Children at the wedding

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GollumsGirl Posts : 57 Registered: 7/7/09
Children at the wedding
Posted: Aug 4, 2009 11:01 PM

My FH and I have decided that we don't want small children at our wedding, but how would we go about this? I have had a few ideas listed below, but don't know if they are good or bad.
Details first:
So my neice is 9 and will definitely be in the wedding.
My best friend/ BM has 3 girls ages 5,8&10 who I really really want to be there but how do I invite them and no others? I don't want 3-4 flower girls.
My other good friend/BM has 2 girls 1 & 4, but I don't want to invite them. How do I manage that?
I was thinking 10 and under would not be invited, maybe even up to age 13?
It is a Saturday evening wedding at a nice location and could last pretty late.
I had this idea that since most of the children that would be left out are from my church, and the church isn't that far away, maybe I could get the teenage church girls to babysit during the wedding? So all the parents can drop off their children and then come pick them up when they are done for the evening. I am thinking about even making it a "kids party" with a theme and games and everything, it might cost $50 max. I am also hoping to be able to afford to pay the sitters myself rather than asking the guests to do so. If I can't afford it, then the guests would feel obligated to pay for the sitters. But then, because it's a party, maybe they wouldn't be paid because they aren't paid to help with other parties, but that might be going too far.
Is this necessary to have babysitters? I was thinking it was the best way to make sure the parents could come without children.
Is this tacky to have the parents drop their kids and come alone?
Or even rude to ask that children don't come??
Am I going over the top trying to take care of people?
I am just curious what your thoughts are.

wedding tickers


Sharkgirllovesc... Posts : 39 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: Children at the wedding
Posted: Aug 5, 2009 12:41 AM Go to message in response to: GollumsGirl

As a mother who lives in Idaho and was attending a wedding 5 years ago in California let me tell you what happened to me:

It was my former BIL's wedding and they told us to fly down. My then-husband was unable to attend but told me to go with our 1 1/2 year old daughter. We told the BIL and his wife numerous times I was coming down with our daughter not to mention so did my former MIL. The day came to order the plane tickets and we were having problems with our credit card working (address wasn't matching with whatever program they were using). We called them to see if they could loan us money as we were getting a large tax return before we got down there and I would bring it with me.

When I mentioned bringing my daughter, they said "Children aren't allowed, it was on the invitation" I said, "Yes but we mentioned it numerous times and you never corrected the problem. Plus, we are family traveling from a ways away, we figured you would bend the rules a little" They said, "No, absolutely not" I figured they had a backup plan (like you did) and asked if they had the church nursery staffed or a list of reliable sitters, they told me it was up to me to find a sitter. I was upset. I then compromised and said, "I'll skip the wedding and bring her to the reception (thinking it was going to be noisy anyways so she couldn't possibly mess anything up there)" They told me that children were not to be at their ceremony nor in their wedding video!

To make the story short, we ended up not coming because they were rude. Not only that, a family from even farther away came WITH their kids and apparently the bride had a breakdown or something. Now, it's a family joke with them (well everyone but that particular couple) the other former BIL is getting married and my former MIL asked them if children were allowed at the wedding and the new soon to be bride said "Sorry, my name is not stuck up Robin!" hahahaha!

I think if you offer a sitter, especially to out of town guests (who have no idea who to trust in your area) it would be nice. Or have it no children to the ceremony but children are welcome at the reception? Up to you but I think it would help offset hurt feelings if you did offer free sitting.


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