Christian Sex

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 2:33 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Misty,
I think you are exactly right. So many of our thoughts and beliefs about sex come from what we have learned in church, from our parents, and from society in general. As a family counselor, I encourage parents to talk to their kids about sex in a non-shameful way. If parents refuse to discuss it because it's "nasty" or shame their children in any way, those feelings of shame can stay with us into adulthood.
I personally am very devoted to my Christian faith, and see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex. However, I must say I sooooooo admire the young women on this forum who have such high morals and values. I was recently working with a 15 year old girl who is having sex with anyone and everyone because she has such a low self esteem she just sees herself as a "piece of ass". I am trying to instill in my nieces and stepdaughters the importance of self respect... learning to be a strong woman and deciding what is right for you when it is right for you.
As brides and former brides, I think we should all respect each other as women and be supportive of each other. I think what you said makes total sense. You gave very good advice. Nice to meet you by the way. :)

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 2:38 PM Go to message in response to: starfish701

OH MY! I want to join YOUR RELIGION! ha ha! That is totally awesome!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: brownegirl

I don't think my comments were offensive initially... and I wasVERY polite until people started the name calling and etc. I think many of the other posters just couldn't accept my views so they decided to start bashing me instead and making some sort of "hazing the noobie" game out of it(mature right?). Then they started mocking my experience as a virgin and etc and literally twisted EVERY comment I wrote out of context. I could have said God bless you and they would have turned that into something negative as well.

But I give respect to those who deserve it, and I respect the fact that you were woman enough to express your views without the name calling and etc...so I have no problem with you giving me your take on the issue.

As for the other people, I would hate to have to post studies and etc that back up my views bc at the end of the day they will probably still have something rude to say.
-The Blushing Bride

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 3:06 PM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

TNBridezilla, I've seen how there can be massive misunderstandings on the boards. The thing is that people on the boards don't know you, they only know what you say. All of the women on here can be great or they can show lots of teeth depending on what they understand from your posts. I confess that I can be one of them. WellsFargo had a rough time at first but now that is a thing of the past. You seem like you can be a nice person from your response to me. Stick around and try being a little less confrontational. :)

Good luck with your wedding planning.
That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. Innocent

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cldeross Posts : 113 Registered: 6/24/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 4:28 PM Go to message in response to: brownegirl

Sorry maybe someone has already said this, but I do not read posts by TNBridezilla any more so I am unaware of what may have been said.

What I would like to say is that I have been enjoying reading this thread and would like it if everyone could get back on track. The posts and opinions are awesome and I have learned so much about all of you.

Edited by: cldeross on Aug 2, 2009 1:32 PM

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 5:19 PM Go to message in response to: brownegirl

Thanks for the advice.
-The Blushing Bride

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

This was your first TNBridezilla

Re: FH is a porn addict

Jul 23, 2009 12:29 AM in response to: kennysoldwife reply

That is good for you. Me personally, I think it is very disrespectful for a man to drool, seek, fantasize and want any other woman. Especially if your wife is hotter than the porn stars. I mean... if their wife is fat and ugly, I could see how the guy might lose interest and want to see hot girls naked...but it is just not right. It seems like a slap in the face in my opinion...and I don't condone that.If they want to see naked pics/vids,they should make their wife take some pics, and then just look at those.

Yes some women don't mind the porn...but I think many if not most...don't like their husband watching it. I think many women just accept it, but at the end of the day...if they had a choice they would rather their husband not watch porn. Any woman who says "Hey, I love it when my guy watches porn!" is just rare.

post in the Porn thread:


<<<<<<<<<
Essentially: If you are hoter than a supermodel, then your husband shouldn't look at porn, but if you're fat and ugly, I can see why he might want to. He shouldn't do it, but since you're unattractive, I can see why he might want to see a hot woman.

The responses to you got progressively more hostile because you started calling women insecure, trashy, etc who disagreed with you. You insinuated that attractive people remaining virgins until marriage were rare -- when really it has nothing to do with the hotness quotient. Yet your attitude did not reflect that.

And when you came onto THIS thread, where we were having a discussion which had not degraded into anything, you chose to bring your Porn issues over here and start flinging insults rather than contributing to the discussion, which tells me that you have troll behavior

Now, just so you see:
1. I hate porn and I will say it absolutely was a contributing factor in my divorce.
2. I was a virgin on my wedding night...at age 27. It was a personal choice, and I had a lot of opportunities to have sex. I may not be Heidi Klum hot, but I don't think I'm tragic either.
3. My FH is the 2nd man I've ever been with, so clearly, not a casual sex person.
4. Yes....I agree. TMI <G>

However, each relationship is different.

Back to the topic.

Misty

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 6:16 PM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

ATN, can you not see how saying to someone to "get tested" is like me telling you to see a speech therapist because I can't stand Tennessee accents. There's offensive then there's attacks.
Happiness is you MIL's face on a milk carton.

wedding ticker 

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 7:16 PM Go to message in response to: cldeross

I have also enjoyed the thread and have learned a lot too. It has been so refreshing to see women who discuss these type of issues!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

 

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 7:28 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Mush, I'm loving the new signature. LOL. I'd love to see MIL's face on a milk carton.
That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. Innocent

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 8:56 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Having a thick TN accent will not harm you or I. However, not getting tested could possibly have someone go without knowing they have an STD. People are advised to get tested all of the time....that is not something I should feel bad for suggesting. While I might not sound like a southerner, I don't see anything wrong with those who do. People from all regions have accents that are hard to understand when they go into other regions...I'm sure your accent might be hard to understand if you moved to a new location.
-The Blushing Bride

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 9:30 PM Go to message in response to: brownegirl

TN- Having a thick TN accent will harm me. Deep southern accents make me want to put needles in my ears.


Thanks, Browne. You know someone mentioned that we are taught ideas about sex by our parents. That's 100% true. However, I have only been thinking about myself. I haven't thought about DH. Browne, you just triggered that thought! Hooray for you!

My family history: My parents taught me based on Christianity. Ideally, sure, they would have liked the "idea" of me finding true love and only sharing myself with one man. Yet, they are not stupid. My mom knew when I started having relations with my HS boyfriend at 17 1/2. She didn't berate me. At that point, what difference would it make to "shame" me as someone mentioned? She made sure I understood the value of sex and the importance of safe sex no matter how much I loved the boy. To date, I have been with 5 men.

DH: DH grew up in single parent Catholic home. To his mom, men are assholes and women are whores. She's extreme about everything. She harassed me when she found out I was on BC. She said I was murdering babies everytime I had sex. (Yep, she's true blue Catholic....doesn't believe in BC.) DH was shamed about sex, shamed about girlfriends, shamed shamed shamed. To date, he was with 12 women and lost his virginity 2 years older than when I lost mine. Tell me what good shaming a person does. It made him rebel, and he resented his mom for a long time. He said that the year he and I met was the first time they had spoken in close to a year.

Happiness is you MIL's face on a milk carton.

wedding ticker 

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 9:49 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Actually that was not my 1st post. I deleted a few of my posts after people started attacking me. So what you have there is my 2nd or 3rd post...maybe 4th. My first post was directed towards the OP where I poured my heart out to her and offered her POLITE advice. Someone then responded to that, and then I wrote the post that you have pasted above. Don't pretend you are blind....I NEVER insulted anyone until that lady called me an idiot. All of the insults were later directed at people who said rude things about me FIRST.

In love there are stages...during the romantic stage all is well...u think the person looks hot and etc. Throughout the years that fades off and on and eventually something more genuine begins to form. A true friendship based on unconditional love (agape). After years of being together the physical attraction will come and go as well. Add in a few babies and or the aging process, and people lose the sexual spark.
There are TONS of reasons why people turn to porn.So I am not denying that men look at porn for various reasons but YES some men look at it for the fantasy/physical appeal. I don't agree with it...I don't think a less attractive woman deserves for her man to look at porn...so that was not what I was trying to say. While I don't agree with the concept...I know that some men look at porn because they feel the woman is more attractive than the person they are with. Not every porn loving guy views it for that reason alone...but YES some do.

I have many guy friends who have said this as well. In fact, I was hanging out with a group of guy friends one time and one guy was pissed bc he couldn't get his internet connection to work at home so he had not been able to view porn for a while. He has a GF, so I asked him why he watched porn because he has a GF who he could see naked whenever he wanted to. He just looked at me crazy and said, "Right......I want to watch HOT girls naked!" He basically said that his girlfriend wasn't hot enough for him to prefer watching her naked. I was shocked that he would actually say something so honest/disrespectful in public. I know his GF, and she is overweight and not the type of girl who he likes to watch in porn...but he could have been less disrespectful about it.

I don't condone that notion because I don't think ANY woman deserves that type of treatment. So maybe I should have explained that more in the beginning...but my post was taken wayyyy out of context. I wasn't throwing it out there as an insult to women who might have low self esteem...but it appears to have hit a sore spot with many people.

US sociologist Harry Brod, commented on the issue in
Segal's essay Sweet Sorrows, Painful Pleasures, and his quote sums up what I was trying to say. He talked about his own personal experience with porn in the essay as well as those of other porn loving men and why they all watch it. He basically stated that love/feelings wasn't enough to get him off...when it came to sexual pleasure...he turned to the better looking women in the porn despite his love for the woman he was with. He says many men feel this way as well.

Here is his quote:

"There have been too
many times when I have guiltily resorted to impersonal fantasy because
the genuine love I felt for a woman wasn't enough to convert feelings
into performance. And in those sorry, secret moments, I have resented
deeply my lifelong indoctrination into the aesthetic of the
centerfold," Brod said.

-The Blushing Bride

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Soon2bWellsFargo Posts : 125 Registered: 4/29/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 10:11 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Derrick and I are waiting. I am a virgin but Derrick is not. I always wanted to wait until my wedding night to be with the man I love. I always thought it would be special. I have a few friends who are virgins and a couple who are not. All of us feel that sex is special and should be something you share with the person you love.

My one friend who is a virgin is not a Christian at all. She doesn't believe in God or any religion at all. She just feels she wants her wedding night to be special. She wants to share her first time with her husband. She thinks it will make it special.

I have another friend who has had sex a few times, she is a Christian she feels sex is a way to show her love for her guy so she has had sex with them. She does not fall into bed with every guy she meets. When she decides to have sex, she is in a committed relationship.

Another friend is a virgin, she has only had sex one time and it was not by choice. In her head and her heart she is still pure, she has never given herself to anyone. By some peoples standards I suppose she is no longer a virgin but to her and her fiance she is.

I don't think any more or less of any of my friends because they have or haven't had sex. It is a personal choice. Some people want to wait and some don't. Those that wait are no better than those who don't.

My parents are a lot older than my friends parents and because of that they had a very different view of sex than my friends parents did. My mom and dad grew up in the 40's and 50's and my friends parents grew up in the 60's and 70's those are very different time in this country and the views on sex were changing for a lot of people.

When my parents got married in the 60's the views on a woman having sex were that you did your duty and produced children. My one friend her parents aren't even married. They have been living together since 1982 and have no intention of marrying. Her parents are in a very loving relationship. From what I can see their relationship is better than my parents who are married.

I'm sorry this has gotten so long but I just wanted to explain my views on sex. Pre-marital sex is only wrong if you feel it is wrong. In the end we each have to answer only for ourselves.

Mushaboo, I just wanted to say that I like your new signature line also. Sometimes I think I would be happy if Mother's picture were on a milk carton.


Daddy's Little Girl


wedding websites

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Christian Sex
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 10:18 PM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

For someone who is still a virgin you sure "know" a lot about porn...

Do you not realize that what may be "hot" to you, might be ugly to someone else? Do you not realize that not every guy is attracted to girls who are DDD's and size 00? If you can't realize this, explain to my why there are different types of porn. There's porn with over weight people, there is porn with little people, there's even porn with people who have no limbs! (Gotta love what you learn from morning radio shows!). What about anime porn? Does that mean that if you watch that then your attracted to the girls drawn in anime? Any category of people out there, I'm sure there's a porn for it. Also, I've seen enough porn to know that it's definitly not only attractive people in pornos.

Also, the reason I think people were upset by your post was that you insulted pretty much every girl on here who doesn't watching her man watching porn. Just because you don't want your man to watch porn doesn't mean your insecure. Some people consider it cheating. If your man cheated on you and you were upset, does that mean your insecure?

Edit: OK so I read my first paragraph and it sounds like I'm really into porn...just wanted to note that I'm not no porn freak or anything, LOL.


Edited by: FutureMrsDJLeo on Aug 2, 2009 10:22 PM

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