vent

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aurora1220 Posts : 8 Registered: 7/6/09
vent
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 10:12 PM

Hey guys- I am new here and needed to vent!!

My boyfriend recently told me of an email/conversation my sister had had with him regarding my engagement ring. She told him he was "spending way too much and that I should be happy with a much less expensive ring," She doesn't feel like he should be spending any more than a couple of thousand on the ring.

To begin, I don't even know why it is her business in the first place. Also, I hate that she automatically assumes that I am being a spoiled brat about getting a more expensive ring. What is especially frustrating is that she doesn't that I originally picked out a much less costly ring in the beginning but my boyfriend didn't like it and encouraged me to pick something else out (which happened to be more expensive). Even after I fell in love with a more expensive setting, I told him to get me a smaller center diamond so that he didn't spend so much!

It is annoying to me that my sister feels like she has the right to be so opinionated about something that doesn't even concern her, and that she made an assumption about me that was wrong and hurtful. Yes, I am excited for my ring, but I am more excited to be with the man I really love for the rest of my life, and I wish she realized that.

Any thoughts on this???

thanks!

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 11:03 PM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

My thought is: talk to her.

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bridewannabe Posts : 132 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 2:01 AM Go to message in response to: Rose217

wow, why did he even mention this email to you? He'll get the ring he decides on, who cares what her opinion is. If I were you I would just pretend I never heard about the conversation.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 7:22 AM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

Yep, plenty

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

wedding websites

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FutureKennedy Posts : 3 Registered: 2/11/09
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 11:41 AM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

I wouldn't worry about it. Like one of the PP said, pretend like it didn't happen.

It does sound like she is jealous though to me.

Not sure how far along in your planning. But my advice is to keep money and what you are doing to the general public to a minumum.

I know in my situation people will come out and ask me how much my ring cost. I would never ask how much someone makes, how much is their house payment or what they spent on their ring. I think it is terribly rude unless you are a really close friend.

It's easy for people to say you are spending too much. Even though if they were in the same situation they might do the same thing.

If you do want to say anything to your sister, I would just mention in passing that your FH got a really great price on the ring. No one needs to know your business. And if you bring it up to her, she is either going to deny it or tell you that she thinks you guys did in fact spent too much. Which she isn't paying your bills, so why does she care.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 21, 2009 12:52 PM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

Understand this now, because it's very important in life: Most people have an opinion on everything. Doesn't matter if the situation has nothing to do with them, they'll still have an opinion on it. I don't even know you and I have an opinion on your situation. The only way to keep people from giving their unwanted opinions is to not tell them about the situation in the first place.

Now understand this: People have VERY strong opinions about anything money-related. If you tell people the price of any major purchase you make in life (engagement ring, cars, houses, your kid's schools, your vacation, etc, etc), people will inevitably tell you that you're spending too much or too little. People have very different incomes and spending philosophies. To someone who makes a modest salary or someone who prefers saving over spending, 2K might sound like a lot to spend on a ring. To those with larger salaries or those who don't mind splurging on big purchases, that might seem very reasonable. Never discuss money with others or disclose financial information. It just leads to arguments, jealousy, and general hard feelings.

In this case, your BF should have kept the amount he was spending to himself. Perhaps sis makes less money than he does, or has a very modest engagement ring - either one would influence her opinion on the matter. If he hadn't mentioned it, it would never have been an issue between the two of them. Now it is, and you feel criticized as well.

One more life lesson: It's true that people have opinions on absolutely everything. It's true that they'll often comment or give you advice on things that aren't their business. The best thing you can learn is to not let this sort of thing bother you. If you take every idle criticism you receive to heart, you're going to spend a lot of time second-guessing yourself for stupid reasons. Learn to recognize the difference between constructive criticism and criticism for the sake of criticism. If you can actually take something away from the criticism and improve it, by all means, do so - but if it's just a 'my opinion is different from yours' criticism, like this one, just ignore it. Who cares whether your FSIL thinks your ring is too expensive? She'll get over it.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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GONECRAZY Posts : 11 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 22, 2009 10:45 AM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

Your sister is obviously jealous!! I think its rude. She should be happy for you and be sharing your happiness and joy. You should tell her whats on your mind. Tell her to mind her own business .

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: vent
Posted: Jul 22, 2009 11:11 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Very good points Artbride, I agree 100% with everything you just said.

I have a question for some people who posted on this thread, why do you feel the sister is jealous? Could it be that she feels that way for any other reason? I feel that $2000 is a lot to spend on a ring and believe me I am not the least bit jealous.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

wedding websites

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: vent
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 1:50 PM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

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wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: vent
Posted: Sep 19, 2012 6:38 PM Go to message in response to: aurora1220

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