FH is a porn addict

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 12:29 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

I have a very high opinion of myself, ask anyone. For me it isn't a matter of whether I can compete with the girls in the porn magazines, or the movies or anything else it is can they compete with me. My husband thinks I am the sexiest woman alive.
My issue is not with the porn or the movie or any of that it is with the fact that the OP has decided to dictate the way her FH can find release. I say if she doesn't find a way to deal with her issues she is going to end up driving this man away.





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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

Flashbacks??? Of what? Was he on the sinking ship?

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

This is turning into one of those threads where the OP will keep coming back and changing and contradicting her posts. I am not playing anymore.

 

 

 

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 12:54 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

This thread reminds me of when my husband told me he used to (when he was way younger) masturbate to the scene in Star Wars with the nipple slip!

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cldeross Posts : 113 Registered: 6/24/09
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

Summer, you know a lot of men are not "really" into lingerie. It is very girlie and sometimes a man wants something more geared for men. Here are a few of my suggestions from the dance world.

These are all idea that are not only really cute but really inexpensive.....
Think shoes... Go get yourself a pair of really sexy black high heels, they don't have to be stripper heels, just super plain high pointy heels. Stilettos!!! You will be surprised how much he likes them..

Now, pair those shoes with something from his closet, you know the whole men's shirt thing? Well what if your man doesn't wear a button up shirt? How about a super tight white tank- top and a cute pair of white panties? It doesn't have to be a thong, it can be boy shorts. Matched with those black shoes, his tongue will fall out of his mouth.

You can even wear the shoes completely naked if you would like.... But save those shoes just for him or put them on when you are going out to dinner or just doing the dishes. It will be your way of letting him know what you have in mind for the night, and it will drive him crazy!!!!

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 1:12 PM Go to message in response to: cldeross

Kelley, that comment cracked me up.

DPN, totally enjoyed that little factoid.

I haven't seen it myself, I've heard good things about the movie 300 from some of my gal friends.

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cldeross Posts : 113 Registered: 6/24/09
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I wanted to make one last comment on this issue. At least he is not looking at pictures of little kids, animals, crap, dead bodies or any other twisted fetish out there. He is simply aroused by the sight of a beautiful womans breast. I think it is sweet. Most men I know think that movie is lame, sounds like your FH is a secret romantic.

Maybe you could try to recreate the scene from titanic for him one night.

But also, that movie was like ten years ago. Was he 16 when he watched this movie over and over? If so many boys use strange forms of media for their self gratification. And I hope this isn't something he told you in trust and that you are now using against him.

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 8:52 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

MrsD- I'm not a huge fan of overly steriod built men. So, 300 does nothing for me. I don't like blonde men. (Being blonde myself it's a turn off.) I think that OP's FH is really overthinking the "shame" of Titanic. Some tool told him it was wrong to get horny over a beautiful woman. I'd rather my DH to get off on Rose than a chick in the $9.99 porn bin with a metal bar bell through her lips.....and I don't mean the ones on her face.

OP, I love love love when DH and I stop at 3rd base sometimes. It's fun and a sexy change up from going all the way. Trust me. I think your FH wanting to make out with you while wanking is GREAT! You turn him on. What's better than that?

My DH is also not one into stereotypical Victoria's Secret gear. He loves boy shorts undies, very short skirts, and leaving my hair curly and pulling it up tossled off my neck. He loves little to no make-up. Smells....those are a big one that either turn on or off a lot of guys. I'm always trying new body sprays, etc. He loves light floral or clean scents. So, it's very easy to please him without spending a lot of $$ or making a huge effort. Just try a couple of things to measure what kind of reaction you get.

For everyone else who said that it should just be accepted that women are degraded in porn and that we should accept this is just something men do, think outside the box. When's the last time the leading man in a romantic comedy was butt ugly and overweight? I've thought of other guys during sexual interactions. I've been turned on thinking of an actor on a date with a regular joe. DH knows the only reason we own the movie Superman returns is for Brandon Routh. I'm going to see The Ugly Truth with DH next week not for Katherine Heigle, but I want to see Gerard Butler. I fell in love with him instantly from PS I Love You. To this day, it makes my heart skip a beat when DH will send me a text that says "pick up lunch meat, drop off mail....oh and PS I love you." Use your fantasy! Don't fight it.

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mainstdancer08 Posts : 140 Registered: 3/27/08
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I think if i re-create the rose scene for FH it might freak him out. I do have to admit though I did, before I met FH, have a huge crush on Daniel Radcliffe and whats so weird is that FH kinda looks like him it's not even funny. Another weird thing is though also after I met FH after awhile I found myself being more attracted to him than I was Daniel Radcliffe.

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Angele Posts : 76 Registered: 8/15/07
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 9:48 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

Wow, chica! Lay off the religion and try understanding men a little. Men are visually stimulated creatures. They don't go for the bull**** that a lot of women try to force on them like the cute, frilly lingerie or the candles and perfume. A mag, a movie, or whatever will get them off. Don't make your husband choose between you and a non-issue. He loves you, hell he married you, right?

Now, to delve into the Christianity bit for a second. I'm sure your pastor means well, but ignoring what arouses a man and calling that stimulation abusive to his wife/girlfriend is misleading about men in general.

Ask yourself this question: What do you find so offensive about porn? Is it the women? They're anatomically enhanced who never have a genuine orgasm. So why are you afraid of them? You should pity them. They have to peddle their goods for the entire world to see, any relationship that they might have is already in jeopardy, because honestly, could you see yourself as one of them going on a first date? The guy probably already knows what you do and expects you to put out, because lets call a spade a spade--your a porn star! You want to be a good Christian? Try a little understanding, a little sympathy, and a little less bitchiness.

Oh, and finally...women watch porn too. Drop the prude act babe, if you've done it, you know it, and when you get down to the technical details, its all the same sh*t. :)

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:46 PM Go to message in response to: Angele

Angele: I don't pity porn stars at all. They chose their profession, why should I pity them? Regardless of their circumstances, they don't HAVE to "peddle their goods". Lots of people come out of traumatic childhoods and don't end up porn stars or strippers. Lots of people are dead broke and don't turn to legalized prostitution to make money. It's a choice they made, so I don't pity them. I wonder if they're alright psychologically and think they need some serious counseling, but that's about it.

And really, I don't consider this a non-issue (if he is actually legitimately addicted to porn like they both seem to think). If it is interfering with their relationship, if his behavior is causing her pain, and if he KNOWS it hurts her but refuses to stop, then it is absolutely an issue. No matter what the issue is (because this can cover lots of different issues that couples come up against) no one should be forced to just "get over" the things that cause them pain or are damaging to their relationship.

As far as the abuse thing goes, I would say that it is abusive to continuously engage in a behavior that is harmful to someone else and expect them to just deal with it. At the very least, it's seriously taking that person for granted and being totally oblivious to their feelings.

Like I said in a previous post, in a healthy relationship you don't do things that tear your partner down--you build them up.

Relationships require compromise and sacrifice. That's why they aren't easy. That's why they fail sometimes--because people can't make those sacrifices. Because people are selfish by nature.

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mainstdancer08 Posts : 140 Registered: 3/27/08
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:50 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Thank you Ryanne.

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Jream Posts : 157 Registered: 7/29/08
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 11:49 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

Summer, you're still not addressing the issues some of us brought up about you controlling his sex life so much. I think you're just waiting until you get the answers you want from us, and then you'll be happy because you don't have to change and he does.

Truth is, you're telling him he can't look at porn and yet you won't have sex with him until he stops looking at porn. This punish-you-until-you-learn approach will NOT work. That's like that old shirt that says, "The beatings will continue until morale improves!" Refusing him sex will only make him want the porn more. You're controlling him like a puppet in this issue, and until that stops, and until you start treating him like an adult instead of like a child, your relationship won't improve.


How about a totally different approach? Instead of trying to eliminate the porn, why not try to figure out WHY he looks at porn, and what kinds of porn he looks at? Maybe he's got some fantasy he's afraid to tell you about, and you guys can work on playing out his fantasies instead of making him watch videos of it.

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 18, 2009 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: Jream

Summer: I agree with Jream about looking into why your FH looks at porn. I also think it would be a good idea for you two to get counseling before you get married.

I spent a lot of time talking about your FH, now I'm going to talk about you.

Let me just say, I understand where you're coming from, and I have a pretty good idea that I know how his looking at porn makes you feel. A little betrayed...you wonder if it's something you aren't doing right...you wonder why he won't talk to you about what he needs...you feel like crap because you know how those other girls look. In other words, it's not a nice feeling.

All of that being said, you can't let those feelings drive you to obsess over what he's doing. Feeling them isn't wrong or abnormal, but you can't let them control you. Your behavior will harm your relationship as much as his will. As much as what he is doing alienates you, what you do to try and control him will alienate him as well.

He needs to know how his behavior affects you. He needs to know the feelings it causes. But be careful how you approach it--you don't want to cause him to be resentful, to put up walls, or feel like he's on the defensive.




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mainstdancer08 Posts : 140 Registered: 3/27/08
Re: FH is a porn addict
Posted: Jul 18, 2009 7:04 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Well I think one reason why he looks at porn is cause he has been looking at it since he was in high school which he graduated from in 2003 and I supposed he had just gotten used to watching it alot. Another reason why I think he looks at it cause there is some stuff sexually that I won't do. I have tried giving him oral and i was very uncomfortable doing it so much that I told him to get the heck away from me and he told me after i told him that he said "Okay I promise I won't ever ask you to do that again, I would like it to be done but I don't need it" and that happened back in October, 2008 and he hasn't asked me for oral since then which is good. Also, I am not trying to control his sex life but I have just decided that I don't want to have sex again with him til we're married due to religion beliefs and even though he respects that he still tells me he wants sex with me but I always tell him "Even if i wasn't on my period (which i am on it right now and will be til Wednesday) i wouldn't have sex with you because we're not married yet". He is still allowed to masturbate but i kinda find it odd when he wants to make out with me while he is doing it. Currently me and him are doing a couples bible devotional and it is really helping us out with our relationship. We haven't started pre-marital counseling yet but hopefully we will soon.

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