. But as far as everyone else here saying "unofficially engaged" I understand what you guys mean, but why even bother changing what you call yourselves? Too many people are ready to jump in head first into a dream wedding and a dream life, looking at the horizon but not stopping to enjoy the garden right in front of you. Am I anxious to get back to wedding planning? Hell no! Too much stress. I'm just going to enjoy my time because I know it's the effing calm before the storm. Family expectations, money, generalized anxiety over every little detail. Take a step back ladies and enjoy your relationship for what it is now. What it will be will be. So go out now and enjoy what the two of you are now. Hurry, before more responsibility shows it's ugly face!
CoolStick your head out the window and smile for a satellite picture!Tongue out

november_2013 , canada , april_2010 , october_2011 , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago
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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 3:06 PM Go to message in response to: MissApril

I hear you, does this whole big wedding thing even have to occur? My boyfriend and I discuss marriage and our future a lot but when it comes to planning a wedding, I get stressed just talking about it. We're simple people, my family on the other hand would expect a lavish wedding. I personally think that this is the time to take a stand and do what we, as a couple, feel is right for us and not worry so much about putting on a show. I know that we'd prefer something simple on a beach just the two of us & ten close family members along with 6-8 friends. What do you think WaitingForApril? Would you and your FH considering anything similar or would you rather wait for a traditional wedding?

november_2013 , canada , april_2010 , october_2011 , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago
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MissApril Posts : 276 Registered: 1/21/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 10:53 PM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

You know honestly I'd be happy getting eloped just the two of us. No fuss. Nobody there except us and our BFFs. But I never had a dream wedding. Growing up I would rather have ate bugs than thought about mariage and family. But he's got a picture in his head of what he wants so we have to push the date back. It'll be about $8000 so... Yeah. Gotta let it wait.
CoolStick your head out the window and smile for a satellite picture!Tongue out

november_2013 , canada , april_2010 , october_2011 , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago
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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 7:06 AM Go to message in response to: MissApril

April,

I know what you mean about fish tanks costing lots! Its the hoods that cost the most, especially if you can florescent lights instead of incandescent lights!

What kind of fish do you have?

november_2013 , canada , april_2010 , october_2011 , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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MissApril Posts : 276 Registered: 1/21/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 1:27 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Well in one tank we have alot of platys and glofish but the dragon goby is what needs a new home. And in the other tank there is a bichir, 3 bala sharks, a peacock eel, a black ghost knife fish, and a pictus catfish. Told FH not to get so many big growers, but dumbass did.
CoolStick your head out the window and smile for a satellite picture!Tongue out

november_2013 , canada , april_2010 , october_2011 , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago , february_2010
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KMMB08 Posts : 1 Registered: 10/30/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Nov 2, 2009 5:02 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

We are unofficially engaged. I have narrowed it down to 3 rings that I like and he said he chose one, is saving and waiting to surprise me. We are planning the wedding and all that jazz. He has asked my parents for their permition- of course they agreed!

We joke all the time that we're basically married! The only difference between us and married people- the official marriage license. lol. We live together and we've been through a lot since we've been together.

I understand why some ppl dont get the "unofficial" or "official" stuff... but everyone views things in different ways. No reason to get into tuffs over it

Whatever you believe- this "engaged" and "married" stuff is pretty exciting!! I am a full time college student- and will be for 3 more years (getting my Masters) and trying to plan the wedding and concentrate on school is... stressful. But! Thankfully we dont plan on getting married until summer 2012. We have PLENTY of time!

I wish everyone the best and happiness in their lives with their significant other! Love is an amazing thing!

october_2011 , june_2012 , engaged , iowa , illinois_chicago
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fishmar Posts : 1 Registered: 2/14/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 14, 2010 3:59 AM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

I get what you mean by "unofficially engaged." Technically, that would be how I described my current situation. My FH wants to actually propose before we announce anything to our families. We are already making plans, looking for a venue and we even set a date. We have time to go through the motions so why not. The date is more than a year away. I'm engaged but it's unofficial until we decide otherwise. After all our years together, I'm just ready to be his wife. Personal choice because no one can tell you how to define anything in your life.

northern_california , engaged , september_2011
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Amberdawn7 Posts : 22 Registered: 2/6/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 1:12 AM Go to message in response to: fishmar

Looking back I do joke with my fiance about when we were "engaged to be engaged." He asked me on Memorial Day "Do you want to get engaged this summer?" And when I started shrieking happily he said "that wasn't the official question!" He wanted it to be in person, with a ring, and at a romantic location (and so did I! I'm a traditional girl). So between then and August 15 I thought of him as my boyfriend, but I did tell my mom (and no one else) that we were getting engaged this summer. His mom on the other hand considered us engaged when we picked out the ring in July. She teased him, "There's no backing out now!"

So I do get it when people call it limbo or unofficially engaged or privately engaged, because that is what it FELT like. I kept telling myself he was my boyfriend still, and called him that to others, but I felt frustrated. I guess I thought the engagement was the public part, when you share your committment with others. But some people here seem to define it as when the two of us decided we were ready for engagement, that was what meant we were engaged, not the "official question" and the ring.

Looking back it probably would have saved me some anguish if I just allowed myself to think of us as engaged on Memorial Day instead of waiting for us to be together in person and then waiting for the ring to be ready. But at this point it doesn't really matter :) Now that we're officially engaged I have the next milestone to look forward to. Getting his fiance visa!

__________________________________________________

Amber's Planning a Wedding (Blog)

northern_california , cape_cod_islands , august_2011 , engaged , september_2011
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