I will keep this really short.
My brother was with a girl for eight years, and she became a good friend of mine. We went to each other for advice, support, etc.
My brother is walking me down the aisle (dad passed away), and is also standing with my fiance as a groomsman.
I had asked his girlfriend to be a bridesmaid.
A few months ago, they had a terrible break up. He is completely shattered, and she has continued to treat him terribly. I will not go into details, but I am so angry with her for the way she is treating my brother. I have tried to talk to her about it, but her responses resemble a simple shrug of the shoulders; she just does not seem to care.
How can I have this person as a bridesmaid? The wedding is a year away, and honestly I'm not sure if I want to continue this friendship for another year.
Do I Un-ask her to be a bridesmaid? And if so, how? Furthermore, do I even invite her to the wedding?
She's behaving terribly, your brother is shattered and that's good enough reason to boot her out.
Try something like this:
"I was really sorry when you and my brother broke up. I truly thought you made a lovely couple. My brother is devestated. Now I'm in a position of having to choose between keeping my brother happy and having you as a bridesmaid in my wedding. I have decided that blood is thicker than water. I cannot turn my back on my brother. Therefore, I have to ask you to step down from being a bridesmaid."
Offer to reimburse her for any expenses she might have incurred.
Hold off on the decision for a wedding invitation. See what happens between now and the time you have to finalize your guest list. She may totally disappear from your life, and if so, you don't need to invite her at all.
This is someone who is not going to be in your life. Years from now, you will have a hard time remembering her name. Yes, tell her that due to the end of her relationship with your brother you feel it would be inappropriate for her to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn't even invite her to the wedding. She may get mad but it doesn't matter. Like I said, this is someone who will not be in your life. She is one of those "passing life friends".....
You are right that this is a person who will not be in my life in the future. When I asked her to be a bridesmaid, I felt that she would one day be my sister in law, but that is clearly no longer the case. Thank you both for the advice. I will tell her that I have to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid, and for now I will add her to the "B" invitation list (and the bottom of it at that), and wait to see what happens in the next few months.
I have to say that if her coming to the wedding would create a dramatic environment, or make it uncomfortable for my brother or other family members, she will not be invited.
"Blood runs thicker that water."
... so true AOTB.
all you have to tell her is that you dont want anyone, her or your brother, to be upset at the wedding, and you think its best if she is not in the bridal party. You dont need to go into details, and you dont even need to imply whether or not she is invited to the wedding or not. That part, I would wait to decide on until it is closer to the wedding. I mean, if you are still friends by then, and they have become civil, then maybe invite her. if not, then simply dont invite her. heck, the could get back together by then too....you never know! so, i would wait until then to make that part of the decision, but in the meantime, i would ask her to backout of being a BM