Broke up with FH

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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 3:58 PM

Hey girls,
FH and I broke up this afternoon after work. It was mutual and very civilised. I don't feel up to explaining why right now but I will later. Does anyone know what the protocol is on this? Can I email people instead of phoning? I just figured with the phone people will ask questions I may not want to answer. Or is this rude?

 

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Bally sorry to hear about your breakup for whatever reason it is still sad. You really don't have to tell anyone anything. You don't have to make any kind of announcement. As you talk to people you can just mention it in the course of the conversation. If someone asks something like how is the wedding planning going you can mention it then, something like we decided to end our relationship. It was a mutual decision, I don't feel like getting into the details but it was what was right for both of us. When or if you feel like going into details you can but it isn't necessary.

 

 

 

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 4:19 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

awww Bally! I would say I am sorry for you but I know you have been having some rough times with him...

As long as you didn't send out inviations and such you don't need to inform anyone unless asked. You could probably tell your close family/friends and they will get it out as needed.

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carebearny1999 Posts : 1,253 Registered: 9/21/07
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 4:39 PM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

**hugs** I agree with DPN--just tell close friends and family (as long as invitations/STDs aren't out) and they'll spread the word. If you've received any gifts I do believe you are supposed to give them back to the gift giver. (Luckily I hadn't gotten to that point (Other than my ring) with my ex-fh) I can honestly tell you someone better WILL come along! I'm living proof!

 

Proud member POOP - People Offended by Offended People

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 4:51 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Aww Bally, I'm sorry to hear that you guys ended it. I hope you are ok.

As far as I know you are not obligated to send out any announcement unless you have sent out invitations. Usually we just pass this sort of information along by word of mouth.

Again, my heart goes out to you Bally.


That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. Innocent

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Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 4:55 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Bally, I'm sorry, but please don't leave us, you are way too cool to leave....

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 5:35 PM Go to message in response to: Mrslinnben

Bally, noooo!!! Thats so sad. And it sucks. Sorry to hear it.
As far as protocol, just do whatever you feel like doing, whatever feels right.
I dont think you had a wedding date set in stone, right? If you did and had sent out invites orSTDS etc, then you would need to send out a followup saying the wedding has been cancelled or that the engagement is off. But, since I dont think you had gotten that far yet, you dont have to do a damn thing if you dont want to lol. Just tell your friends and family in your own time.

I have to say though, that I really really hope you stay here on the boards. I can understand maybe not wanting to talk about weddings lol, but even if you stick around all the other NWR stuff , because Id miss you if you left. You are so funny and always crack me up. Sorry to hear about the breakup. If and when you feel like it, you can tell us more. Or not. Up to you, but we are around if you feel like it.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 6:11 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Dear BCB,

I'm so sorry to hear that.

In answer to your question, you can inform people however you feel most comfortable. Your planned wedding isn't for two years, so I'd assume you have not sent out any paperwork.

You need not give anyone any kind of explanation, not even your pals here on the message board. You can email or phone.

"By mutual consent, our engagement is broken." Period.

Then, listen to the "Oh, that's too bad" type comments and move on.

Do, however, take your own sweet time to mourn. You are not accountable to anyone except yourself.

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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 6:16 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Thanks everyone for your kind words..
No invites or stds went out as we were to be married June 17th 2011, so too early. And no engagement gifts thank god...Its not really the done thing here.

Its strange because there wern't really any problems with us, apart from recently just bickering about shit going on in life like moving house,etc, but other than that, no major problems..and then we came to the realisation we had nothing in common....well no, we do..but not enough. We have seriously different lifestyles...in another thread, I can't remember what its called, but the girl seriously sounds like my twin! I just don't think it would have created a healthy marriage, esp with children. And he agreed. Happygirl actually said something that made something in my brain go off....basically she dated lots of great guys and was happy with them, but just because you love someone, doesn't mean you need to marry them.

We are so sad because we had a lot of plans, for example, we were starting the immigration process for New Zealand. We live together, we had holidays to canada planned so he could meet my canadian family...and now its not going to happen. Its just such a disappointment. And I feel foolish. But then again, we would rather this than a messy divorce in a couple years. This way we can stay friends.

I just wish I had my parents or sister or best friends here or someone. Everyone seems to leave me!

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 6:28 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Bally,

Please dont feel foolish. Feel sad and upset, and even heartbroken for awhile. But please dont feel foolish. Truth is, you are anything but foolish. You are very smart. Very smart to recognize that loving someone is sometimes not enough. Smart to put the puzzle together in your mind and stop it before it went any further. Smart to acknowledge that love is not the same as compatability. You can be in love with someone, truly in love, and not be compatible. That was the case with you and your guy, and you were both very smart to talk about that and save what sounds like a good friendship.

Youre awesome. I hope you stick around.

Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com  

See our funny Wedding Wed-isode @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OokYNI91ztU&NR=1

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 6:54 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

just because you love someone, doesn't mean you need to marry them.

Ballycastle I use this expression all the time, except I substitute need for should.

As for the cliche about finding out now and avoiding divorce, its a cliche because its so true. Ask anyone who is divorced and especially the people who saw red flags and got married any way.

Please don't feel foolish, figuring it out now is much wiser than figuring it out later and far less awkward than than figuring it out while standing at the altar, although that is very efficient because everyone is there so you'd only have to say it once. (thats supposed to make you laugh). I agree there is no need for an announcement.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 7:18 PM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

I am sorry Bally, but I also know you didn't come to this decision lightly. But please don't feel that you have to leave us. I'd miss you.

Misty

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 10:04 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I'm so sorry to hear that Bally! I've noticed in your recent posts you haven't seen that happy about how your relationship was going. I think you're being smart by not trying to push something that isn't working.

 

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 29, 2009 10:15 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Bally, I'm really sorry to hear about you and your FH. I agree with the PP's. There is nothing to feel foolish about. Not every relationship is meant to be. It hurts very much when they end, but in the end I hope that you find something that is better for you. Hugs!!

 

Proud member and S.C.A.T. of POOP - People Offended by Offended People

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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: Broke up with FH
Posted: Jun 30, 2009 12:01 AM Go to message in response to: Heidibride30

Bally, I am so sorry to hear about you and FH. I agree with PP's I hope you don't leave the boards, and you should not feel foolish, you made a decision that was right for you, and that's all that matters.

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