I need serious help here guys...eight months ago I decided to extend an olive branch to my sister whom we have had a really rocky (downright viscious-on her part) relationship all our lives and told her that her then 3 year old daughter could be one of the flower girls (other being my daughter from previous marriage) since she would be just shy of 4 on my wedding day.
Two months after my niece turned 3, we were having a dinner with my in-laws in which my mother, sister, and niece were there. My future SIL asked me how old my niece was and when I said three, her jaw dropped. She told me that she felt my niece as 1 1/2 or 2 at the oldest based on her behavior and temper tantrums and the fact that she can't say words. I spent the day a few weeks ago (three months after aforementioned dinner) with my mother, sister and niece. My niece acted exactly the same, not speaking clearly whatsoever and screaming all the time. I really didn't want my niece in the wedding at that point but hadn't said anything.
The entire time I was looking for dresses for everyone in my party, I kept my mother and sister informed of what I was looking at as well as how much. I even showed my mom the dress for my niece.
Two days ago, my mother texted me saying that my sister was "donating" $20 towards her daughter's dress. I firmly advised my mother that the cost of the dress was never my responsibility and that it was my sisters. My mother and sister then told me, they would go "thrift store shopping for the dress" I politely informed them that the girls will match and that I had already ordered my daughter's dress. I firmly explained that my sister needed to figure out how she is going to pay before the end of March as that's the final timeframe to order the dress in time for the wedding.
Now, my sister is going around, telling everyone I'm being a "bridezilla" because I am refusing to pay for the dress as well as I'm too "snooty" to get something from "Goodwill".
Something like this (and I'm afraid this could turn into that) happened in 2004 when I was renewing my vows to my then husband, my daughter's father. My sister went so far to sabotage our day, that she went to the courthouse to get a temporary restraining order because the church was within 300 feet of where she lived trying to get it so that we could not have our ceremony at all. Luckily, the judge threw out her case as she had no evidence to support the order.
With all of this in mind, I really really don't want my niece in the wedding anymore and I know my sister is just going to try to ruin the day more. I wanted this day to be good for my mom as she has to deal with my sister and niece every day and needs a good break. I'm afraid that my sister will dump my niece on my mother and go off to have her own fun on my wedding day forcing my mother to take care of a bratty child causing her more stress.
Primarily, I don't want my niece in the wedding anymore, but ideally, I don't want her nor my sister there at all. Is there ANYTHING I can do????
Sure, you can "fire" them both. That is, on the condition that you never want to speak to your sister again, and that your mother is not caught in the middle of the tornado. Otherwise, you asked her, so you're stuck with the situation. As for what the kid wears, in the end, who cares? Let them walk separately, each in her own dress. Nobody will care but you. Or, if that is unacceptable to you, you just may have to fork over some money. Sure, it's wrong. But you made your bed when you invited this person back into your life.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com