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Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???

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Aurora1974 Posts : 43 Registered: 3/3/08
Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 8:19 AM

I was just wondering if anyone is doing a day after party of any kind. Part of me wants to and part of me really doesn't want the stress of planning one more thing for our families. I have been trying to let our mothers comments roll off my back, but I'm really getting tired of them telling me what I have to do and when I have to do it like I don't already know. And now they are starting in on this day after party. I just wanted something relaxing and low key not major and expensive. My feeling is that the big party for everyone was the reception and this is not a big deal.

What do you all think?

michigan , october_2009
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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,593 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 8:41 AM Go to message in response to: Aurora1974

hi aurora,

I think that a morning after brunch is a very nice touch, yet not at all necessary.

If you can afford to do it and want to do it, its a really great thing to do, especially if you have a lot of people coming in from out of town and your wedding is in the evening.

We had a Friday evening wedding, and about 50% of our guests were coming in from out of town, staying at the hotel we booked a block of rooms at, etc. So, what we did was we hosted a morning after brunch only for the people who were staying at the hotel. We had about 100 guests at our wedding, and about 45 or so at the brunch, give or take. We felt it was a nice way to say goodybe to everyone, spend some more time with friends and family in a more casual atmosphere, thank them for being there, making the trip, etc, and give them a nice breakfast right before they went on their journeys back home. This way, it sort of felt like everyone was leaving the wedding weekend festivities together, and it was really really nice. We held ours at the Marriott hotel where our guests were staying. We booked a private banquet room and our guests could come to breakfast from about 7am-10am I believe. It was a full breakfast buffet. What I did was when I sent out the wedding invitations, I included an insert with all the hotel booking information and also put "Kelley and Don will be hosting a morning after brunch at the Marriott Hotel on Saturday morning. Details will be at the front desk day of the wedding." Then I made up welcome bags and put the specific info on a scroll inside of them when people checked in.

Not sure of your situation specifically, but another less expensive option is hosting a breakfast buffet type thing in someones home who lives locally. Couple years ago I went to a wedding where the family of the bride hosted a morning after breakfast for anyone who wanted to stop by and see them off, etc. It was sort of like an open house, people could come in and out whenever during the morning hours. They had bagels, scrambled eggs, coffee, juice, bacon, sausage, muffins, etc etc. It was really casual and really nice.

So, the answer is, its up to you. Dont feel guilty for NOT offering it , as its not necessary. But if its something you feel you can do, then go ahead.

Also, depending on your honeymoon plans, you dont even have to attend the brunch. If youre going on honeymoon right away, then the party can be hosted by family or at the hotel, and it is specifically for the guests, a nice gesture. If you are still around, like we were, you can attend and say yoru goodbyes to everyone.

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october_2006 , michigan , october_2009
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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 10:56 AM Go to message in response to: Aurora1974

I had a morning after brunch at the hotel where we had our reception/room block. They had a restaruant that served brunch on the weekends and all I did was tell the event coordinator that we wanted to have a brunch set up for our guests. The only thing I had to plan was to set up a time and decide whether or not we wanted to use a private room or use the restaurant. They reserved an area in the back of the restaurant for us and all we had to do was show up. The bill was handed to me (er rather my FIL since he offered to pay for the brunch) at the end and that was that. It was really great for us because it gave us more time to mingle with our guests. And I didn't have to wear a dress...LOL. Not everyone who was at the wedding came, it was mostly our OOT guests and close family.

I don't know your situation to know if it would work for you specifically, so I can't really say if it's a good idea for you or not. If I had to do more planning than picking out a time for everyone to show up, then I probably wouldn't have done it. So knowing that, if you don't want to spend more time and money planning it, don't. Also, it doesn't have to be elaborate at all. It can be as casual as a backyard bbq. You don't even have to host it if you don't want to. If I didn't do it, I'm pretty sure my mom would have. Maybe you can suggest that to the mothers if they're pursuing the idea of a day after brunch/lunch. If they want to throw this elaborate party (on their dime), let them and you just show up as a guest. (or not )



~~~~~~~~
together is a perfect place to be because it's there that you can be delightfully imperfect. and there's nothing closer to perfection than being loved just because you are. 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 11:26 AM Go to message in response to: Aurora1974

Well I think its completely up to you and what you want. Do you wanna sleep in the next day? Do you want to visit with everyone all over again? Just some thoughts.

For me, I didnt wanna see ANYONE the next day. So we planned our flight to our honeymoon for 8am the next morning and were out by 6am the day after our wedding. Didnt have to see a single soul and didnt want to. I figured if my mom or his mom wanted to do something, they could plan it. As the bride and groom, I didnt feel it was necessary to stick around or be expected to be anywhere the next day.

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michigan , october_2008 , october_2009 , central_new_jersey
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Lori82 Posts : 151 Registered: 3/21/08
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 11:44 AM Go to message in response to: Aurora1974

We're going to be staying at the same hotel as our out of town guests. All we're going to do is put a little note in the gift bags we'll leave in the room inviting them to join us at such and such time in the lobby at the continental breakfast. Honestly, our families and I have already put in so much time, effort, and money towards planning this thing, that doing a huge breakfast the next day would just be too much.

The decision is totally up to you. If both of your mothers are giving you crap about not having one, simply tell them that you do not have the time or finances to organize or sponsor the day-after brunch. Then, if the mother's want to take on the planning and pay for it themselves, that is up to them. I've found it so much easier to just stand my ground on certain issues. My future mother-in-law spent a few days complaining about the favors we plan to use. We just stuck to our guns since we are the ones paying for the favors. If she wants to us to spend all this extra money on the favors she wants, she can pay the difference. This is the one time in our lives where we get to be selfish and do what we want!



michigan , october_2009 , illinois_chicago
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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 11:53 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

It's your decision whether you want to entertain guests the day after your wedding. Sure, it's a nice gesture, but not necessary. Dont' let anyone make you feel guilty for not hosting one because the reality is you're going to be exhausted and you probably won't want to get out of bed! Good luck

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

michigan , september_2008 , october_2008 , october_2009 , georgia , central_new_jersey
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 12:51 PM Go to message in response to: Aurora1974

Dear Aurora,

The moment you and your new husband leave the wedding reception is the official end of your participation in wedding festivities and the official beginning of your honeymoon and life together as newlyweds.

You are under no obligation to do anything with anyone else, except each other.

If your parents want to plan a day-after brunch, fine, let them. Just tell them don't expect to see you there. You'll be "busy".

(Personally, I think it's a bit weird for the newlyweds to show up post-reception, but that's their own choice.)

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 2:31 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I'm a fan of the day after brunch, but it's not obligatory.

My wedding planner told me that if we wanted to do it super casual, we could just use a room and have bagels and coffee for guests to pick up as they left. We ended up inviting people to join us at a restaurant the next morning if they wished -- we worded it so that they understood that they would be paying for their own meals. In retrospect, it really wasn't necessary and I was really tired -- if I could do it over again, I'd just do it full-brunch style where we'd pay for it, or not do it at all.

But really and truly, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Let them do it without you. Otherwise, you have to be there for the whole thing, and it can last up to 5 hours. Who needs that? You're newlyweds!

__________________________________________

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Aurora1974 Posts : 43 Registered: 3/3/08
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 2:44 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Thank you everyone for all of your suggestions. For the ease of it, I would love to have a brunch at the hotel where our reception is, but it's just not in our finances. Unfortunately, my mom and dad live out of town so they can't host it either. I personally would LOVE to just be off on our two day pre honeymoon (real honeymoon is in February due to finances again). However, FH feels that all these people are coming from out of town so we should do something. My stance is that we are entertaining them both Friday and Saturday night and that should be plenty. So, we'll see what he says when I give him these suggestions. He's out of town on business so we won't be able to discuss until he gets back in a couple days.

Thanks again!!!!

michigan , october_2009
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Stephy77 Posts : 109 Registered: 9/2/08
Re: Day after brunches/lunches/whatever???
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 4:29 PM Go to message in response to: Aurora1974

Yeah that does make it tough. In my case my parents are divorced so my mom hosted her friends and family as did my dad and stepmom as did his parents.

We didn't obligate ourselves to anything and it was the best idea ever! We sleep in so late and had our first married brunch together. Just my opinion but even though you enjoy your reception so much the next day it catches up with you. Alot of energy spent visiting with your guests and having a good time. You may not feel like being "on" the next day.

Not sure the polite way to do this without obligating your parents to pay. Maybe word of mouth that Tommy's has the best brunch in town and that is where the families will be brunching the next day. That way even though your parents are out of town as are your guests they all know where they can continue the festivities if they so choose.

michigan , may_2009 , october_2009 , rhode_island
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