How to memorialize someone who recently died

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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 9:19 AM

My uncle died on Monday in Greece. For obvious reasons I was unable to attend his funeral yesterday. They have funerals very quickly in Greece. My parents were already there, so they were able to be there with the family. Since my wedding is 2 1/2 months away I wanted to set up a nice memorial but I don't want it looking like a shrine. Something not depressing and something not in the church since we cannot set anything up there. Do you suggest somthing like a candle with just a nice note about all our loved ones who we've lost or something specific to him since it's so close to the wedding that we lost him? I don't want to ask my mom since she is still dealing with her loss (her brother) but I'd like to get some ideas. One that I thought of is more general, like a tribute to all our loved ones, that way it isn't like a memorial to one person--I don't want to offend anyone who thinks I am leaving someone out. Or is it better just to not have anything at all? I have included in the wedding program a little note about all the loved ones "not with us today" type of thing towards the end of the program. Is that adequate?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 10:02 AM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

I am sorry for your loss.

DH and I had a memorial candle at the church, but they allow us to set it up. Ours had names of close loved ones that we had lost. If you are looking for something more general, you can set it up at the venue. Near the placecards would be a nice spot, so everyone will see it. You can put a framed poem next to it. For example:

"Those we love don't go away
They walk beside us everyday
Unseen, unheard, but always there
Still missed, still loved and very dear."

or

"Although we can't see you
we know you are here
Smiling down, watching over us
As we say "I Do"
Forever in our hearts,
Forever in our lives,
And so we say our vows
In loving memory of you."

 

 

P.O.O.P.E.R. - People Offended by Offended People Executive Recruiter

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 10:50 AM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

I think it is very nice to find a simple way to memorialize those who can't be there to share our special day. For me, it was remembering my Mother, who died when I was 13 of Breast Cancer. I asked all the women in the wedding to wear a pink ribbon or a piece of pink jewelry. I had a silver ankle bracelet from Tiffany's with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on it. It was very nice and I felt my Mom was honored.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 1:26 PM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

Or is it better just to not have anything at all? I have included in the wedding program a little note about all the loved ones "not with us today" type of thing towards the end of the program. Is that adequate?

This certainly would be my choice. I would avoid anything that looks or feels like you're turning the wedding into a memorial service.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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DaZzLiNgSaGg23 Posts : 12 Registered: 1/17/08
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 12:23 AM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

I will be using this advice
thank you for this suggestion
CoolXoxO Faith and HappinessSmile

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Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 2:16 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I will have to agree with Myra & Bride 2008 (I think) on this one......Just something simple in the programs stating that anyone who has passed on both sides are missed.

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 4:19 PM Go to message in response to: Mrslinnben

To me, this depends on how close you were to your uncle. If you had a close relationship and people may expect some kind of memorial or tribute, I think there is a tasteful way of doing something simple without turning the wedding into a memorial.

FH's mother passed away after a long battle with breast cancer a month ago. Our wedding is in 3 weeks, and to be honest, whether we did any sort of memorial or not, everyone will be thinking of her and missing her that day. Because there is an extra place at FFIL's table now without her there, we're going to leave that chair empty and put a yellow rose there (her favorite flower), just as a silent nod that she should be sitting there and that we miss her. I think if it had not been so recent, we would have done something more like a memorial candle or one of the things the other posters mentioned, but since you're in a similar boat with the timing, if you're close to your uncle you might want to do something like this.
P.O.O.P. - People Offended by Offended People

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MrsSy Posts : 504 Registered: 7/6/08
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 6:47 PM Go to message in response to: MrsM2009

I agree with Myra. My Godmother passed away unexpected and 10 days later my uncle died. This was a month before my wedding. I couldn't go the funeral b/c both were in PR. I was very close to both of them. They were like second parents to me. We didn't have wedding programs, so we included both of their names in the Prayer of Faithful during the ceremony. I was going to have a table with pictures of them and candles at the reception. But my mom and my sister though it was going to bring everybody down. At my Godmother's viewing they gave away little keys with a prayer. I put that key on my bouquet. I know they were both with me on my wedding day.

Finally Mrs. Snyder

Proud Member of the P.O.O.P.

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CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 7:00 AM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

Hi, another idea you could look into is having a memorial table. We're paying tribute to all loved ones that have passed away, and will have a beautifully set table with all their photo's in frames, with a little name tag beneath, a poem and tealight candles. We've lost a lot of people who've meant so much to us, people that have shaped us into the persons we are today, I feel it will be sad if we "forget" them during this very special day.

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

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Sharkgirllovesc... Posts : 39 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 1:20 AM Go to message in response to: CoutureBride27

My father passed away 6 years ago and since he is unable to walk me down the aisle, I'm having my 82 year old grandfather do it. It's the proudest day of his life =)

For my father, I'm carrying a rose in his school colors: purple and gold. You see, he was a VERY huge fan of his school, St. Augustine High School in San Diego. He would go to every home game and even away games up to a 2 hour drive away. In fact, his school now has the 'James O'Hara spirit award' that they give to one person each year. My aunt said she went thru his clothes to see what she could give to charity and whatnot and 90% of his clothes, right down to his boxers, were purple. So it makes complete sense to me to have his tattoo that I'm doing (mascot daydreaming on cloud, cloud says "Go Saints" dates of birth and death underneath) be completely in purple as well as the rose I am carrying on my wedding day be purple with gold trimmed glitter.

As soon as I get down the aisle, I will place that rose in a vase that says "In Memoriam" and it will be on the same table as our unity candles and behind the vase will be an 8x10 of my father.

When the officiant asks my grandfather the question of who gives me to my fiance, he will say "In memory of her father, I Do"

I think it simple, not too much of a downer but I very so much want him a part of my day.

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RedStormGirl Posts : 184 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 10:15 AM Go to message in response to: Sharkgirllovesc...

I was going to suggest something like what Sharkgirl said...

I was at a wedding last year - the bride's father had passed away some time before as did the groom's mother (the couple were in their 50's, and first marriages for both). At the church, the flower arrangements were in their memory. They were made up of Bells of Ireland (the MOG's favorite flower) decorated at the base with a ribbon in blackwatch plaid (the FOB's favorite pattern). The program explained this. I thought it was a beautiful and subtle way to honor their memory.

I know you can't really have anything at the ceremony but a similar idea can be applied to the reception. Is your family Greek? Regardless, perhaps if there is something that was very important your uncle..a particular saint, a particular place, or maybe his line of work? In that case, you might get something that is a small representation of that (a small statue of that saint, a picture of him at that place, or a firefighter's helmet, etc) and put it on a table off to the side where guests enter, maybe with a little note to it. And on the note you can add "and in memory of all our loved ones who have gone before us" or something like that.


 

"Where you are is where I belong...I do know where you go is where I want to be." - DMB

Proud Member of P.O.O.P - People Offended by Offended People.

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: Sharkgirllovesc...

Sharkgirl, your post bought a tear to my eye! That is very touching without over-doing it.

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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Sharkgirllovesc... Posts : 39 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: How to memorialize someone who recently died
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 1:33 PM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

Awww thank you! It's going to be a very tough day for me as this is the second one that my daddy hasn't been able to attend =( First one was because we just got hitched =( Thank the Lord he was able to be here for his first grandbaby's birth and hold her a year and a half before he passed away =(

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