I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding

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Laurita081778 Posts : 2 Registered: 8/27/08
I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 10, 2009 11:17 AM

But it seems that some family members (and friends) think they are automatically invited. My only set back is - some of these family members have more than one child or I'm not really close to their spouse.

I don't know what to do.

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Machood Posts : 8 Registered: 10/3/08
Re: I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 10, 2009 11:23 AM Go to message in response to: Laurita081778

We went through the same thing. Everyone who's related to you seems to expect to be invited. Either wait until these people bring it up to you and confront the situation, where you'll have to find a tasteful way of explaining why you're not inviting them, or give in like we did and invite everyone and their dog and next-door neighbor.

You're not obligated to invite anyone you don't want to, but I think I know what your dillema is - explaining the situation. I'm too much of a wuss. Maybe you have the strength to put your foot down.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 10, 2009 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: Laurita081778

Dear Laurita,

How are these gate-crashers getting the idea they are invited?

GC: "Oh, I can't wait for your wedding. I just know I am invited."
You: Silence

You can't be silent. You have to make it clear that they can consider themselves invited only when the actual invitation arrives in their acutal mailbox.

Try again.

GC: "Oh, I can't wait for your wedding. I just know I am invited."
You: "I should let you know that we already know our guest list will be very limited. It is not yet finalized, but the invited guests will be getting an invitation sometime in April."

You are not obliged to invite children. There are many people who have adult-only weddings. You are obliged to invite spouses and fiancé(e)s, though. (I also include committed same-sex couples who do not have the legal right to marry.)

It does not matter if you are close to the spouse or if you have ever laid eyes on the person. If you invite a married person, you also have to invite the spouse.

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jmd22 Posts : 125 Registered: 7/17/08
Re: I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 10, 2009 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: Laurita081778

I'm having the same issue. We are actually having an out of state wedding, which cuts down on a lot of people being offended when they're not invited, since it's basically a destination wedding, but the place where we are getting married just happens to be about an hour from where one of my cousins lives. Now, I haven't seen this cousin in about 20 years, but we are Facebook friends, and when she found out I was getting married there, she posted something like, "Oh, that's so great, I haven't seen your family in such a long time!" So I guess she's assuming that she's invited.

And then I just saw her mom (my aunt) recently at a funeral, and she also said "Oh, that's so great that you're getting married there, cause then we can just stay at **daughter's** house!" Again...why do people just automatically assume that they are invited? My family is not at all close to her family, we never see them, not even on holidays. In this case, I was kinda taken aback, and didn't really say anything to let her know that she would not be getting an invite.....I am a chicken, haha.

I think that my reply to anyone else who makes that assumption will just be to tell them that we have a very limited guest list, as space is an issue and we can only invite a certain amount of people--which is true, because we are getting married at my fiance's parent's lake house, and they can only fit about 50 people at the most, which is perfect! I think I need to practice my "No, sorry, you are not actually invited" speech a few times, so that next time I'm caught off guard by someone trying to invite themselves, I will be prepared! :)

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ErinGlamour Posts : 11 Registered: 8/30/09
Re: I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 10, 2009 7:02 PM Go to message in response to: jmd22

^ You could also say "due to budget constraints..."

If you're worried about hurting family's feelings, have the intimate wedding, and then throw a small celebration for all who weren't invited to the wedding. Surely they're understand, especially if they simply wanted to share in the celebration.

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 13, 2009 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: Laurita081778

When I got married I knew I wanted a small wedding so I purposely only invited my most closest of friends and relatives- people I want to spend time with and know that they truly wanted to be there. However, most people don't want to feel as though they aren't in your "inner circle" (even if it is obvious that they aren't). For me it helped that my wedding was a DW but even so from the very beginning I spread the word to every last person who heard about my engagement that my wedding was going to be small. Of course, small is relative but nobody needs to know your exact number. So, tell your friends and family to spread the word that your wedding will be an intimate affair and that should help some non-invitees expect to not be invited. However, be prepared for some of them to ask you anyway so have a good response ready! Don't feel bad about not inviting someone, though- weddings these days are getting completely out of hand and it is only natural to try to scale things back to some kind of manageable number.

Good luck!

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: I plan to invite only close family/friends to my wedding
Posted: Sep 13, 2009 6:02 PM Go to message in response to: Laurita081778

I got married in June and invited only parents, siblings, and our children. My nieces and nephews (my siblings kids) were of course invited. I think it is not enough to just say "close family and friends". You have to be more specific. LIke, we are only having grandparents, parents and siblings. Or we are only having grandparents, parents, siblings, and first cousins once removed. (ha ha) But seriously, you do have to be specific. I had the same problem with other family thinking they would be invited.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

 

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