Bachelorette Party Protocol

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FallBride91909 Posts : 88 Registered: 7/30/07
Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 10:59 AM

I need to know the protocol for Bacherlorette parties. I have never planned or attended one. Obviously this is my party we are talking about so I know it is not up to me to plan it. What Im asking is who plans it and who pays for it.

My MOH and some of the other girls have mentioned planning one a while back for Sat. Aug. 8th. They ran some ideas by each other and that was the end of it. Now we are a week and a half away and she emailed everyone telling them what the plan was. (Dinner and over to her favorite bar for the ENTIRE night with HER friends...except she only told ME about her friends showing up). Well here is the problem, I have 1 BM who is under 21. 3 of the other BMs feel she should be included in more than just dinner and I agree. So the MOH asked me what I wanted to do about it and I suggested going to a place that had an outside patio after dinner to hang out for a while and maybe do miniature golfing before dinner even so that way she was involved in a little more. The BM is totally ok with this. My MOH doesnt think we should change her plans. Now she is pretty much telling me that she will buy me a drink that night but that Im expected to pay my own way for the limo, dinner and drinks. So, what is the protocol here?


"When you figure out love is all that matters after all, It sure makes everything else seem so small." - Carrie Underwood

9/19/09 I marry my other half, my best friend!                       www.mywedding.com/ashleybrian

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: FallBride91909

I think your MOH is kind of out of line. If she is hosting the party in your honor, you shouldn't be paying for things yourself. "Buying you a drink" does not mean hosting. If she isn't footing the bill, she shouldn't be controlling the activities either.

I would sit down and have a calm little chat with the MOH. Tell her you appreicate her hard work, but what she has planned really isn't you. Explain that you and the other BM had something else in mind. If she doesn't go with the changes, ask BM to host the b'rette party for you on a different night. I also have to say that it is rather nervey of her to invite HER friends to your party without asking if its okay.

 

 

P.O.O.P.E.R. - People Offended by Offended People Executive Recruiter

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FunkyBride Posts : 17 Registered: 7/28/09
Re: Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 11:13 AM Go to message in response to: FallBride91909

Yeaa that stinks. The bachelorette party is YOUR NIGHT. Yes, your MOH and BMs should throw it.. so you shouldnt dictate it completely. But the night should at least have plans that accomodate and make you happy. First you shouldnt be paying for crap... Thats not a law... but it's common respect. Secondly you should go to a bar you like... filled with all your gal friends not hers. Secondly giving the younger BM a little more time with yinz on your girls night out is very nice of you... and she should respect that. I would approach her with your concerns... hopefully she will pull her head out of her ass and oblige. If not I wouldnt make a big stink about it and just enjoy the night whatever may come. Good luck :)
....Smells like Teen Spirit....

wedding tickers

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 12:06 PM Go to message in response to: FallBride91909

Bachelorette parties are so touchy sometimes. I feel your pain.

I think the bride's opinion needs to be the first one MOH (or whoever is planning) takes into consideration. For me, I am pretty chill (well I was when I got married, I'm a little more wild now lol). So I suggested a place to my girls, we all did research and then planned it. I also invited other close gf's who were not in the wedding. No limos, nothign crazy. Dinner, and lots of drinking. However I did suggest a NO penis policy but that was firmly rejected and I probably got MORE of them b/c I said something hahaha!

Well when I planned by bff's b'rette this year, I asked her what she wanted to do. She is one of the most easy going people I know, but she wanted to do a wine tasting somewhere in there. So I collaborated with another gf, we planned a tasting, then headed out to dinner and to party. I planned it as far as logistics went, but we all had a say. I didn't make my bff pay for the hotel, or anything. But I am pretty sure we were all chipping in for drinks during the night.

I think its important to include your under 21 BM . Maybe you can even plan a separate night where just the BMs do something non bar related. And I think she REALLY needs to listen to your opinions. I wont lie, I really dont think you should be paying for the limo. Maybe a few drinks here or there wont break the bank, but if the limo isnt your idea, there is no way you should pay for that.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: FallBride91909

The protocol is if it's not what you wanted, especially since she's making you pay, you don't go if you don't want too. Tell her you appreciate her efforts, but it's not what you want and you really want to include the underage BM. If she says she doesn't want to change her plans, I would say "then why did you even ask about our thoughts on it?"

One thing you guys could always do to is compromise if you don't want to upset her, maybe make a whole day of it, miniture golfing, something else, dinner, then later on you and the 21+'s can go out to a bar, doesn't have to be the bar she chose, but that way your getting what you want and your still doing what she originally planned. My MOH is my sister and she'll only be 17. I really want to go to some bars/clubs, so right now we've talked about doing a party during the day, like BBQ, then later on the rest of us are going to go out. But remember you are not obligated to do what she wants, so if you totally want to skip the bar/limo, that's fine and she'll just have to deal with it.

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FallBride91909 Posts : 88 Registered: 7/30/07
Re: Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 11:47 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

Thanks everyone. The thought of telling my MOH thanks, but no thanks in the nicest was possible has crossed my mind, but I quickly let that thought go...until I read everyone's response. At this point I dont even want to go. The limo wasnt my idea...in fact now Ive heard that the MOH's husband is going to drive us in their truck...but I still need to get a ride to and from her house. Now she doesnt live far away at all...but I am one of those people who will not drink and drive, at all. I have no problem picking up a round of drinks but this night was their idea. I guess I will just go with the flow to a certain point and see what happens. Thanks again!!


"When you figure out love is all that matters after all, It sure makes everything else seem so small." - Carrie Underwood

9/19/09 I marry my other half, my best friend!                       www.mywedding.com/ashleybrian

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Bachelorette Party Protocol
Posted: Jul 30, 2009 6:54 PM Go to message in response to: FallBride91909

I think it's great she's having someone pick you guys up and drive, better than taking the chance of someone driving drunk, but you atleast think they could pick you up from your own house!

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