Registry, the obvious and the unusual

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Hemlock Posts : 28 Registered: 7/20/09
Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 3, 2009 6:53 PM

I was just wondering where everyone is registering.

I think we're planning on Target and WalMart, which are both the normal places at least in our area.
I also found an unusual registry for those of you doing themed weddings or an informal pot-luck reception: CandyWarehouse.com They have themed catagories of candy AND a wishlist registry!

I also wanted to ask what is the best way to ask for money rather than gifts. Do you simply put gifts of money are acceptable or what on the reigistry cards?

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SunnySanrio Posts : 70 Registered: 8/6/09
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 3, 2009 7:26 PM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

Personally I have selected three registries. Macy's, Target, and JCPenney. I was originally just going to go with two buuuut I don't know, I was bored I guess lol!

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 3, 2009 7:44 PM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

I've never heard of anyone who doesn't like receiving money as a gift, so I don't think you need to tell people that money would be "acceptable." In fact, you don't even need to mention it. Unless they've been living under a rock, people can figure it out--or, they can ask.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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Southwick Posts : 14 Registered: 6/9/08
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 3, 2009 10:00 PM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

I agree with Myra. Alot of people will just automatically give cash. My future husband and I have been living together for a while and since we pretty much have everything we need we decided not to register. I've had a few people ask me where we are registered (since we didn't include any registry cards in our invites) and I've just politely told them that we decided not to register since we didn't have anything to register for. I figure we'll probably get some gifts but most people will prefer to give cash. Either way, we aren't too worried about it. :-) Hope this helps!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 8:55 AM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

Dear Hemlock,

"I also wanted to ask what is the best way to ask for money rather than gifts. Do you simply put gifts of money are acceptable or what on the reigistry cards?"

You say nothing about what you want a person to buy you without their asking. Do not include registry cards. Do not include any verbiage about wanting cash.

Gifts are voluntary. If someone wants to know if and where you are registered, they can ask and you can respond. Otherwise, don't say or do anything that even hints of proactively looking for money.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 10:21 AM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

1) We registered at Macy's and Crate and Barrel and were happy with both of them.

2) I'm curious as to why you're registering at both Target and Walmart. Don't they generally carry the same products? You don't need multiple registries. When people have more than one, it's generally because they couldn't find everything that they want/need at one store. If you can find everything at one store, just do one registry. It'll be much easier for your guests that way.

3) I don't really understand why anyone would want to register for candy. I like candy as much as the next guy, but I don't need enough of it to register for it.

4) There's really no polite way to ask for money rather than gifts - not directly, anyway. If you prefer cash, you can let your immediate family and WP know - that way, when people ask them where you're registered, they can say, 'They have a small registry at Target, but I think they prefer cash gifts.' You could also skip registering altogether or put very few items on your registry. When I see that a couple doesn't have a registry or that they have a very small registry, I usually take that to mean that they prefer cash gifts.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

We ended up registering at Macy's, Bed Bath and Beyond and Crate and Barrel. Our original plan was to register only at the first two, but we just weren't happy with the selection of glasses (mostly the shape and size of wine glasses for the price) at either, so we ended up with a small registry at C&B.

We've really liked all three. I haven't had to return anything to C&B, but both Macy's and BB&B have been AMAZING with returns. We returned received one item that was missing a piece from BB&B, as well as a duplicate item and a couple that we just didn't want as much as other items on the registry. No problems AT ALL. Macy's is my new hero because they jumped through hoops so I could return a couple off-registry items that people bought in other states and don't show up in their computer. (I.e. we got a set of ugly coasters from someone and they didn't even show up in the computer, but I knew were from Macy's. They found it on their website and gave me the store credit - yay.

We tried not to duplicate things between registries. I will say that post-wedding, as we're getting ready to use some of the cash to buy the things we still needed, we've been moving things around a lot so there's some duplication for a few days. Our china is cheaper at BB&B with a 20% off your entire purchase coupon that I've been saving forever, so we moved all our china there, for example. But in general, I either tried to pick the store that had the item cheaper, or split the set between two places. (Aka, I registered for 4 sets of china at BB&B and 4 at Macy's, because it could be cheaper at BB&B, but was never in stock. Whereas, someone could walk right into Macy's and bring it home. But even where I "duplicated" items, I never had more than the total number I wanted to receive on the registry.

 

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TheCalyx Posts : 9 Registered: 9/3/09
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 11:11 AM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

Bloomingdales. I already have all the basics, just need some special items.

www.PinkCalyx.com

Jewelry for the Modern Bride & Bridesmaids: 

http://pinkcalyx.com/michellecolleen.aspx?page=4

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KatyDee Posts : 48 Registered: 7/2/09
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: Hemlock

We're registering for our honeymoon! We had friends who did this, and it worked out great. We cant afford a honeymoon ourselves, so we found this website: Honeyfund.com. You enter in all the information about what you want to do on your honeymoon and then break it down into small gifts. Such as:
Airfare - 10 gifts of $50.
Snorkeling - 4 gifts of $20
and so on.
We set our own limits, and people can buy as much or as little as they want. It keeps track of what particular event people contributed to, so after our honeymoon we are going to write everyone thank yous with a photo of us doing the activity they helped with! I think its really neat because I feel like giving someone an "experience" is the coolest gift to give.

In addition to that we are registering at Target for those who want to bring a gift.

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BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 3:49 PM Go to message in response to: KatyDee

As far as registering for honeymoon expenses...

I'm not sure if there is an etiquette rule about it, but I wouldn't want to do it - how do you know ahead of time if you will get enough donations to even go on your honeymoon? Do you just put it all on your credit card when you make reservations, and then hope that people give money? What if you end up with enough money for snorkeling, but not enough for the plane tickets?

www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 3:49 PM Go to message in response to: KatyDee

Dear Kathryn,

". We cant afford a honeymoon ourselves, so we found this website: Honeyfund.com. "

Why would any one in their right mind want to give you cash through a website that will take a percentage off the top?

If I were inclined to give you cash for your honeymoon, I would avoid the middle man and just put it in an envelope with a note on the outside "For Your Honeymoon". That way you would get 100% of my gift, not some lesser fraction.

Registering for a honeymoon is like registering for cash. Really rude.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 4:09 PM Go to message in response to: KatyDee

While I share some of bibliophile and auntofthebride's concerns, I also believe that giving someone an experience is much more valuable than giving someone material goods. I would be wary of the fees associated with the registry, however, although if you really think about it, the fees are likely no more than what most people are charged in taxes and/or shipping on their wedding gifts.

In thinking of the risk of not raising quite enough $$ for any given aspect of the trip. . .don't you also run a similar risk on an actual registry? Like when you only get one towel? Or part of a table setting? In such a case, doesn't the guest reasonably expect that you're return the gift in favor of something else on the registry? So if you don't get enough for your honeymoon, couldn't you just get the cash and then put it towards something else? Or, better yet, put it into a savings account dedicated to travel and then save until you can go on such a trip?

Just thinking out loud. . . .

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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KatyDee Posts : 48 Registered: 7/2/09
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 4:11 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Well, we can agree to disagree, and thats fine.

Actually the website has no fees and doesn't take a percentage either. Its somewhat like paypal. And I in no way think that registering for your honeymoon is as rude as asking for cash. If someone feels that it is inappropriate, they don't have to get us a gift (of course), or they could get us something off of our store registry if they wanted to.

Actually registering for honeymoons is becoming more and more popular. Traditionally, honeymoons were given as gifts, granted it was from a parent(s), but I do view it as a gift. I think its nice for the guests to be a part of it.

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KatyDee Posts : 48 Registered: 7/2/09
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 4:14 PM Go to message in response to: KatyDee

I agree with you MsDenuninani. You run these same risks with any ordinary registry.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry, the obvious and the unusual
Posted: Sep 4, 2009 6:01 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Dear MsD,

".don't you also run a similar risk on an actual registry? "

Yes, and this is a big problem for the large store registries.

Registries were originally only for tableware. If you did not know the couple and wanted to get a present (ie you were Dad's boss' wife), you could go the safe route and get someting from the tableware registry. The couple would most likely get an incompete set of tableware, but no matter, they would fill in the missing pieces with their cash gifts, or (as in my case) parental Christmas gifts of china for the next five years.

Because in those pre-computer and pre-internet days, a registry was maintained at one particular store and with paper and pencil, there would be a store clerk who would keep track of the total purchases. That clerk would suggest to a customer what might be most needed. "She has lots of plates, but needs more cups and saucers."

If you had some idea of the couple's tastes, then you would buy them something else, but as a complete set. You would not just get one towel, but a set of towels under the theory that the bride would not know where you got that one towel.

The assumption was that if you knew the couple well enough to be invited to their wedding, you knew enough about them to buy an appropriate present. The tableware registry simply insured that all tableware was bought from the same pattern, and was a "safe" route for the timid gift buyer.


Compare that to now-days when the couple is given a barcode reading gun and sent out over the entire store. They register for everything under the sun, even items that will be replaced in the foreseeable future. (Towels get ratty. Mine sure do.) This has been extended to the honeymoon registry where the couple gets other people to fund their travel.

So, now we see questions like "I'd like to buy her something that is not on her registry. Will she be offended?". I find it incredible to think that someone could be offended by a gift that she did not pre-select for herself.

Ladies, if what you really want is cash for a honeymoon, then just respond that way if anyone asks.

"Dear, I'd like to get you a nice wedding present. What do you need most of all?"
"We pretty much have everything for the house already, but plan to use any cash we might receive towards a nice honeymoon."

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