planning before engagement?

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kateinlove Posts : 8 Registered: 9/18/09
planning before engagement?
Posted: Sep 18, 2009 2:29 PM

My boyfriend and I have chosen a date a year from now for the wedding, but he doesn't plan on proposing for 8 months, once he graduates college. He's very traditional and wants to wait till he's done with school and can buy a ring. We've discussed everything from guest list to flowers, but he doesn't want any real planning to happen until we are officially engaged. I completely understand and we plan on only having a small backyard shindig, but it's kind of scary to think I will have only four months to really plan the wedding after the engagement. Knowing that we are exactly a year away makes me want to start buying bridal magazines and talking to family. I think realistically a lot goes into even the smallest wedding, and the more time we have to plan the more I can save by shopping around and making things myself. I know I'm overeager, but I can't help it.

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Tofu Posts : 66 Registered: 4/2/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Sep 18, 2009 2:37 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

Hi, I completely understand where you're coming from. I think a lot of brides do some research and maybe even planning before getting engaged (I sure did!) However, your 4 month engagement does sound like a tight timeline, especially if you are busy with work or other things. Why not push the day back a month or two to give you a little more time? Or get engaged without the ring?

Cool

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Sep 20, 2009 9:57 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I did some planning before getting engaged (getting the ring). I did some research and looked at wedding mags and wedding websites and such. I didn't book anything or make any huge plans until we were engaged. So I think it's ok if you just get an idea of what you want and then when you get engaged you can start book the venues and such.
                              

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Sep 23, 2009 2:23 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about the unfair position he's putting you in. 4 months to plan a wedding would be crazy, especially when you have all this time now (8 months). I would suggest either pushing back your wedding date or talk with him about him proposing sooner. I just don't think it's fair for you to have to cram your wedding planning into 4 months - the engagement/planning time is a wonderful (get stressful!) experience that you shouldn't be cheaped out on. Even if you are having a small backyard wedding, there are alot of details that go into it!

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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 9:08 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

Kateinlove I agree with the ladies, you should talk to him about the wedding process & all that is involved. Men don't understand how much planning is truly involved in a wedding. Next time the two of you are discussing your future, mention a few details of putting together a weding (invitations, location, photographers, caterers, DJs, etc) and that it takes time to schedule & organize everything. It will open his mind to the process & maybe he will re-think proposing after he graduates. Are you going to be in school & planning a wedding?
Goodluck with everything! Keep us updated!

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kateinlove Posts : 8 Registered: 9/18/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Oct 11, 2009 3:33 PM Go to message in response to: JerseyGirlVA

Thanks everyone for your advice! My boyfriend is actually really enjoying all this planning now, ring or not. We've decided to take the stance with anyone that asks that we are not formally engaged but we do have a date and have begun planning. Thanks again guys! much love....

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MaggieLou Posts : 1 Registered: 10/23/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Oct 23, 2009 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I'm glad you spoke to your FI. I spoke with mine about the reality in planning. We've been done with school for a while and he has the $$ for a ring. It was just a "this is how it is done" discussion.
He's still siked about planning a proposal and customizing a ring like he's building a car.
Good luck!

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JessicaLong Posts : 29 Registered: 8/31/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Oct 24, 2009 10:50 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

Does this date have a special meaning? If not, I don't understand why it's so crucial to get married ON THAT DATE, that will only give you 4 months to plan for. Why not wait until he proposes, then start the serious planning? It's fine to start getting ideas... but why the rush to plan everything for this one day? Unless the date has sentimental value, of course.

Getting engaged is not as easy as just picking the date, then working from there. I've been officially engaged for about 2 months now, and our date still isn't pinned down exactly. We have an idea (last week of May or first week of June) but we're still discussing venue and considering different travel concerns for family. I never realized how many considerations go into planning and chosing a date. It's nice to say that you've picked the date, but just don't be surprised if you end up changing it.

Being engaged is a very exciting time... why limit it to a stressful 4 months? Like you, I knew before the proposal that it was going to happen. And I was very eager to start planning too... but it's so much easier to be "offical" before you make downpayments and choose your attendants.

Also, do you really want to explain to friends and family what "unoffical" is? Personally, that would just lessen the importance of the pending engagement. I wanted the proposal to be special, not just a technicality that everyone was waiting for.

The anticipation is all a part of the fun. Sure, you can look around and start getting ideas... but seriously, what's the rush? Much more fun to try on wedding dresses without giving the discloure that, "Well, see.... it's not official yet, but.."

Just my .02 :)

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RenaeNBrad Posts : 1 Registered: 9/1/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Oct 27, 2009 10:17 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

I am in the same boat of planning before engagement. My situation is that my BF wants to have the money for the ring before proposing; which is fine. However he knows that there is a TON of planning to be done. (I help a lot of my friends with their weddings and so he has experienced a lot.) We have yet to set a date, but we really only have two options for all of 2010 one in April and one in June and the June one is very iffy. So looking at our limited options we have both decieded that we need to do some planning. Right now we are looking at diffrent photographers and their work. Also we have talked with our pastor and our church and they are holding our dates. We have been working on guest lists, finding address etc. We have been looking consignment for diffrent things that we are interested in for our wedding. Our parents know about this and are all for it. I want to be able to enjoy the ride from the proposal to the wedding and not feel stressed every day! Make sure you enjoy the ride of it all and don't get bogged down with details after details.

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amdjelly Posts : 48 Registered: 8/7/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Oct 28, 2009 12:14 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

You don't necessarily have to have a ring to be engaged. When my FI proposed, it was a bit impromptu and he did not yet have a ring, as he was waiting on a large check to clear. The ring didn't matter as much to me, so I told him the ring isn't what mattered to me and we could get it later, and we went ahead and told our families and started booking the venue etc. I consider my proposal date to be the date he said he wanted to marry me, not the day I got the ring. And trust me...it was not any less special without it. Plus, all you really need to book the venues etc are the date and tentative guest list (which you have), and of course deposits. I had everything booked except the photo & video before I had the ring.

Hope this helps!

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darylicel Posts : 28 Registered: 11/23/09
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Nov 26, 2009 11:21 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

it's best to set things straight to your bf. talk to him about things that you have in mind, like planning your wedding and all that stuffs, pros and cons. i think if you will explain to him the consequence, maybe he would consider an early planning.
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JenniferWillson Posts : 70 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: planning before engagement?
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: kateinlove

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