is this tacky??

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
is this tacky??
Posted: Jul 31, 2009 11:31 PM

ok so my mother and i have been the main planners for my upcoming wedding and everything has been going smoothly. My father is the type of guy that very rarely gets upset about things and almost always lets my mother have her way.

The issue is that my mother and I had planned on having a beer and wine only bar. We will also be serving a champagne punch, but no liquor. My mother wanted to save money and also she is not a big drinker so it didn't seem like a big deal to her. My fiance and I both enjoy alcohol but don't want to get drunk on our wedding day so we don't really care either. We went to a friends wedding last year that was just beer and wine and no one seemed to mind.

Well all of a sudden my dad catches wind of the fact that it will be just beer and wine ( he is a bit oblivious most of the time) and freaks out. He thinks it is tacky and redneck to only offer beer and wine. A lot of our guests are traveling long distance to come to our wedding and he thinks it is cheap for us to just do beer and wine.

So the dilemma is.....do I let my mother and father duke it out or do I say something? They are paying so it is really up to them and I am perfectly fine with just beer and wine but my father rarely cares about things so I feel like if its that big of a deal to him maybe we should go with it?

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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 12:25 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Frankly, I don't see what is tacky at ALL about serving those two drinks, but...here are some thoughts:

1. You can always make beer and wine more "upscale"---just find a nice, lesser known beer from maybe a local brewery or one of meaning to you. For instance, my FH and I are going to serve a German beer in celebration of my heritage.

2. If your father insists on serving mixed drinks, make a limited menu of 2 or 3 drinks, OR have one Specialty Drink for that night. Remember your guests--I know plenty of people who wouldn't drink a specialty drink over a good glass of wine or a nice cold beer any night.
My Planning Blog

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GollumsGirl Posts : 57 Registered: 7/7/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 1:57 AM Go to message in response to: ChelsRae85

Beer and wine isn't tacky. With that said, let your parents duke it out, it's their money. Especially since you don't seem to be opposed to either of their desires.
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lrwahl Posts : 22 Registered: 7/28/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 4:43 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

I agree...I don't think it's tacky at all. I have even seen it as a suggestion to save money on reception costs in a few bridal magazines. A good example of tacky when it comes to your wedding would be a cash bar. That's tacky. I'm not sure what your colors are or if you have a theme or not, but you could choose one signature cocktail in addition to the beer and wine you will be serving to either match your colors or go with your theme. And if you will be serving champagne for toasting, you could have some orange juice on hand to make mimosas.
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 10:44 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Dear Zoe,

Let's see.

Either choice would be OK with you and your FH, the two people who matter the most.

Your mother feels strongly one way, and your father feels strongly the other way. I'd say let them duke it out. Why waste your own energy worrying about something that doesn't matter much to you?

Proper Etiquette would tell you either choice is perfectly acceptable. A wedding without any alcohol at all would be simliarly acceptable.

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carebearny1999 Posts : 1,253 Registered: 9/21/07
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 10:58 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I had an early afternoon reception with soda, beer, and wine free to guests, and they had a cash bar set up for those who felt the need for something stronger. Nobody seemed to mind! Do what you can! I wasn't going to pay $15 a person for a full open bar when over half the people didn't drink!

 

Proud member POOP - People Offended by Offended People

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 11:40 PM Go to message in response to: carebearny1999

I like the idea of the signature drink but I am kind of at a loss as to what to choose. My friend who had the beer and wine bar last year used mojitos because they both really liked them. My fiance and I both hate mojitos although i know they are an "in drink" right now. Our colors are pink with accents of green if anyone has any ideas?? We will probably just stick with the beer and wine and champagne punch though, unless my father wins the fight with my mother. My mother almost never drinks (she gets tipsy off of half a wine cooler) and although both my parents are footing the bill my mother controls the purse strings and I am already so thankful they are helping to pay for the wedding that I am just going with whatever she wants. I guess I just feel bad because it seems like the full open bar is the only thing my dad has even voiced an opinion on. The kinda funny thing is that although I am sure he will drink to much on the wedding day it will just be beer so I know that isnt my mom's ulterior motive...she just wants to save money!!

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DaZzLiNgSaGg23 Posts : 12 Registered: 1/17/08
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 11:53 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

No it's not tacky and agree with ChelsRae85
CoolXoxO Faith and HappinessSmile

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 5:06 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Well in all honesty I think it would be better to add other options. I think you should have a bit more variety, and the good part is that you aren't paying for it. So since your parents are paying...I say why not add the other options(LOL)??? Also, I think champagne should be included as well.
-The Blushing Bride

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 8:29 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Zoe - First of all, I think it's perfectly acceptable to have beer and wine at the bar free and no liquor.

And I agree with AOTB and the previous posters who said that as you and your FH don't care one way or another, but your parents disagree - I would let them duke it out.

However, I think it would be acceptable to sit them both down, tell them that you and FH are OK either way - so it's their choice, BUT you've had confirmation that just having beer and wine is NOT an etiquette breach.

Good luck!

 

 

 

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 8:30 AM Go to message in response to: BlushingBridezi...

MOST of the other posters are correct -- it is NOT tacky. But since this is really not a matter of your budgeting but your parents, letting them duke it out is best for all -- don't take sides in this. It's commendable that you're looking to save money, and alcohol is an EASY place to cut the budget. However, the compromise of the Signature Drink is a good one, and you can search drinks by color on this site.
http://www.castlebrandsinc.com/recipes/

Under pink they have, for example:
Berry Interesting
BrandsBoru Vodka
Pallini Raspicello Instructions1 oz Boru Vodka, 1/2 oz Pallini Raspicello, 3-4 oz Moët & Chandon White Star Champagne, 4 raspberries or blackberries muddled, 1 sugar cube. Muddle the sugar and berries in a mixing glass. Add ice, Boru Vodka and Pallini Raspicello. Shake and strain into a chilled champagne flute. Top with champagne. Courtesy of Gary Regan/Cocktails in the CountryGlass Flute

Drink for the Cure
BrandsBoru Crazzberry Instructions1 oz Boru Crazzberry, 1 oz BarSol Quebranta Pisco, 1 oz Hiram-Walker Pink Grapefruit Schnapps, splash of club soda, 3 slices grapefruit, 2 dashes Regan's Orange Bitters and a handful of cranberries. Muddle the cranberries and grapefruit in the bottom of a mixing glass. Add the remaining ingredients except for the club soda and shake well with ice. Strain over ice into a rocks glass and top with club soda. Garnish with a grapefruit twist. Courtesy of Jonathan Pogash/Elements of Mixology.Glass RocksColor Pink

Fluttering Heart

BrandsPallini Raspicello InstructionsChampagne topped with Pallini Raspicello in a flute glass. Glass FluteColor PinkHolidays Valentine's Day

Sofia and Eros
BrandsBoru Vodka
Pallini Limoncello
Pallini Raspicello Instructions1 oz Pallini Raspicello, 1 oz Boru Vodka, 1/2 oz Pallini Limoncello and 1/2 oz lemon juice. Shake ingredients in a shaker with ice. Strain into an ice filled highball glass and top with club soda.Glass HighballColor PinkHolidays Valentine's Day

Pink Lemonade Cocktail
BrandsBoru Vodka InstructionsIn a punch bowl combine 3/4 cup Boru Vodka, 3 (12oz) bottles of beer (not dark), and 1 (12oz) can frozen pink lemonade concentrate thawed out. Serve over ice in a tall glass and garnish with cranberries and fresh citrus slices. Makes about 4 servings. Courtesy of Southern Living Magazine.Glass TallColor Pink

And there are a bunch listed under green too.

Misty

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 2, 2009 8:01 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I think your post was meant for the OP...you must have tagged me by mistake.
-The Blushing Bride

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GollumsGirl Posts : 57 Registered: 7/7/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 1:35 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

If you want a signature drink, and happen to like Sangria, it's a really good choice. It's pinkish red and because the only alcohol in it is Wine, it's rather inexpensive as well. Here is a recipe for your interest.

1 bottle white wine or blush chablis
1 2 liter bottle club soda
2 cups sugar
3 oranges, thinly sliced
3 lemons, thinly sliced

There are more here, or you can just search.
http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,163,135187-253197,00.html
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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 3:39 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Zoe, my parents paid for my wedding, too, and I suggested the beer/wine/champagne toast idea to them to save them some money but my dad was like yours and was utterly horrified at the idea of not serving a full open bar at my wedding. So while I thought it was unnecessary it wasn't my money so I just went along with it and everyone was happy. :)

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CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: is this tacky??
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 6:48 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Hi, I would like to comment on the cash bar option, in South-Africa is quite the norm to have a cash bar available. Firstly, let me say, it's not tacky at all! Our wedding will have the following:

Whilst canapes are being served our guests will have pre-reception drinks with 2 of our signature drinks we still need to decide on. Our bar will have every drink available, and we've hired a professional cocktail shaker/entertainer, however, our bar limit is set to R6 000.00, so once this is reached the drinks will be for our guests own account but up to then they can have anything they wish to. Our menu is five star, consisting of starter, sorbet, mains, dessert, cheese platter, coffee&tee and truffles plus our fabulus wedding cake. Should you opt for this, you need to let the guests know it's a cash bar, so they bring with money.

Hope this helps!
: )

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

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