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Inviting his ex wife

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happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 10, 2009 12:17 PM

Hello Ladies!!

I wanna know y'alls opinion and the general etiquette on inviting an ex to the wedding. My FH was briefly married to the mother of his two daughters, they divorced over 5 years ago. He has custody of one child and she has custody of the other. Both girls will be in the wedding party; one as a junior bridesmaid and one as a flower girl. Neither myself nor my FH get along with his ex and only communicate with her when it concerns the girls. But, her children will be in our wedding. Is it necessary to invite her? Is it rude to exclude her? I worry she will do something at the wedding to cause a scene as she has been known to do this in the past when she witnesses my FH being independent from her.

Thanks a bunch!

invite_an_ex_etiquette
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 10, 2009 1:03 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

Dear Kathaeleen,

No, it is totally not necessary to invite an ex. Inviting an ex works only in the rare circumstance where the two get along as friends and the new partner is comfortable with the friendship.

That is not the situation with your FH and his ex. She should not be invited, nor should she expect to be invited. The kids are in the wedding, and can be supervised by aunts, uncles, grandparents and adult cousins.

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StaciiSanDiego Posts : 7 Registered: 5/21/09
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 10, 2009 2:20 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I agree that it's uneccessary to invite the ex-wife. I also agree that the kids may be supervised by other relatives other than the mother.

www.Luxe(Budget)Bride.com Smile

southern_california
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His4life Posts : 117 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 10, 2009 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

Since neither you or FH get along with her DO NOT INVITE HER...you will regret it. The only time an ex should come is if both you and FH are on good terms with them.

Good luck.

invite_an_ex_etiquette , mexican_caribbean , october_2009
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triciam Posts : 128 Registered: 2/19/09
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 11, 2009 9:37 AM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

I see no reason to invite her especially if you don't get along with her.

upstate_hudson_valley , invite_an_ex_etiquette , july_2010
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bride4life Posts : 499 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 10:10 AM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

There is no reason to invite her.

invite_an_ex_etiquette
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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 2:14 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

You wrote, "but, her children will be in the wedding"

However, they are in the wedding because they are also your FH's children. SHE is totally irrelevant and there is no way I would invite her. We did not invite either of our ex's, nor did either of us want to. And frankly, who cares if they don't like it? I find it bizarre if either of ours would of thought they would be invited. It is not a day that you will want to even think about her, either of you, and there is absolutely, positively no etiquette rule suggesting even that you need to invite her.

Don't give it a moment's thought, it isn't worth it. You have the rest of your years together to deal with the ex(and you will have to because kids are involved); don't need to do it on your wedding day. That is the one day you can totally and completely ignore her.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

march_2007 , colorado , invite_an_ex_etiquette
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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

The way I see it is this: There is a REASON they are EXs! No way would I want my ex there. I don't even like him, and even if were were friends, I think it's not appropriate. Regardless of if their kids are in thwe wedding, there will be plenty of adults at the wedding that will be happy to keep an eye on them I'm sure. I say DO NOT INVITE her! I wouldn't even want an ex-bf there! Just something creepy about that.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

invite_an_ex_etiquette , march_2007 , maryland , colorado , october_2009
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jpersing Posts : 21 Registered: 7/12/09
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 9:02 PM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

Your fears are not unfounded so it would be wise for the ex-wife to just drop off the daughter and not attend the wedding. You sure don't want a jealous ex-wife to create a scene.

If you're curious to see my wedding pictures, they are at http://www.ehow.com/how_4863199_become-own-wedding-planner.html

Smile and inform your fiance about your decision.
Love conquers all fears.

invite_an_ex_etiquette , march_2007 , maryland , colorado , october_2009 , january_2008
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happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: Inviting his ex wife
Posted: Jul 13, 2009 2:31 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

Thanks for all the advice!! Y'all confirmed exactly what I was thinking. She will not be invited. Now I can rest easy and get back to the real issues at hand: picking bridesmaid dresses and which paper I wanna go with for place settings!

invite_an_ex_etiquette , november_2009 , texas
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