Will it be different after marriage?

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ChardaeJ Posts : 8 Registered: 8/11/09
Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Sep 29, 2009 8:32 PM

Thanks for all the advice!!!


Edited by: ChardaeJ on Oct 2, 2009 7:31 PM

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Sep 30, 2009 1:11 PM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

Dear Chardae,

Here is the best advice I can give you: See a competant, reputable marriage counselor. Your situation is far too complex for message board advice.

Talk to someone who can explore your various emotions and life experiences in a confidential, neutral, supportive atmosphere.

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Sep 30, 2009 10:48 PM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

See your OBGYN. Get your blood tested. Are you on BC?

When I turned 27, my hormones changed. My BC no longer worked for me and killed my life drive, not just bedroom drive. I wanted to do everything, but did nothing. Also, my B12 levels and Iron were low. Now, I have changed my diet and BC. I feel great!

I agree with AOTB that you need to seek a professional. There could be 9 million reasons why you have no drive. Start with your health and work from there.

However, I don't think getting married will make you want to have sex more. That's too Hollywood.

wedding ticker

10/3/09 5K for heart and stroke disease    2/21/10 half marathon for breast cancer 

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ChardaeJ Posts : 8 Registered: 8/11/09
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Sep 30, 2009 11:16 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

lol at That's too hollywood! I agree. I am on BC and a diet. I do have a problem with feeling heavy all the time and it affects my moods. Thanks for the advice

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ChardaeJ Posts : 8 Registered: 8/11/09
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Sep 30, 2009 11:17 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

am I that bad?

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Sep 30, 2009 11:37 PM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

My pleasure. I thought wedding planning was getting me down. DH was the one that suggested seeing my doctor. Best of luck! My doc had me monitor my moods, energy, and sex drive for one month on my BC. I had a chart to fill out. After she reviewed my chart, she said that my energy and breast tenderness along with mood would change based on my pills' weekly hormone changes. That was the first clue it wasn't all in my head.

wedding ticker

10/3/09 5K for heart and stroke disease    2/21/10 half marathon for breast cancer 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Oct 1, 2009 12:41 AM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

Dear Chardae,

"am I that bad?"

No, darling, you are not "that bad". You are a normal human being who is going through a difficult time. Normal human beings are hit on all sides by other peoples' expectations. You have the expectations of your FH (which need to be considered), plus your family, your upbringing, religious background, the media, movies, everything.

As others have mentioned, people's body chemistries change with time. I sure know mine has! The use of hormonal birth control can affect things.

So. My best advice to you is to see a professional. That person can listen to what you are saying in a holistic manner, and if necessary, make referrals to another professional. For example, the counselor might suggest you have a blood work-up done to investigate any possible biochemical sources for your issues.

It is as normal as seeing a doctor if you suddenly see a painful rash on your foot or feel nausea in your stomach. Something isn't "right". You go to a professional where you can have a confidential conversation in a neutral, supportive environment. Then, you see what can be done to resolve whatever issues arise.

Many, many normal people see professional counselors at some point in their lives. I've done that. Others have. (Show of hands, ladies?) It's all part of life.

There are many good ways to get a referral. You can ask your regular family doctor. You can call the local hospital and ask for a referral to a mental health professional. You can ask for a confidential conversation with your pastor and ask for a referral. Just state your issue in one sentence. "I am getting married and have some issues with the sexual part of marriage, and would like a referral to a reputable marriage counselor."

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Oct 1, 2009 11:38 AM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

I agree with going to the Dr. My old BC killed my mood. And I didn't put 2 and 2 together for a while. Once I stopped taking them, I was much better.

Also, there is nothing wrong with seeing your Dr. I was having major stress in my life, and it turned into anxiety and mood swings and everything. Finally DH talked me into seeing my PCP and she put me on an anti-depressent/anxiety med and it's night and day.

I think a lot of the time, we dont realize how unbalanced we are until we are making steps to change it! good luck!

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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ChardaeJ Posts : 8 Registered: 8/11/09
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Oct 2, 2009 7:31 PM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

thanks everyone for the advice

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lilylucy Posts : 47 Registered: 9/7/12
Re: Will it be different after marriage?
Posted: Oct 7, 2012 10:39 PM Go to message in response to: ChardaeJ

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