Momzilla

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krissygurl Posts : 3 Registered: 10/7/09
Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 10:10 AM

My mom has decided to not give me my wedding dress that my dad paid for. I have asked her nicely for it and she will not give it to me and said that I can come to the house and try it on but it is not allowed to leave the house. I don't know what to do. I told her I have no problem buying another dress, and have them keep a dress that they paid for and cant wear. My parents are only paying for a small part of the wedding, and think that they have complete control. Please help, I don't know what to do, she is a bad Momzilla.

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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 10:23 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

krissy, hi, i'm a little confused... she has the dress at her house now and she's not going to allow you to wear it at your wedding or she just wants to keep it at her house until the actual wedding?
does it need alterations where you would need to take it to a dress maker? if not, i think keeping the dress at her house is a good idea so that your fiance doesn't see it before the wedding.
could you please clarify just a little more as to why she is keeping the dress hostage?

 

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

What does she want, a ransom? I dont really understand this post.:)

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 10:53 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

If your dad paid for the dress, then it seems to me it's his dress until he gives it to you. Sounds like it's his problem to deal with. If he doesn't want to deal with it, then you're screwed.

Buy a new dress.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

I'm also confused. What's the issue? Is it that they want to keep it at their house until the wedding or is it that they've changed their minds and don't want to give it to you (though they've already puchased it)?

If they just want to keep it at their house, I don't see the problem. Who cares whose house it is stored at until the wedding? That doesn't sound like momzilla behavior...that sounds like a mom who simply wants to make sure that the dress is safe until the wedding.

If the issue is that the dress has already been purchased, but they no longer wish to give it to you, it sounds like you'll have to give up and buy another dress. They'll have no use for it, but can always sell it or donate it.

If the issue is that your mom wants to keep it at her house until the wedding, but you absolutely MUST have it at your house, get over it. In that case, you're accusing the wrong person of being a 'zilla.

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krissygurl Posts : 3 Registered: 10/7/09
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

She wont let me have the dress until the wedding, I cant take it from the house. I want to keep it so she would not have anything to hold over me. I am afraid that if something happens she wont let me wear it on my wedding day. I am sorry it is confusing, its hard to put everything into words. I dont know why she wants to keep it. I dotn know what she thinks I am going to do with it. this is only one of the issuses with her, there are many more.


oh and I forgot to mention, its not at her house either, she has been taking it to her friends house and not telling me where it is.

Edited by: krissygurl on Oct 7, 2009 11:25 AM

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MrsDeLouis Posts : 167 Registered: 11/10/08
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 11:44 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

If you're concerned that she will hold the dress hostage as a bargaining chip then buy a new dress. Personally, I think the whole thing is a little ridiculous as far as holding the dress over your head. If you are worried about that then there are bigger issues here than the matter of where the dress is until your wedding. If the dress is in no harm at your mother's/ friend's house then I would say get over it. When you say "this is only one of the issues with her there are many more" it's hard for us to give advice based off limited information. From what you've posted, it's really hard to tell who is the 'zilla here as a pp said.

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mrssankeyjr Posts : 60 Registered: 10/16/08
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 11:44 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

UMM.... How old are you? Seems to me that your mom is being controlling. Tell her if she won't let you have the dress until your wedding day, then you will just go buy your own dress. If you (or your FH) don't have the money to pay for your own dress then maybe y'all should scale back, and only get what you can afford, or wait until you can afford the wedding you dream of.

Because if your mom is holding your "dress" over your head then she will start holding "other" things over your head and your relationship will become you, your FH, and your mother, and that is not a good way to start out the marriage.

If I were you, I would just tell moms, "thanks, but if you don't want to give it to me, then I'll go get my own." and mean it!!!

Good luck with that one.
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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 11:54 AM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

i am so confused... in your OP you said that the dress is at her house and you can go there and put it on whenever you want... now you say she has been taking it to her friend's house and not telling you where it is. is she keeping it in her car? she's bringing it over to her friend's everytime she goes over there?
and why would she want to have something to "hold over you"? as in, if you don't use the band she wants then you don't get the dress? what could possibly happen that she wouldn't want you to wear the dress that she and your father purchased for you to wear on your wedding day?

we really need more details because this is not making a bit of sense. it sounds like you think your mom is out to sabatoge you... is that it? why would you think that or why would she want to do that?

 

 

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JDRoberson Posts : 1 Registered: 10/7/09
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: EWF

Hello everyone I am the groom of the OP.

Here is the deal.

From the day I asked her father for his blessing her mother has tried to sabotage our relationship/wedding. It started with just a little slander here and there to her friends and some family. No big deal. It's now to the point where she is telling family members that I am no good and a whole host of other bad stuff.

When it came time to discuss the wedding and the financial portion of it is when the s**t hit the fan. Her parents originally committed to 10k for the wedding. We found several places within that price range and presented them to her parents. They rejected all of them and started suggesting places like community centers and other areas we could use for free. A couple weeks after that they made us an offer to just get married at the court house and take 8k for a down payment on a house. After a lengthy review of our finances we concluded a house in our area just was not feasible for us at the time.

Once we declined the offer they reduced their financial offering to 3k. At this point we had gone to my parents who offered to pick up the rest of the expenses so we accepted. This was several months ago that we came to this agreement. The date is swiftly approaching and her parents have paid less than 10% of their commitment to the wedding and even getting that took 2 months of begging. As an insurance policy we had her father sign a contract with the venue for the 3k he promised. My parents signed a contract for the remaining 10k.

Here is our issue.


It has been so much of a hassle getting them to honor their word that it's to the point where we cannot trust them. When the bride went to her parents house to view the dress it was missing. Upon questioning her sister she found out that her mother had moved it to a friend's house to keep her from getting it. We found out which friend had it and confronted her about it and she deflected.

The bride confronted her mother about this and she said she was welcome to come try the dress on at the house but it was not leaving the house.

Her mother is the type of person who rubs things in your face just to make you suffer. The bride asked her father who paid for the dress as her mother does not have a job if she could take it to my mother's house for safe keeping until the wedding. A whole slew of threats and vulgarities came out of her mother.

Here are some things I am pretty sure of.

  • Her mother hates me
  • She is jealous that her daughter is successful
  • She feels threatened that she has lost the ability to manipulate her daughter
  • She will stop at nothing to ruin this wedding
  • We are going to have to buy a new dress


Here are my questions.

  • What can we do to prevent future sabotage
  • Do we have an recourse with the dress
  • Should we fight back(i.e. Not invite them)
  • Anything else we should try?

Edited by: JDRoberson on Oct 7, 2009 1:17 PM - Fixed formatting errors

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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 1:26 PM Go to message in response to: JDRoberson

Here are my questions.

  • What can we do to prevent future sabotage
  • Do we have an recourse with the dress
  • Should we fight back(i.e. Not invite them)
  • Anything else we should try?
JD, do you know if there is a specific reason her mother hates you? have you tried sitting down with her to discuss what her issues/concerns are?
here's what i would do...
1. buy a new dress, her parents paid for that and if you want them to have no say over it, don't use it. if the dress was considered a gift, yes, you could go to court and fight for it... but do you really want to? do you want to make a bad situation worse? if her mother is so hell bent on keeping this dress, let her keep it.
2. to prevent future sabotage, don't take any money from them. don't ask them for any money they may have offered you. if you don't want them to control any part of the wedding, don't let them pay for any of it.
3. don't fight back, be the better person. invite them and have them be guests just like anyone else. don't go into wedding details with them, don't get them involved with any of it. but don't leave them out of the wedding. these are your future in-laws, for better or worse they are in your life now.
4. try sitting down and talking to your FMIL. if she continues to bad mouth you for whatever reason, people will know when someone is being crazy/bitter. don't do anything that would indicate that what she is saying is right if it is a blatant lie. if you are a good person, people will see that no matter what one person says about you.

good luck


 

 

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: JDRoberson

Sorry your fiancee is dealing with a mom who's a PITA (and, it sounds like, off her rocker).

Here are a few suggestions (& questions):

Are the father and mother still together?
Whether or not they're together, can your fiancee ask for his help in making her mom give HIM the dress, then he can get it to her? He bought it, after all, so it's his, technically.

I wouldn't go so far as to disinvite them from the wedding. IMO the type of parents who merit being disinvited are those who molested their kids, abandoned them, etc. While what her mom is doing could probably be somewhere on the spectrum of emotional abuse to an extent, so far what you've written about her behavior does not, to me, merit being uninvited.

Lastly, don't count on them for any more money. Let it go, stop asking them for it, etc. They haven't show themselves to be dependable. It's unfortunate and your FW doesn't have to be happy about it, but for the sake of your sanity I would let it go and move on. Find the money elsewhere.

And if you can't get the father involved in the dress situation, your FW should go buy another one. Then, I recommend you both involve them as little as possible in the remainder of the wedding planning. Too much stress.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 1:55 PM Go to message in response to: JDRoberson

Here is what you should try:

Pay for it yourself.

it's their money, they can spend it as they want. If they say they want $8K of it to go to a house, you either take it for a house, or decline it. If they only want to offer $3K now for a wedding, you take it for a wedding or decline it.

This really doesn;t sound too psycho to me. You actually sound a little on the bratty side to whine about them renegging on their financial offer. There has to be a reason, people don't just offer something and then take it back unprovoked.

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 2:15 PM Go to message in response to: JDRoberson

Ok, I am confused.

If your FW's mom was trouble from the beginning, why in the hell would you involve them in the planning at all?? If she didn't like you, would you really expcet her to happily write out a check for you to spend on a wedding she doesn't approve of? The dress should have never been with them in the first place.

Get a new dress and cut their involvement out of your plans, even if that means losing their 3K.

 

 

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Momzilla
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 3:54 PM Go to message in response to: krissygurl

This sounds like a whole mess. I always say that if you want something done right then you have to do it yourself. So either somehow try to get your dress from your mother. If she declines then you have no choice but to buy a new dress. She should not have been involve in the planning if she had issues from the start. I say screw her money and have your wedding with your own money! Even if you can't have a huge wedding.
                           
  

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