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Help mom control problem..

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VermontFutureMrs Posts : 34 Registered: 1/6/09
Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 5:58 PM

My mom has always been controling even with my own money, she gets mad whenever i spend my own money. I recently started looking at dresses, and some that i like she shoots down. I want her to go dress shopping with me, but she will mostly give all her imput and not care even if its my dress. I feel like there will be a fight that day, I can already see it. Im kind of dreading it to be honest. I told her that i will buy my dress hoping that it will lower her imput level since its my money and my dress. After all i am the one who will be wearing it.


What do you think I should do?

Thanks,
Jen


wedding website

july_2012 , vermont
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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 6:35 PM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

Take someone with you! ;) Try to make her happy and let her pick out a few that she likes. Never know what might look good!

Life's not all beer and skittles, mate!

vermont , july_2012
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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 7:53 PM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

I agree that taking a third party might be helpful... especially if it is someone your Mom would not want to make a bad impression around. However, you said that your Mom has always been like this in all aspects of your life... and so her behavior is nothing new. You are a grown woman now, so it's time to learn to set some strong, healthy boundaries with your Mom. Let your Mom know you want her to be there and her opinion matters, but in the end you WILL choose the dress. On the day of shopping, you cannot react to any attempts she makes to boss you around. Be polite. Say, "Thanks for your opinion Mom! I am so glad you're here! But I like this dress better!" You can't control her behavior, you can only control your reaction to her behavior. Does that make sense?

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

vermont , north_carolina , july_2012
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 8:05 PM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

Another thing to do.... decide ahead of time that you will not buy a dress the first day out. No matter if you find one you love -- it WILL still be there. Think about what you liked, what mom liked, etc.... and plan on going again WITHOUT mom. Try on the dress she liked best. Try on the dress YOU liked best. If you already know that no matter HOW MUCH you love a dress, you will not buy it on the first try on, you'll have a lot less stress when your mom is trying to pick out the dresses. (And make sure that the bridal consultant is the one who helps you into the dress--not your mom)

If you have a bridesmaid who can go with you on decision day, that would be best.

Good luck!

Misty

vermont , september_2009 , july_2012
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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,300 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I think Cat has given you a good methodology to use for your day out with your mom. Other than that, I would say don't take her dress shopping with you!

I have a strong-willed, opinionated mother as well. Just remember that it's YOUR wedding and as long as you make sure to treat your guests and your FH well, it's YOUR wedding and YOUR right to have the wedding you want. Don't give in on stuff that's really important to you because you will regret it later.

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vermont , march_2008 , september_2009 , southern_california , july_2012
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Stephy77 Posts : 109 Registered: 9/2/08
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 3:33 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

I agree with Cat, the only thing I feel I should add and please forgive me for doing so as you didn't ask about this. Your wedding date shows 2012 if that is correct you really may want to hold off shopping for dresses as you would be amazed at how not only the fashions change but your own personal style can change within a few years.

vermont , may_2009 , rhode_island , march_2008 , september_2009 , southern_california , july_2012
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VermontFutureMrs Posts : 34 Registered: 1/6/09
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 3:52 PM Go to message in response to: Stephy77

Our date will probably be sooner, i'm not going shopping at the moment. i just wanted to know other people opinions.

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vermont , may_2009 , rhode_island , march_2008 , september_2009 , southern_california , july_2012
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 11:40 PM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

I want her to go dress shopping with me

So you say, but every other word in your post shows that you're dreading it. I agree that taking another person (or two) that you trust might put a damper on her. Another idea is to do a pre-shop. Take a trusted friend to a good salon and narrow down your choices (let's say to three).Then take Mom along and find out which she likes the best ("None of them" is not an option!) That way, she has some input, but only on things that you already know you like.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

vermont , july_2012
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BtownBride2010 Posts : 17 Registered: 2/22/09
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Aug 1, 2009 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

I understand where you are coming from. My mother in law is the exact same way..when i want something she thinks me and my fiance should do something different. i just say you should let your mom pick out a few dress's she likes and you try them on to make her happy and maybe you will end up liking one.
wish you luck
let us know how it goes

Daisypath Wedding PicDaisypath Wedding Ticker

 

~ BtownBride2010 ~

may_2010 , vermont , july_2012 , idaho
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jackson132 Posts : 1,662 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Sep 16, 2012 6:22 PM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

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Kimberly212 Posts : 2,211 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Help mom control problem..
Posted: Sep 22, 2012 3:44 AM Go to message in response to: VermontFutureMrs

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