Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 2:53 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bWellsFargo

I don't think I have ever openly defied my mother on so many things before. It has always been easier to just give in to her. Standing up for myself is still very new.

I think you're doing pretty well so far. :) In my relationship, it's FH's mother who is the problem. FH has a very hard time standing up to her. It took him seeing just how much her abuse hurts me to take a stand. Even now, he doesn't always stick up for me, which hurts, but I understand that she is his mother and it's not easy for him to just tell her off. He does his best. It seems like you are doing your best. I'm sure that you haven't been perfect about knowing when and how to tell her to back off, but you are making the effort, and that is the most important thing.

I wish I could tell you that things will magically get better once kids are involved, but I know from my own childhood that's not necessarily the case. It may come down to telling you mom, "Little Susie's birthday party is next week. You are welcome to celebrate with us, but I will not tolerate any nasty comments towards Derrick's family." Leave it up to her. If she can keep a civil tongue, she's welcome. If not, then she can go scratch. Good luck!!!

 

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Soon2bWellsFargo Posts : 125 Registered: 4/29/09
Re: Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: starfish701

Your right I shouldn't have said it like that. You were not one of the people who have been mean about this whole thing. It just gets so frustrating when people are constantly telling me to cut her loose or whatever when they don't realize how hard it has been and how far I have come with her.

Two years ago I would not have dreamed of telling her no about anything and now I am not only saying no but doing things my way.


Daddy's Little Girl

 

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MagicalMomentsP... Posts : 742 Registered: 3/6/06
Re: Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bWellsFargo

DLG,

Congratulations on growing up! Growing up is not easy. Learning to set your boundries as you become an adult is difficult not only for you but also for a parent who refuses to let go. As one who has been through this myself, I know it is not easy. There will be times when your mom just will not get it. But you have to remember who you are and decide what you want. Perhaps you should no longer call yourself "Daddy's Little Girl" as you seem to have outgrown that. Now, you have become "Daddy's Girl"

Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer

Magical Moments Photography


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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 6:21 PM Go to message in response to: Heidibride30

You make a good point. I worked in the mental health field for 18 years and can honestly say that people with certain personality disorders will never change. You have to figure out how to live "around" them or cut them out of your life forever. I have a family member like this too and we have just learned to accept the person and not let it get to us. It is a hard thing to deal with.

It is necessary to set boundaries with these type of people though or they will bleed you dry. I call them "energy vampires".

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

 

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Soon2bWellsFargo Posts : 125 Registered: 4/29/09
Re: Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2009 7:55 AM Go to message in response to: MagicalMomentsP...

Thank you Mr. Howard for the advice and the compliment. I will remember who I am and who I am becoming.

Heidi I hope it doesn't come to the point where I have to write off my mother, I know it must have been difficult for you growing up if your grandmother was anything like my mother. I hope any future children don't have to experience that yours or mine.

Daddy's Girl

 

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: Our Compromise... Separate... Divide.... Or Shoot her!!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2009 9:26 AM Go to message in response to: Soon2bWellsFargo

Wells, I hope it doesn't come to that, too. When you do have children, I'm sure that you will make the choices that are in their best interests. Good luck!!!!!!

 

Proud member and S.C.A.T. of POOP - People Offended by Offended People

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