How to include Brother in wedding

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scatterjoy Posts : 117 Registered: 9/27/06
Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 1:04 PM Go to message in response to: redraider413

I also have a similar situation as you- we have 5 attendants on each side and FH would rather not replace any of his GM for my brother.  We decided that my brother would be an usher, but it still did not feel right for me since both of FH's sisters and my sister are BMs.  So, I decided to have my brother stand on my side- next to my sister who is MOH.  So, I will have 6 attendants and FH will have 5.  As for walking out of the church, I will have one BM escorted by 2 GMs so, my brother would walk out with one of the GMs.  I am really much happier with this decision because then all of our siblings will be standing at the altar with us.

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Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: May 2, 2008 3:47 PM Go to message in response to: redraider413

I had a similar issue at my wedding.  My husband picked his GM but I had to figure out what to do with my two brothers.  As they are both younger then me I had to be creative. One of them greeted guests and the door by the guest book (He was @ 12 at the time).  My other brother escorted my mother down the aisle. They both felt included and involved and I avoided issues with hubby.


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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: May 2, 2008 5:51 PM Go to message in response to: redraider413

Maybe there is a reason why FH said no? If there is some tension, then respect the decision and find another role for your brother. I'm not including my FSIL because we don't get along at all, but I may ask her to read for us just to extend the olive branch. 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: May 3, 2008 12:53 AM Go to message in response to: redraider413

You have over a year to your wedding.  Let things calm down and see where they lay.  you do NOT have to have even sides, if that is what you choose.  Have your brother as usher and say something.  that's more involved.  

If you both are set in the numbers, I'm sorry  but then your family has to deal.  Sorry but they all seem immature.  My opinion.   

I do wish you luck. 


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pb1119 Posts : 36 Registered: 11/19/07
Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: Sep 8, 2009 2:30 PM Go to message in response to: redraider413

I know this thread is old, but I had to comment.

I think it's total BS that your fiance doesn't want your brother to be included with his GM.

I hate how people are like "my side" "his side"...it's the WEDDING PARTY meaning a combined total unit of everyone involved in the wedding. Some are girls and they wear dresses and are called bridesmaids and some wear tuxes and are called groomsmen. But I don't think that means that the bride's bro should be excluded from the GM and the groom's sis should be excluded from the BM.

A wedding is a joining of two families so YES it makes sense and is very appropriate to have your brother be a GM. He is the bride's brother for god sakes.

I was engaged a long time ago to my ex bf and he pulled this same nonsense about not wanting my brother or my 2 bro-in-laws (who I am very close to because my sisters are a lot older than me and got married when I was young) as his GM. He was being selfish and groomzilla in my opinion. He had a little sister who I was including as a BM. I ended up not marrying him for a lot of reasons and now when I think back to that, I can't believe he was being so selfish.

My current fiance is happy to include my brother and my 2 brother-in-law's as groomsmen. It was never even an issue. Sure, he doesn't know them as well as his own friends, but we are all going to be family soon and including them as GM means something special. I am also having his sister as a BM.

When my older sisters and my older brother got married when I was younger, all siblings were included in the wedding party in all the weddings. It's just the right thing to do. If a bride or groom excludes a sibling that their future spouse would like included, they are being extremely selfish.


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Edited by: pangiebear1119 on Sep 8, 2009 2:31 PM

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Soon2BAPrice Posts : 50 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: Oct 2, 2009 1:35 AM Go to message in response to: pb1119

i too, had to reply to this knowing it is an old thread...but i'm posting with thanks that my girlfriend doesn't have time for forums ;)

when she and fh's bFF got married in august, SHE picked his wedding party...fh was of course the BM, he and groom had been friends for nearly 11 years...so it was a no-brainer...but the bride wanted her brother in the wedding, and chose him to be the 2nd groomsmen...of course, i really don't understand why, as her brother has done nothing but cause trouble for all of us, including causing some major stress in their relationship...and i do mean MAJOR, to the point her groom was considering leaving her, that's how bad her brother is...and while i agree with the above poster that the families are coming together, i think the bride and groom should each pick their own attendants, b/c each are choosing the friends who represent themself the most. and so my fh is only having 1 groomsmen, the above groom...who will actually be best man...and in all honesty, while in the last year his wife and i have gotten fairly close, i had only intended to have my true BFFFF stand up for me...but after things were patched up between she and i, she made mention of how before fh and i had picked a date, that we'd said we'd be each other's maid of honors...i wasn't her MOH, thanks to her brother...he decided his wife was MOH or nothing, and that meant he'd step out as well. and for 1 day, she felt it was worth it...but our situation in her wedding, is really why i feel each bride and each groom, should choose their own bridal party. i wouldn't insist fh choose my older brother, b/c he's my brother. i'd find something else for him, to include him in the wedding. and fh doesn't have a sister, so i'm not worried about that.

just thought i'd share my 2 cents...

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enchantingchick Posts : 1 Registered: 9/17/13
Re: How to include Brother in wedding
Posted: Sep 17, 2013 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: redraider413

Hi, I realize this forum is pretty old, but wanted to attempt to be a voice of logic and reason for others reading this. I am getting married in 2014 and have 2 brothers. My fiance has a lot of close family and friends. He is still trying to decide on whether to have my brothers as groomsmen so I have been looking at alternative ways to include them in the wedding if they are not groomsmen and stumbled along this thread.

Have some lady balls girls! This wedding is a celebration of you and your future husband! While input from family members is normally appreciated, do not allow them to be divas and throw tantrums about how their preferences are not met at your wedding. It is not their day and they need to ultimately get over the fact that they are not going to get everything they want. Whatever you do, do not make emotional decisions and get caught up in their emotions. Keep things logical and reasonable. In the bigger picture, is it really such a big deal? It sounds like this (red's) family is being a little hard-headed and selfish to not understand that the groom alone has the pleasure of choosing his best mates.

As my fiance has not yet chosen his groomsmen for sure yet, I have not had to tell my parents my 2 brothers will not be groomsmen. If it does come up, my parents may react like yours and get emotional. However, I don't usually allow my parents feelings to influence my decision. I will tell them that while I am hearing them out and I love my brothers, only my fiance gets to choose his groomsmen and they need to respect the decision he has made. We will find other ways to include my brothers because while my fiance is not close with them, I am and want them included in my wedding somehow (I like the idea of them walking my mom and grandma down the aisle and maybe manning the guestbook).

Good luck with whatever you decide, future brides. Hopefully you consider my advice about keeping the logic in your decision and considering who you are trying to make happy when you make decisions (hopefully you and your fiance).
Cheers!

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